4luvof2boys

Littlejen22 · May 2013

Did I really read you refer to your own child as your adoptive son?

MommyKristin88 · May 2013

Yikes

Ilumine · May 2013

I was at the beach today...missed it. Catch me up.

Littlejen22 · May 2013

Ilumine:
I was at the beach today...missed it. nbsp;Catch me up.

It was in the SS and porn post. 4luvof2biys replied to the poster with advice and in the advice said what happened when adoptive son was caught looking at porn. It was in passing and her reply to the poster was a very good reply IMO but I am dumbfounded about why she would call her child her adoptive son outside of any situation where his adoption is important information to understand the situation.

Tasheystar · May 2013

I noticed that too... It didn't really have any bearing on the conversation.

H got mad at ODS a couple months back because he joked that "you're not my dad". H was upset because as his adoptive father, he is his dad.

On a side note, I don't think ODS meant anything by it. He's been doing the "I'm not a boy, I'm a dinosaur" thing lately.

4luvof2boys · May 2013

I'm sorry if I missed something. I used to post on this board as JulietTodd. I explained a few posts ago that I couldn't get into my old account and so created a new one. If you recall, I adopted my two SS since bio mom was out of the picture for over five years. I'm not sure what the big deal is referring to him as my son or as my adoptive son because he is. I also updated about them going to TX this summer and the situation with BM getting better. WTH? I was simply trying to tell OP my opinion on catching the boy with porn from my own experience.

Add: Ok, I don't mean to sound snarky above, just thought it was weird to be called out on this. BM is someone who births children DS, DD. SM is married to DH who's children are SS, SD. I have adopted my DH's children so I didn't give birth to them and I'm not their step mom anymore. Adoption is not the same as BM or SM so I thought it important to explain where I was coming from. So I ask, what would be the technically correct way to address my sons/adoptive sons? No snark intended.

Unknown · May 2013

This content has been removed.

Littlejen22 · May 2013

Jiminy Cricket:
Is adoptive a dirty word?

I love how people come out of the woodwork.

No it is not a dirty word at all. When the fact that a child is adopted has no bearing on the story I have no clue why I parent would preface the story by stating that it is their adoptive child. Isn't the purpose of adoption to make that child your child legally which gives you the right to call them your child. Calling them your adoptive child is saying they are not fully your child so why bother adopting.

4luvof2boys · May 2013

Littlejen22:
Jiminy Cricket:
Is adoptive a dirty word?
I love how people come out of the woodwork. No it is not a dirty word at all. When the fact that a child is adopted has no bearing on the story I have no clue why I parent would preface the story by stating that it is their adoptive child. Isn't the purpose of adoption to make that child your child legally which gives you the right to call them your child. Calling them your adoptive child is saying they are not fully your child so why bother adopting.

Just wow...really? Calling them DD or DS leads people on this board to believe I gave birth and raised my sons their entire life. I believe that they are my own but in giving advice would differentiate myself between someone who gave birth vs. meeting their kids when they are 8 and 10 years old - even if the court gave me the right to. And I am really trying to make sense and answer your question. Is it really so outlandish?

mom2one · May 2013

It's fine to say adoptive. Sometimes it seems like it might not be relevant but the child's past experiences, etc when NOT your own child might color the story or add in some background.

Ilumine · May 2013

4luvof2boys:
Littlejen22:
Jiminy Cricket:
Is adoptive a dirty word?
I love how people come out of the woodwork. No it is not a dirty word at all. When the fact that a child is adopted has no bearing on the story I have no clue why I parent would preface the story by stating that it is their adoptive child. Isn't the purpose of adoption to make that child your child legally which gives you the right to call them your child. Calling them your adoptive child is saying they are not fully your child so why bother adopting.
Just wow...really? Calling them DD or DS leads people on this board to believe I gave birth and raised my sons their entire life. I believe that they are my own but in giving advice would differentiate myself between someone who gave birth vs. meeting their kids when they are 8 and 10 years old - even if the court gave me the right to. And I am really trying to make sense and answer your question. Is it really so outlandish?

