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December 2010 Moms
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Moms of 2+
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Especially moms of squishy newborns, I haz questions!
How are things? How are you feeling? How is your toddler adjusting to the new family member? What are you struggling with? What do you feel like a pro at?
I have a cousin with 2 who was telling me I should plan out some activities for J to do while I am nursing the new baby. Any suggestions? Any other advice for adjusting? 
TIA!!
I used to be a big deal. Now I'm just old.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Moms of 2+
Dad of 2, wife is onlymeggan, who occasionally posts.
Things are good... crazy, but good. I will not answer the feeling question, as I am not the dad and do not presume to answer that for her.
J is handling the new baby (well, now 3 months old) VERY well. It is hard to say what of his misbehaving is because he's 2, and what is because he now has a sibling, but his behavior towards his little brother is very warm and loving. He gives him hugs and kisses, hands him toys, etc.
Struggles? Sleep. My wife would say having to go to a new job when A turned 3 weeks old because she got a job offer and couldn't continue to collect unemployment if she turned it down.
Feel like a pro at? Routine. We've settled into a pretty decent routine, building A's routine into J's pre-existing one to make it easier on him. Of course there is always the random diaper change or feeding time that throws things off a hair, but it has stayed pretty close to normal for J.
As far as the activities for while the baby is nursing, sometimes it is as easy as giving them a snack right before you start. Obviously I don't nurse, I give pumped bottle milk, so it likely goes a little faster for me.
Best advice I can give is keep your current LO on their schedule, or as close to it as you can and conform the baby's schedule around it as much as possible. Your baby doesn't have a routine yet, but your toddler does and it will throw their life into that much more upheaval if it all gets altered. We make it a deliberate point to give J specific attention and make the role of big brother into a big deal for him so he feels special. I still take J out every week (or close to it) to the zoo or children's museum like we did before, only now, we have a little brother to take along with.
Overall things are going really well, even though Mila needs to be held all. the. time. Ava has done so much better than I ever thought she would. She's always concerned about the baby and had actually become more affectionate to H and I. I struggle getting out with both of them but hopefully this will get easier as Mila gets a bit older and isn't so clingy. Overall I am much more relaxed this time around and knock on wood bf'ing is going much smoother. When I nurse Mila, which is often because this kid loves the boob, I let Ava watch Sesame Street, color, or play on the back yard while I sit at the outdoor table. Thankfully it's been nice enough to do that. In all honestly the transition from 1 to 2 kids has been so much easier for me than the transition of 0 to 1.
So Bishops not a newborn anymore but I'll chime in here
How are things? Things are going well. It was much harder in the newborn phase...like I wanted to stab my eyes out a lot lol but its soooo much better now and its soooo much fun. Griff is getting a bit more independent and Bishops getting more mobile. They play together and keep each other busy. I just LOVE watching them interact. The terrible newborn phase is sooo worth it to get to this point now. I'd say the first 5 or 6 months were the hardest for me.
How are you feeling? I'm ok. My mat leave is almost over and I'm kind of sad but I might not even go back to work so we'll see what happens.
How is your toddler adjusting to the new family member? In the newborn stage, Griff didn't really react at all. Kinda like Bishop wasn't even here. Then when Bishop was a few months old, Griff started to notice Bishop more and there was a bit of a jealousy stage. Now, its getting better. Like I said, they play and interact. Its fun to watch Griff crawl and chase Bishop around. Bishop will squeal and keep looking back to make sure Griffs still crawling after him
. BUT they fight...alot. Griff is still learning to share and to not hit/push/kick Bishop. Bishops trying to walk and it seems as if Griffs always around when he take a tumble. Coincidence?? lol The first time we put them both in a shopping cart together they were sort of slapping each others arms cause their shoulders were touching. It was kind of comical lol. Like...this is whats to come with life of 2 boys.
What are you struggling with? Juggling who to spend time with. I have a lot of guilt. Guilt with missing Griffs last part of babyhood and beginning of toddlerhood. Guilt with trying to make up for that missed time by trying to spend a shtton of time with Griff now, but then I feel like I'm missing Bishops babyhood. I struggle a lot with that.
What do you feel like a pro at? Not much lol. I think I've improved on having the confidence to take care of both kids by myself though. In the beginning I always second guessed myself or asked DH what to do. I felt like I was always doing something wrong. I would get sooo worried and anxious when DH went to work cause I felt like I couldn't do it on my own. My mom came over a lot back then (like an hour or 2 every other day) and when she would leave, I would sometimes cry. It was so overwhelming. Its so much easier now but maybe thats cause the boys are older too. We have a good routine going and both usually follow it.
I have a cousin with 2 who was telling me I should plan out some activities for J to do while I am nursing the new baby. Any suggestions? Any other advice for adjusting?
