MIL has cancer

Mrs.RockyM · May 2013

We've just recently found out that MIL has cancer. It's non-hodchkins lymphoma, stage 4. she's going to have to start chemo and radiation sometime in the next week or two, but that's all we know so far. I think she has an appointment with the oncologist next week, so hopefully we'll know more then.

At this point I have no clue how to handle things with DD1. I think she's aware that something is going on with DH - he's been very quiet and moody, somewhat withdrawn. We're going to visit MIL and FIL this weekend, and I just know everyone is going to be very emotional. So it's going to be even more obvious to her.

Do I just say Grandma isn't feeling well, and leave it at that? I don't want her to overhear anything , but I also don't want to scare her.

Any advice? I really have no clue what to say or do.

mgrulke · May 2013

I am so sorry about your MIL.

I would explain that Gma has what is called cancer and she is sick and the doctors are going to try to make Gma feel better.

Books seem to help here are a few.

https://www.amazon.com/Grandma-Kathy-Cancer-Colleen-Buckley/dp/1598584227/ref=sr_1_17?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368730189&sr=1-17&keywords=cancer+books

https://www.amazon.com/Best-Medicine-Julie-Aigner-Clark/dp/B0058M5JM4/ref=sr_1_29?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368730287&sr=1-29&keywords=cancer+books

https://www.amazon.com/Someone-Cancer-Understanding-Health-Issues/dp/1432945807/ref=sr_1_61?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1368730483&sr=1-61&keywords=cancer+books

jc&cat · May 2013

Oh my! I am so very sorry to hear this. If she is in Baltimore area, you can't get much better than Hopkins for care especially at this advanced stage. I agree with the PP to keep it simple but don't try to hide it. Its an emotional time and your DD is going to pick up that something is clearly wrong.

I think you may want to figure out which words to use as not to scare her. The word cancer isn't a bad thing to introduce since it doesn't necessarily strike fear in to the hearts of those who don't know it yet like it does with us adults."Not feeling well" or "sick" with such emotion and discussion connected could scare her since she likely will get a cold and get sick sometime.

i am no expert on this matter and when my dad was in final stages of alzhiemer's disease, i talked to the pedi for advice. her advice was to be simple and upfront but not to dwell b/c likely questions would be brewing and he would come back later with them. She was exactly right.

Good luck to you during this time.

WestCoastMommy · May 2013

I'm sorry. I have started to wonder the same thing since my grandmother is 89 and very close to my kids. It's something you never want to think about. I wouldn't even know where to start but I do want to say I'm sorry for your family and I'm hoping for the best!

KateLouise · May 2013

We're facing something very similar with my MIL.

We've just been simple and to the point. Granny is sick, and the doctors are giving her medicine to make her feel better. She needs some extra looking after, and we need to be gentle around her.

I like pp suggestion about using cancer rather than sick though.

We're just going with things until we need to discuss the inevitable, and then we'll look at books and hospice resources etc

pipes0024 · May 2013

My husband was diagnoised with Melanoma in 2007, our daughter was born in 2010. Since she has been talking and understanding somethings, we have told her exactly what was going on with her daddy. Using words as Melanoma and not feeling good because of the medicine daddy takes for it. She has been to almost all his appts. If we say he is "sick" she associates when she gets sick that she will feel like daddy. I agree with telling kids that she doesn't feel good becauase of cancer is a good idea. I know it is scary to talk to kids about it, but being direct has worked with our daugther, nieces and nephews.

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