If that was your motive, then the appropriative descriptor would have been "my adopted stepson".

The reality is, most adopted children are NOT stepparent adoptees, they are young babies adopted by parents who cannot have children. So the need to differentiate due to coming into the child's life at 8 or 10 WAS NOT conveyed by the use of "adopted" - hence the commentary from the peanut gallery.

As for the concept of older children being adopted...there are probably just as many if not more foster children who are adopted then stepparent adoptions.

Which does allow for clarification between dealing with a biological child and a non-biological child...but given children coming out of foster care have their own set of problems may just confuse the response even more.

So yeah, I think you need to take a step back from your righteous indignation at Jenns commentary just a bit and recognize that YOU created this little kerfluffle with your use of confusing terminology.

Oh and given that there are so many people coming in and out of here, no one is going to remember the fact that you have to use a new name here.

MissSusieQ · May 2013

Ilumine:
4luvof2boys:
Littlejen22:
Jiminy Cricket:
Is adoptive a dirty word?
I love how people come out of the woodwork. No it is not a dirty word at all. When the fact that a child is adopted has no bearing on the story I have no clue why I parent would preface the story by stating that it is their adoptive child. Isn't the purpose of adoption to make that child your child legally which gives you the right to call them your child. Calling them your adoptive child is saying they are not fully your child so why bother adopting.
Just wow...really? Calling them DD or DS leads people on this board to believe I gave birth and raised my sons their entire life. I believe that they are my own but in giving advice would differentiate myself between someone who gave birth vs. meeting their kids when they are 8 and 10 years old - even if the court gave me the right to. And I am really trying to make sense and answer your question. Is it really so outlandish?
If that was your motive, then the appropriative descriptor would have been "my adopted stepson".
The reality is, most adopted children are NOT stepparent adoptees, they are young babies adopted by parents who cannot have children. So the need to differentiate due to coming into the child's life at 8 or 10 WAS NOT conveyed by the use of "adopted" - hence the commentary from the peanut gallery.
As for the concept of older children being adopted...there are probably just as many if not more foster children who are adopted then stepparent adoptions.
Which does allow for clarification between dealing with a biological child and a non-biological child...but given children coming out of foster care have their own set of problems may just confuse the response even more.
So yeah, I think you need to take a step back from your righteous indignation at Jenns commentary just a bit and recognize that YOU created this little kerfluffle with your use of confusing terminology.
Oh and given that there are so many people coming in and out of here, no one is going to remember the fact that you have to use a new name here.

Wow! This has become a snarky board? When did all these BM's and SM's become so righteous? I thought we were supposed to be here to support each other. Guess I was wrong.

Littlejen22 · May 2013

Ilumine:
4luvof2boys:
Littlejen22:
Jiminy Cricket:
Is adoptive a dirty word?

I love how people come out of the woodwork.

No it is not a dirty word at all. When the fact that a child is adopted has no bearing on the story I have no clue why I parent would preface the story by stating that it is their adoptive child. Isn't the purpose of adoption to make that child your child legally which gives you the right to call them your child. Calling them your adoptive child is saying they are not fully your child so why bother adopting.
Just wow...really?  Calling them DD or DS leads people on this board to believe I gave birth and raised my sons their entire life.  I believe that they are my own but in giving advice would differentiate myself between someone who gave birth vs. meeting their kids when they are 8 and 10 years old - even if the court gave me the right to.  And I am really trying to make sense and answer your question.  Is it really so outlandish?
If that was your motive, then the appropriative descriptor would have been "my adopted stepson".  
The reality is, most adopted children are NOT stepparent adoptees, they are young babies adopted by parents who cannot have children.  So the need to differentiate due to coming into the child's life at 8 or 10 WAS NOT conveyed by the use of "adopted" - hence the commentary from the peanut gallery. 
As for the concept of older children being adopted...there are probably just as many if not more foster children who are adopted then stepparent adoptions.  
Which does allow for clarification between dealing with a biological child and a non-biological child...but given children coming out of foster care have their own set of problems may just confuse the response even more.
So yeah, I think you need to take a step back from your righteous indignation at Jenns commentary just a bit and recognize that YOU created this little kerfluffle with your use of confusing terminology.  
Oh and given that there are so many people coming in and out of here, no one is going to remember the fact that you have to use a new name here.   