TIA!!- TV. Griff watched a lot of tv during the newborn stage. I felt really guilty about it at the time but what else could I do? Now I try to not let him watch as much tv. He did a lot of independent play...like crayons/coloring books, playing with cars and reading books. One time I gave him a bowl of macaroni and a spatula. He pretended he was cooking and that kept him occupied for like an hour a day for a week lol.
ETA- I'm the opposite of ChicagoBroad. It was much harder for me to go from 1 to 2 than it was going from 0 to 1. For me it was cause Griff was still so dependent on me. If we have more kids, I'm definitely waiting until my boys are older and independent.
Oh and as for any other advice. Just remember this too shall pass lol. It saved me many times, just repeating it over and over again.
Well, Benny is 10 months old now - so we aren't in the newborn phase anymore - thank god!
Overall, I would say things are good. I feel like we have a decent routine going now. But the first 6-8 months were really hard! Benny wasn't a very good napper (neither of my kids were in the beginning).
I think Jonny is adjusting pretty well. He was so young (20 months) when Benny came along that I don't think he really remembers not having Benny in his life. They "play" together a bit now, but they definitely "fight" now too. Since Benny is mobile now we here a lot of "No no Benny - no play with Jonny's xxx" these days. We try to enforce sharing as much as we can. But we also made sure that a few of Jonny's favorite toys (trains, cars) are just his and Benny can't play with those.
I feel like I'm pretty good at taking them both out now. We've got a good system down. I feel like I really struggle at meal times. Cooking dinner is kinda a nightmare right now because Benny is clingy and teething. And my house is definitely messier than when I only had one kid. But I've just accepted that. I don't have as much energy to do things around the house in the evenings once they both are in bed like I used to. I need to make myself work-out more, clean more, scrapbook, etc.
We watched a lot of TV during the first 3 or 4 months. I felt guilty at the time, but it was a short phase and we are back to very limited TV - so just like anything else, it was a phase! This too shall pass!
Things are good. DS1 pretty much ignored DS2 until a week or two ago. I am struggling with getting out of the house. I'm no nursing expert as I didn't BF DS1 so I feel more comfortable nursing at home still. I feel like I'm a pro at diaper changes and naps lol. I let DS1 watch TV or eat a snack and color when I'm nursing. He is pretty good at keeping himself entertained usually. Also, my mom lives with us so if I forget to get him something he will go ask Gamma. I am very lucky in that regard, she helps out a lot with both boys.
I agree with ChicagoBroad, it was much easier going from 1 to 2 than it was going from 0 to 1. Although I must say DS1 was jaundice and had to be hooked to a Billie blanket and wouldn't nurse for anything so being a FTM with all that going on plus the sleep deprivation was so overwhelming. DS2 hasn't had any issues and nurses like a champ.
Sorry for the format, I'm on mobile.
OMG yes! I constantly hear Griff saying (or screaming) "NO, baba, Griffins toys!" or "MINE!" The only things Bishop can't play with are Griffins blankies and this one teddy bear. I wonder if more things should be off limits...but then I'm not sure Griff would understand and he'd probably make everything off limits lol.
My view is a bit different since my squish will be a year tomorrow (holy he!!)
It's been a tough year. Not just b/c of baby but huge changes in our lives. DD wasn't hard, but having 2 people depending on me all the time was tough. The first few months were rough but it got better, and better and better. The other night we were in the backyard after dinner and I said to my H "I'm really happy right now." And I meant it.
The newborn stuff was so easy this time. I already knew how to give a tiny baby a bath and how to pull a onesie down her legs when she had a blow out. Things just didn't phase me like they did with J. I knew she would sleep eventually, I knew nursing would get easier and faster soon, it was just easier to enjoy her b/c I wasn't so worried all the time.
As far as the nursing activities go grab some thing from the $1 spot at target - like the coloring books that come with stickers, new books, or a slinky. Keep a few hidden for emergency days. Normally I would offer a snack and a book or tv show while I fed DD. Don't feel bad if the tv is on a bit more - it's temporary and once the baby eats faster you won't need that crutch.
There were days everyone was crying and there were days I would think - I'm fuvcking rocking this mom shitt. It went so fast. They really love each other. Sometimes at daycare J would get nervous and start asking where she was until they would take him to go see her in the infant room. He makes her laugh harder than H or I ever have.
My little man at 0-1-2
Ditto Coltsdad about trying to keep the toddler's routine intact & work the new baby around that. I usually nursed DD "on the go" wherever I was around the house with DS at the time, rather than stopping what we're doing & getting a specific activity for DS to do while I nursed DD. I'd feed her while reading stories to DS or while sitting at the dining room table helping DS with his dinner, for example.
When we were just chilling & I had to feed here, I'd give DS a snack & his milk & turn on the TV.
