Quest. about unknown EFs/ multiple possiblilities.... — The Bump
Adoption

Quest. about unknown EFs/ multiple possiblilities....

I have a call into my lawyer but I am freaking out about our match and hoping someone on the boards may have some insight for me.

The EM we are matched with is claiming she told the 2 possbile EFs and thaey want nothing to do with her.

When we met her on Monday, she told us how EF#1 tried to come back into her life and she told him off.

She also said that she is hiding the preganancy because she doesn't want people asking quest. (she is heavy so it works) and that she is the mother and she signed the papers and that we (DH and I) would be gone before he realized she even had a baby. I am not sure which EF she was talking about....maybe both.

My agency person does not think it is a problem and told me that lots of times APs just get caught up in relationship drama btwn. EMs and EFs. However, I feel very unsettled.

Any advice?

Thanks!

DX AMA + MFI <p>

After almost 5 years, 7 fresh IVF cycles and a few losses along the way, we are excited to move on to domestic infant adoption!<p>


[url="http://theglamorousworldofivf.blogspot.com/"]My IVF Blog[/url]<p>

[url="http://weplanlifehappens.blogspot.com/"]My Adoption Journey[/url]<p>

Re: Quest. about unknown EFs/ multiple possiblilities....

  • I would be freaking out too.

    However, I think how it may go down will depend on your state and how they handle birthfather rights. It's all well and good for the EM to say she's the mom and signed the papers so all is good. If it's a birthfather-friendly state, however, they may have to notify these guys and go through some sort of legal process to ID the birthfather and at least notify him of the adoption. Other states, not so much

    So I think it's a good move that you're talking to your lawyer.

    Our experience was that DD's birthmom identified the birthfather and he wanted nothing to do with any of it. He didn't return any attempts at contact and refused to sign anything (I think he didn't want to acknowledge paternity). In our state, our lawyer could use an abandonment clause that he didn't support the child or the birthmom, and that they weren't living together. After a few months they could use that clause and petition the court to grant TPR for the birthfather. But he still had to be served papers notifying him of the court date. But we were in a state where they had to move heaven and earth to identify a birthfather and notify him.

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