Thanks Ilumine this was explained better than I would have.

I did not remember you or your story. To me and I assume most on here DS is more of a designation for the fact that they are your son. He is how your son so that is all you need to state in most situations. I realize there are times when the fact that you did not birth and raise him from the beginning it will be important to state that he is adopted because he came to you with a past but I still think it was weird that you just call him your adopted son. I did not see your reply when I made my reply though so I am sorry my reply did not take that into consideration.

4luvof2boys · May 2013

Ilumine:
4luvof2boys:
Littlejen22:
Jiminy Cricket:
Is adoptive a dirty word?
I love how people come out of the woodwork. No it is not a dirty word at all. When the fact that a child is adopted has no bearing on the story I have no clue why I parent would preface the story by stating that it is their adoptive child. Isn't the purpose of adoption to make that child your child legally which gives you the right to call them your child. Calling them your adoptive child is saying they are not fully your child so why bother adopting.
Just wow...really? Calling them DD or DS leads people on this board to believe I gave birth and raised my sons their entire life. I believe that they are my own but in giving advice would differentiate myself between someone who gave birth vs. meeting their kids when they are 8 and 10 years old - even if the court gave me the right to. And I am really trying to make sense and answer your question. Is it really so outlandish?
If that was your motive, then the appropriative descriptor would have been "my adopted stepson".
The reality is, most adopted children are NOT stepparent adoptees, they are young babies adopted by parents who cannot have children. So the need to differentiate due to coming into the child's life at 8 or 10 WAS NOT conveyed by the use of "adopted" - hence the commentary from the peanut gallery.
As for the concept of older children being adopted...there are probably just as many if not more foster children who are adopted then stepparent adoptions.
Which does allow for clarification between dealing with a biological child and a non-biological child...but given children coming out of foster care have their own set of problems may just confuse the response even more.
So yeah, I think you need to take a step back from your righteous indignation at Jenns commentary just a bit and recognize that YOU created this little kerfluffle with your use of confusing terminology.
Oh and given that there are so many people coming in and out of here, no one is going to remember the fact that you have to use a new name here.

First of all I usually think you give good feedback Ilumine. However in this case you are just wrong. You need to get your facts straight. "Adopting a stepchild is the most common form of adoption." https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_step.cfm.

Not that it matters. Adopted is adopted, legally responsible for another persons bio child regardless of step or foster. Since SM is dealing with non-bio child I thought it might have some bearing. I didn't realize I had to spell it out in book to make a point about catching the boy with porn.

As far as self righteous goes, you people are making a big deal over one word in a post. I don't expect people to remember my every story or post...that is why I clarified adopted son in the first place. I really can't understand all your energy on this topic. I take FULL responsibility for trying to give the poster below my best advice. As far as the little kerfluffle, I leave you ladies to hash it out since it seems so important. I tried.

