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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
meangieman
member
Does my DH drink to much??
meangieman
member
I'm hoping that I'm just over thinking this but should I be concerned that almost instantly after DH gets home from work in the evening he mixes himself a drink? I worry only because my FIL is/was an alcoholic and has been sober now for about 6 years. I have said something to my DH about this subject in the past but he says that he isn't getting drunk so it's not a problem where I feel the need/want for him to have that drink in the evenings is enough of a concern...help what else can I do and is this really a problem?? TIA ladies
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Re: Does my DH drink to much??
Everyone will have their own opinion and experiences to draw from, but if it's as you say, a drink and not multiple drinks, I wouldn't side-eye it too hard. When I was working, my favorite thing to do was come home and relax with a glass of wine. So my thinking would be if it's okay for me, it's okay for my husband.
If your husband is drinking through the evening or at any time acts impaired (even after just one drink) of course you are 100% right to be voicing concerns to him. It's also good that you've opened a dialogue with him about it making you uncomfortable, regardless. I have recovering alcoholics in my family (both grandfather and father, and DH's father) and I do understand how easy it is to get jumpy about this stuff- anything to break the cycle!
Sometimes DH will have a beer when he gets home from work and I have no issue with that. The general rule in our house is nothing alcoholic before DD is in bed for the night, but he's also a grown adult and I spend enough of my day parenting DD that I don't have it in me to parent DH as well. I trust him to set and follow limits and he has not let me down yet.
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The best way to tell if he is becoming and alcoholic is if he craves that drink in the evening. I had a priest tell a story that they would have mixed drinks once a month and he would start to crave that drink. He ended up stopping this because he was becoming controlled by the drink.
That being said, I know others that can have one drink every night and have no problems.
This... also I don't recall the PP who mentioned no drinks until DD is in bed.... really??! Why? It's not like your getting wasted and you can't walk your child up to bed. Your child isn't going to have emotional issues because you are drinking a glass of wine with dinner. But then again if you are getting wasted or after bedtime...then that is a whole different situation.
Not sure where this is coming from. I think I was pretty clear that I don't have an issue with a drink after work or with dinner. By using the term 'general rule', I meant just that. We generally don't. Sometimes we do. We never get 'wasted' and I'm not sure how/why you would infer that from my post. Respectfully, this kind of seems to be an overreaction.
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Yeah this. H and I crack beer or have a glass of wine pretty much every night. I don't see the big deal. We're not drunk. We're still fully functioning. LO knows it's for "Mommy and Daddy only." It's okay for kids to see responsible adults doing adult things and to learn not everything is for them. I've also seen people do dumber things for another Diet Coke or go completely crazy after 3 cups of coffee.
How is his behavior if he doesn't get that drink? Is he stopping at just one for sure? Does it change his temperment at all, etc? I'd be more worried if it changed his personality or the drink started coming before other things.
I also have to be honest. I think it's nuts and a huge overreaction to think you are being controlled by one drink. I fully understand being worried about alcoholism or having a family history, but don't over think it either.
I don't have advice for you, but I DO think it could be a problem. It's not that it's "too much," it's that it seems like a risky pattern. I would be a little concerned b/c of his family history, b/c he looks forward to and mixes that drink daily as part of his routine, and most of all, b/c he still does it EVEN THOUGH you already talked about it being an issue for you. It would be very easy, over time, for that one drink to become stronger, then to become two, etc. Google it and you can do some online questionnaire type things to determine if it's problem drinking.
https://www.helpguide.org/mental/alcohol_abuse_alcoholism_signs_effects_treatment.htm
How is his behavior if he doesn't get that drink? Is he stopping at just one for sure? Does it change his temperment at all, etc? I'd be more worried if it changed his personality or the drink started coming before other things.
It's hard to gauge his behavior lately cause he has been awful short and almost moody when he gets home...I try to ask him what's wrong or if he had a bad day at work and he always just says "I don't know" or "I'm fine"
I would say it depends on the night cause if it's the weekend he will have more then one drink, more like 3 or more, he used to just sit down and crack a beer while watching tv but now it seems like he has moved on to mixing himself a drink drink or 2 a night.
I have voiced my concerns and try to talk with him about what's going on but he has never really sat down and openly discussed life...it's gonna sound like I'm making excuses right now but he mom just overcame ovarian cancer this year and now his dad is battling some on-going medical issues and since we are the closet he gets kind of sucked in to pull his dad's weight at his parent's place.
I don't know what else to try to do or to say to him that will help because I know he has been going through a lot lately but I don't feel that turning to drinking and distancing himself from me is the answer either...he always seems to get so defensive when I do bring it up...
Ok this post is completely different from your OP. What you are describing here is someone who sounds like they are going through a lot of stress right now, and is turning to alcohol to cope. You need to talk to him, and honestly I'd recommend that he see someone professional to help him deal with the illnesses in his family.
Alcohol *can* run in families. But more often than not, it doesn't.
The priority here should be emotional support with the family illnesses, not the drinking itself.
Considering what you know about FIL, I say you're justified in feeling concerned about it. You're concerned about DH ending up the same way, and it is good to let your DH know you worry about it.
However, I have to agree with PP. As long as he's having only 1 drink an evening to unwind a little, I don't think it means he's an alcoholic. I say let him enjoy his drink unless he tries to make the nightly drink 2 or more nightly drinks.