Babies on the Brain

I'm a horrible person...

My cousin just had a baby and I'm jealous! Of course, I'm happy for her and the baby is such a cutie pie! I have sent her messages and congratulated her a few times.

 The part that makes me crazy is that I'm older, been married longer, and my dh and I are no where near ready. My DH got a full time job last year and we were so excited because he had been out of work (working part time jobs) for years. We saved and bought our first house.  Now we found out his position will be gone at the end of the summer and so we are back to the drawing board and the same position we were in a year ago.  It's hard when I feel like everyone I knew is pregnant and everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to have a baby.

I'm so happy for her. She has a beautiful family! I would never say anything to her.  I am just ready for my turn, but it feels like we will never be financially ready. Oh well. I have a home I love, a steady job, a wonderful DH, and two fur babies.

vent over... You can call me selfish now. 


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Re: I'm a horrible person...

  • Jealousy is natural and does not make you a horrible person at all. Truth is that you are never financially ready, which I know you have heard. Life happens all the time and you will not always be ready for it. Let us look at this a positive way. Maybe he continues to look for a job, but then when the baby is born, if he does not have a full time job, he stays home to raise the little one while you continue to work? Maybe you downsize your life into a smaller place, cheaper car, etc. to afford a child on your salary with his part-time contributions to be sufficient. If you really want this, and do not want to continue waiting, try to find a way to make it happen. Also my other personal advice, stop constantly comparing yourself to other people i.e. "keep pointing out what other people have that you do not, but want." This just makes you feel like crap FOR NO GOOD REASON. Because guess what - those other people have the same feelings/thoughts about you. Love the life you got. Sending good vibes your way Nestie!!
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  • You are not a horrible person for this.  Everybody gets jealous.  I agree with the previous poster if you really want a baby now maybe you can work something out if you look at it from all angles.
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  • It seems to make it worse when you see friends or family getting what you've been wanting, doesn't it? Jealousy is normal, but letting it fester is not. It doesn't sound like you are, but just be cognizant of your emotions and snap yourself out of it if/when you recognize it getting darker.

    Don't worry, you sound responsible and mindful of your own living situation. Your turn will come.

  • The other day I made a post on this board... I think it is titled "is it just me?" anyways... I have been jealous lately of people in worse off situations than us having kids when we are waiting. Sounds crazy, I know. We married before all of our friends, bought a lovely house, do well financially, etc. but have certain financial and person goals to meet first... well pretty much everyone I know has kids by now and it is wearing on me. Recently found out a friend of mine who is not married, no job (or insurance, etc) is pregnant and she was actually ttc, not an oops. I get frustrated! I want to be able to stay home if we have kids and that is not doable right now and luckily we are 23/25 so we are not rushed.... still, it sucks.

    I know it's not the same but maybe you could explore hobbies during this time. Things that you have always wanted to do that you probably won't have time for once baby arrives... learn to sew, take horseback riding or music lessons, volunteer, try out for a local play. Just an idea. Of course if you are anything like me you will just learn new skills and lament how they could be used in mothering.... sewing cute baby clothes, strumming lullaby's, etc. lol

    Think of it this way... when you have a baby all of your friends and family will have older children so yours will be the cutest  

  • Another thought, perhaps this layoff is exactly what you guys need. Is it possible that he could now explore a career with different hours than you work or part time? For example, there are a lot of support positions at hospitals and other 24 hour facilities that hire 2nd or 3rd shift part time employees. Usually working nights gets you higher pay so he could work fewer hours. Or maybe you guys can survive on your income if you budget wisely.

    Then you eliminate the need for childcare expenses and perhaps could make due on your income and whatever he can make. Just a thought on turning lemons into lemonade! 

  • Thanks everyone!  I do feel better!  Thanks for letting me vent and offering suggestions.  I know my time will come.  Someone mentioned that others will have older children, which I think will be good.  Maybe I can get their hand-me downs.  :)

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