MissSusieQ · May 2013

4luvof2boys:
Ilumine:
4luvof2boys:
Littlejen22:
Jiminy Cricket:
Is adoptive a dirty word?
I love how people come out of the woodwork. No it is not a dirty word at all. When the fact that a child is adopted has no bearing on the story I have no clue why I parent would preface the story by stating that it is their adoptive child. Isn't the purpose of adoption to make that child your child legally which gives you the right to call them your child. Calling them your adoptive child is saying they are not fully your child so why bother adopting.
Just wow...really? Calling them DD or DS leads people on this board to believe I gave birth and raised my sons their entire life. I believe that they are my own but in giving advice would differentiate myself between someone who gave birth vs. meeting their kids when they are 8 and 10 years old - even if the court gave me the right to. And I am really trying to make sense and answer your question. Is it really so outlandish?
If that was your motive, then the appropriative descriptor would have been "my adopted stepson".
The reality is, most adopted children are NOT stepparent adoptees, they are young babies adopted by parents who cannot have children. So the need to differentiate due to coming into the child's life at 8 or 10 WAS NOT conveyed by the use of "adopted" - hence the commentary from the peanut gallery.
As for the concept of older children being adopted...there are probably just as many if not more foster children who are adopted then stepparent adoptions.
Which does allow for clarification between dealing with a biological child and a non-biological child...but given children coming out of foster care have their own set of problems may just confuse the response even more.
So yeah, I think you need to take a step back from your righteous indignation at Jenns commentary just a bit and recognize that YOU created this little kerfluffle with your use of confusing terminology.
Oh and given that there are so many people coming in and out of here, no one is going to remember the fact that you have to use a new name here.
First of all I usually think you give good feedback Ilumine. However in this case you are just wrong. You need to get your facts straight. "Adopting a stepchild is the most common form of adoption." https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_step.cfm.
Not that it matters. Adopted is adopted, legally responsible for another persons bio child regardless of step or foster. Since SM is dealing with non-bio child I thought it might have some bearing. I didn't realize I had to spell it out in book to make a point about catching the boy with porn.
As far as self righteous goes, you people are making a big deal over one word in a post. I don't expect people to remember my every story or post...that is why I clarified adopted son in the first place. I really can't understand all your energy on this topic. I take FULL responsibility for trying to give the poster below my best advice. As far as the little kerfluffle, I leave you ladies to hash it out since it seems so important. I tried.

4luvof2boys I think these woman today just need something to b*tch about. They are cocky and have to find at least one thing wrong with one persons post daily. Apparently it makes them feel good about themselves.

Ginlyn0 · May 2013

Omg .......Jen is adopted which is probably the reason she questioned your terminology because I'm sure she wouldn't want her mom to call her an "adoptive daughter" especially when it's not relevant.

hindsight's_a_biotch · May 2013

I think it's odd to qualify that your child is adopted if it isn't relevant to the story. When you adopt a kid, you take them on as if they had been yours from birth. I mean that's the whole point. Otherwise, they would continue to be stepkids.

Littlejen22 · May 2013

gin9874
Omg .......Jen is adopted which is probably the reason she questioned your terminology because I'm sure she wouldn't want her mom to call her an "adoptive daughter" especially when it's not relevant.

hindsight's_a_biotch
I think it's odd to qualify that your child is adopted if it isn't relevant to the story. When you adopt a kid, you take them on as if they had been yours from birth. I mean that's the whole point. Otherwise, they would continue to be stepkids.

Exactly this. I will fully admit that this hit a nerve. If my Mom or Dad was ever talking about adoption or loving a non bio child and referred to be as their adopted child I would understand. Well honestly it would bother me that they are qualifying me as their adopted child versus their child that was adopted. But if they referred to me as anything less than their full daughter in everyday talk it would cut right through me. The point of adopting me was to make me their daughter.

4luvof2boys. I hope that you really love those boys fully and not less than. I get your point of why you clarify but it really did have nothin to do with the situation this time.

MissSuzie. I know I can be snarky sometimes but this was not just for the sake of bein snarky. This honestly made my blood boil even if you do not get that.

MissSusieQ · May 2013

Jen if that's the case then why not ask her about it? Instead you made a huge deal about it on a public forum and fed her to the wolves.

