NR3TR or is it? - Venting long Updated

SnowLady1019 · May 2013

I just really need to get this out before my interview in an hour! This week has been the week from hell and I don't know if its me or just a bad week or hormones are to blame. I feel like I am going insane and I'm going to break! Every part of my life has been messed up this week.

Monday was fine. Tuesday was one thing after another and then my cycle got canceled. Wednesday was one thing after another at work and for the first time ever they sent out surveys and I might have been overly honest and although they were anonymous, there are only 10 people who work here so its obvious who each one was. So today I feel awful about what I said, even though all of it is the truth.

Then today I basically "broke up" with my best friend for the past 15 years. On Saturday we went out for some drinks and I am not sure how the topic came up but I told her I think she should go back to school and get a degree. Well apparently this pissed her off and instead of telling me it pissed her off she ignored my texts this week. I texted her today to ask about the weekend and she finally replies:

Her: I'm hurt and pissed off about what your said about going back to school and dont you want to better yourself. I feel judged and that you think you are better then me. I don't need to feel that from a friend

Me: Ok thats fine. You could have said something directly to me. But if you would rather post on fb and ignore me thats cool too. I never said I was better than you. I explained myself and if you don't like what I think thats fine because were different people with different values

Her: I agree 100%. We are different with different values. If a friend told me that I hurt them I would tell them I'm sorry and try to make it better.

Me: But I am not sorry for what I said. I am sorry you took it the wrong way and inferred that I think I'm better than you. I'm sorry that you'd rather lie to me (at the bar after my comment she said she was excited to go away this weekend and she would drive with DH) and act like everythings fine and then tell me to F off on a fb status instead of saying something to me. I'm sorry I'm not a mind reader and don't just automatically know what you're thinking and why you're ignoring me. But I am not sorry for my opinion that everyone should be lifelong learners and they should push themselves to be the best they could possibly be. If that makes me a bad friend in your book then I guess I'm a bad friend and you find a better one. Also, I never said I am better than you or anyone else who chooses not to go back to school and I have never thought that about anyone. That's not what I mean when I tell people I think they should go back to school.

Her: I never lied to you. I woke up the next morning and realized how mad I was. I never said you were better but thats how you made me feel. So if you can't understand that it is wrong to tell me what I should do in my life and how much "better" of a person I'd be then you're right and I don't have anything left to say"

I sorry if you actually read all of that. I just needed to get out of my system so I can focus at my interview!

**UPDATE**

Well I went to the interview and it seemed like I pretty much have the job if I want it but I am pretty sure I don't want it. The first warning sign was the woman who was supposed to interview me was not there. Next, the woman who decided to interview me instead (the business manager) had no idea what she was doing. The final straw was she literally asked me "Do you have kids or are you planning on having kids?" I was so shocked and I completely stumbled over my words and fought back all the emotions. Needless to say I'm all set.

EIK2013 · May 2013

Good luck with the interview! I struggled so much during my last BFN and I could not rebound at all. I usually have no problem bouncing back and enjoying life, but for some reason this last one hit me hard, so I feel for you. I felt like all aspects of my life were spiraling out of control. Slow down a bit and take one day at a time. I know I posted about my experience seeing a therapist and it helped a TON. She helped me calm down and be able to move forward and gave me a clear perspective. You don't want your crazy emotions to mess with your relationships and I felt like that was happening to me as well. I was such an emotional roller coaster around my family and friends, they didn't know what to expect when I walked in the door and that made me so sad! You don't want to lose friendships over this and you don't want your IF journey to impeded on the rest of your life.

Take a deep breath, rock the interview, and slow things down. Take one day at a time and take care of YOU. Hang in there and go mend that friendship as well, you will feel so much better.

HUGS and T&Ps that you start feeling more put together and on track!

ttuprincess · May 2013

Good luck on your interview. I am sorry you are struggling and feel like things are out of control lately. Hopefully your friendship can be mended. My college roommate has been one of my best friends for years now. Our relationship has really been strained lately because we are in such difference places in our lives. She stays home with her three kids and I work 50+ hours a week and am dealing with IF. It has been a struggle for us to transform how we deal with each other based on the circumstances and to figure how we fit into each others' lives now. Hoping you find some peace with the situation with your friend.

Sending you positive vibes and lots of ((hugs)).

niffie · May 2013

Deep breaths. One thing at a time. Handle the interview, then concentrate on your friend. Life seems to ebb and flow, and sometimes, you are in deep. Just keep swimming....