Sobbing hot mess — The Bump
Military Families

Sobbing hot mess

Just got word that it's a 90% chance that H is going to deploy last minute very soon for a year and will miss the baby's birthday and first 8 month.  I know I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, but man it still sucks.  

Re: Sobbing hot mess

  • I am so sorry. That sucks. I'd be a sobbing hot mess, too. Take a little bit of time to get it out. . .

    Okay, the next bit is advice you have not asked for. : While my DH's deployment was not last minute, I did deliver our DS while DH was deployed. DH missed DS's first nine months. So, I understand part of what you are dealing with.

    Is he ready to go? Do you have everything you will need while he's gone? The one thing that comes to my mind that you will need is the specific power of attorney to add your baby to DEERS. A regular POA is not sufficient. Have YH visit Legal.

    Do you have anyone to be your labor buddy? Anyone to help you when you first come home? Start building your support network now, it will make things less hard later.

    Once you've got everything in order, and YH has gone, stock the pantry and fridge with healthy for mama and baby foods, as well as ice cream or another comfort food, and allow yourself a day to feel what you feel.

    There are a number of resources available for military wives. As your at your local MTF if they have any special programs for expecting moms with deployed husbands.

    Again, I am so sorry to hear about this last minute deployment. It sucks. But, you will get through it! You can do it!!!!
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  • That's disappointing - I know it's one thing if you get pregnant KNOWING they will be gone, but for it to come up unexpectedly- it will take some time to adjust.

    PP gave good advice - make sure you build up a support network if you don't have one already.

    DH deployed right after DS was born and missed about 8 months. It's hard when they miss all of those "firsts," but I tried to keep him as up-to-date as possible on all of the new things DS was doing.

    Good luck!

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  • I am sorry, that does suck!  We found out when I was about 14 weeks along that my H would be deploying shortly after the baby was born.  It is hard to hear at any time, but all the extra hormones sure don't help, I was a hot mess for a while. 

    He left when she was 7 weeks old, she will be about 11 months when he gets home.  I send him pictures all the time, we skype, I send him videos of all her firsts.  It is not as good as him being here, but the technology we have today sure does make it easier.

     Do you have a good support system?  Family that can be there when you deliver and to help you out, especially in the beginning?

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  • I'm sorry you are going through this- I am too.  My husband is leaving right before my due date, and will miss the first 6 months.. we are first time parents.  It's so hard, I know, I'm right there with you.  I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one, so if you need to talk, feel free to message me.
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