Also make sure you figure in the time it takes to get the newborn to nap! Keeping DS entertained while I get DD down for a nap was more challenging that keeping him entertained while I nursed b/c to get her to nap required me to step away for a while to walk her around & then put her down. Of course when I would tell DS, "ok, I need you to sit here & be quiet for a few minute while I get DD to sleep" is when he'd come running after me screaming, "mommy! mommy!" ugh, that was soooo frustrating!
DS was great with DD at first, then went through a phase of wanting to harm her & we had to watch him super-closely. Then he got better & was back to hugs & kisses, but now that she's crawling & grabbing all his toys, we have to watch him like a hawk again. He will rip toys away saying, "no Deanna, that's mines!" lol It really is funny b/c she seriously will go after what he is playing with like a little shark on the attack. I feel bad for DS! No matter what else I put in front of her to play with, she swats it away & goes straight to whatever DS has.
One suggestion though would be to always try to include DS in what you're doing with the new baby & what I will do is talk to the baby about DS so he can overhear me. For example, I will say to DD, "DS is such a good big brother, isn't he? He is so good at sharing his toys!"
I also try to be verbally fair with discipline so DS feels like I am not favoring the baby over him. For example, if DD is grabbing DS's arm or hair, obviously it's b/c she's a baby & doesn't know better. But, I will say, "No, Deanna! Don't pull hair! Be gentle!" - basically the same thing I would say to DS if he were doing it to her.
The one thing I think I felt like a pro about besides the obvious baby care stuff, was going out with the two of them. I really surprised myself with this b/c it is one of the things that was most intimidating to me while I was still pregnant. I just bit the bullet & starting taking them both out in the car, for walks, etc. It really isn't that difficult; it just takes longer b/c there's two kids instead of one to pack up, load in the car & then take out & unload, lol. It also helped that the weather was still nice for a month or so after DD was born. As a family, we did a lot of day trips when she was just a couple weeks old.
I did have a hard time adjusting to having 2 at first, though, overall - mostly b/c I felt so guilty about DS not having our full attention anymore. I also had a hard time having to slow down & be on a newborn's schedule again, after being so used to hanging out with my fun toddler! Secondly, she had acid reflux & from about 7pm to midnight were hell on Earth for all of us. It was really stressful & tiring & heartbreaking. Thank goodness we were able to treat it & then she grew out of it & became an awesomely happy baby & a great sleeper.
I totally didn't intend on that being so long. Sorry! I should have started my response with "Dear Diary," lol.
Basically, GL. It will be hard, but you'll do it & do it well - even if it doesn't seem like it at the time!
We do this too, I think it helps a lot.
I was so worried about this, especially when DH was at work. In the very beginning Griff would make so much noise when I was trying to rock Bishop to sleep but it only took a few weeks for him to catch on. Eventually he realized he had to be quiet when I was putting Bishop to sleep and during nap time too. Now if I make noise during Bishops naptime, Griff will put his finger to his lips and whisper "SHHHHHH!! Baba sleeping!!!." Maybe I trained him too well lol.
I'm a pro at baby care! I can nurse in public with no issues, change diapers in five seconds, etc. I'm getting to be a pro at carting both kids with me out in public, which was difficult at first. Nate loves his brother and likes to kiss on him and bring him toys. He's pretty good with him for the most part. Overall, he's been a holy terror though when it comes to daily life as a whole. He's got the "terrible twos" down to an art form I think. Tantrums and whining galore. As for nursing, Nate is a pretty independent kid, so he'll pretty much play without needing me. He likes to paint lately, so I'll put him in his high chair to do that. Caleb tends to want to nurse around the same times we all eat anyhow, so a lot of times Nate is already eating lunch or dinner while I nurse. We use TV as a babysitter too while nursing, which isn't great, but hey, Nate learned all his letters from Super Why in the past few weeks! ETA: Thought I should add that I kept Nate in daycare the first 8 weeks of my maternity leave. So, establishing nursing and sleep deprivation was better because he went off to "school" every day. I pulled him after 8 weeks because I knew I was taking a 12 week leave + summer vacation. I would say leaving him there was a great decision. I really liked spending all the one-on-one time with my newborn and getting to nap during the day, even though it cost us a pretty penny to keep him there when I wasn't working.
I think as I get further along Ill have to make some issue specific posts. Like the logistics of taking two out. I swear it takes us forever to get out of the house, and most of it is because J will NOT listen to me or decides he doesn't want to go all of a sudden.
I hadn't thought about keeping him occupied while getting the new baby down for a nap, either. Not to mention getting J down for a nap while the new baby is awake! J was such a terrible napper for the first 6 months, and screamed every time I put him down, so I just imagine it being a disaster if the new baby is anything like him.
I am not as worried as I used to be about feeling guilty about splitting my time. I think I will have to wait and see, but right now I see it as a necessary sacrifice in order for each of them to have a sibling!
I'm definitely taking notes moms and dads!