Ilumine · May 2013

MissSusieQ:
4luvof2boys:
Ilumine:
4luvof2boys:
Littlejen22:
Jiminy Cricket:
Is adoptive a dirty word?
I love how people come out of the woodwork. No it is not a dirty word at all. When the fact that a child is adopted has no bearing on the story I have no clue why I parent would preface the story by stating that it is their adoptive child. Isn't the purpose of adoption to make that child your child legally which gives you the right to call them your child. Calling them your adoptive child is saying they are not fully your child so why bother adopting.
Just wow...really? Calling them DD or DS leads people on this board to believe I gave birth and raised my sons their entire life. I believe that they are my own but in giving advice would differentiate myself between someone who gave birth vs. meeting their kids when they are 8 and 10 years old - even if the court gave me the right to. And I am really trying to make sense and answer your question. Is it really so outlandish?
If that was your motive, then the appropriative descriptor would have been "my adopted stepson".
The reality is, most adopted children are NOT stepparent adoptees, they are young babies adopted by parents who cannot have children. So the need to differentiate due to coming into the child's life at 8 or 10 WAS NOT conveyed by the use of "adopted" - hence the commentary from the peanut gallery.
As for the concept of older children being adopted...there are probably just as many if not more foster children who are adopted then stepparent adoptions.
Which does allow for clarification between dealing with a biological child and a non-biological child...but given children coming out of foster care have their own set of problems may just confuse the response even more.
So yeah, I think you need to take a step back from your righteous indignation at Jenns commentary just a bit and recognize that YOU created this little kerfluffle with your use of confusing terminology.
Oh and given that there are so many people coming in and out of here, no one is going to remember the fact that you have to use a new name here.
First of all I usually think you give good feedback Ilumine. However in this case you are just wrong. You need to get your facts straight. "Adopting a stepchild is the most common form of adoption." https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_step.cfm.
Not that it matters. Adopted is adopted, legally responsible for another persons bio child regardless of step or foster. Since SM is dealing with non-bio child I thought it might have some bearing. I didn't realize I had to spell it out in book to make a point about catching the boy with porn.
As far as self righteous goes, you people are making a big deal over one word in a post. I don't expect people to remember my every story or post...that is why I clarified adopted son in the first place. I really can't understand all your energy on this topic. I take FULL responsibility for trying to give the poster below my best advice. As far as the little kerfluffle, I leave you ladies to hash it out since it seems so important. I tried.
4luvof2boys I think these woman today just need something to b*tch about. They are cocky and have to find at least one thing wrong with one persons post daily. Apparently it makes them feel good about themselves.

I do not see how I was snarky or rude or bitching in anyway.

4luvof2boys made a comment that was misinterpreted by more than one person on this board and was called out because of her comment.

She got her feelings hurt because of the miscommunication that SHE created by using a term that - for most people - find to mean something other than what she was trying to convey.

So how my attempt to explain where the miscommunication happened is being bb!tchy, Im not sure. Other than pointing out the flaw in her logic. Which again was not to be mean, but to help mitigate the back and forth.

But ok...

and not to be contentious, but again trying to clarify where I was coming from in my response tp 4luvof2boys - in the state of FL where my DH did a StepParent adoption, the number one type of adoption is baby to two 'intact' parents, then foster adoptions (though usually that is to family members), then stepparent adoptions. It was extremely difficult for him to do even with the fact that the BF literally got out of his enlistment early to get out of having to pay any type of support and then disappeared.

So again, with the average perceptions/experiences we stepparents have here on this board, the response that 4luvof2boys got is not an unusual one.

Tasheystar · May 2013

MissSusieQ:
Jen if that's the case then why not ask her about it? Instead you made a huge deal about it on a public forum and fed her to the wolves.

She didn't make a big deal about it. I think perhaps mentioning to the OP that she has a personal connection to the topic may have helped it from getting out of hand. That being said though, she doesn't have to share her whole story every time she posts something.

I'm glad Gin mentioned the connection. I was going to, while hoping I wasn't crossing any boundaries.

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