Taking the plunge into sleep training...

adoxyinherear · May 2013

Mobile: Taking the plunge into sleep training...

I'm not happy about it, but of all of the things the pediatrician said to me (and just sharing experiences here and with other mamas), I feel like we might all be a little less crazy if Elinor had a little help STTN. Most nights she goes down for bed beautifully, it's the night wakings that are an issue. She had a HUGE dinner yesterday and nursed like crazy in the evening, and still she was up at midnight, 2, 4:30, and 7. I feel like a zombie. Most nights she's up at midnight, 3, and 7, and on our best nights she still doesn't drop that 3 a.m. feeding, she just sleeps through to her usual wake up time around 9.

We're thinking of going with graduated extinction with parental presence. I know I am not comfortable not responding to her cries right now, but responding in a way that helps her learn to depend more on herself seems like a good thing to me. I am a little concerned about my supply/her getting enough milk, as she's become something of a lousy nurser during the day when there's so much for her to do. But hopefully I can get her to shift some of those feedings into the day time (when it's not uncommon for her to go five hours without nursing, even though I offer every two or three).

Has anyone tried this particular method? What were your experiences?

ct103 · May 2013

I have no advice, but I want to wish you luck! I'm suffering a lot at night too these days

mork · May 2013

I don't have advice, just well wishes!

adoxyinherear · May 2013

Thanks, ladies!

Karen1998 · May 2013

We had a similar schedule. I HATED it. We did CIO with gradual extinction (so, Ferber). Parental presence just egged him on. It actually worked pretty well and quickly at getting rid of the 2 am feeding, but it practically took an act of God to get rid of the 4:30 am one. I thought he'd never get past that. We finally got rid of it at a year with the same method. When it finally went away the sun came out and the birds started to sing...

One thing that really helped me was having a plan and a DH committed to it. When it's 4am and you're tired, you'll do anything to just sleep, even if it means ditching your plan. Having him back me up and help me stick to the plan worked wonders.

GL. Expect that it'll take some time. We usually saw some improvement after 3-4 nights.

Your supply will be fine. She's at the right age to do a boob strike. Plus, with her eating that much at night, she's probably not as hungry during the day. Once you get her night weaned, her nursing during the day should pick up, though she'll still probably be a distracted nurser.

adoxyinherear · May 2013

Karen1998:
We had a similar schedule. I HATED it. We did CIO with gradual extinction (so, Ferber). Parental presence just egged him on. It actually worked pretty well and quickly at getting rid of the 2 am feeding, but it practically took an act of God to get rid of the 4:30 am one. I thought he'd never get past that. We finally got rid of it at a year with the same method. When it finally went away the sun came out and the birds started to sing...
One thing that really helped me was having a plan and a DH committed to it. When it's 4am and you're tired, you'll do anything to just sleep, even if it means ditching your plan. Having him back me up and help me stick to the plan worked wonders.
GL. Expect that it'll take some time. We usually saw some improvement after 3-4 nights.
Your supply will be fine. She's at the right age to do a boob strike. Plus, with her eating that much at night, she's probably not as hungry during the day. Once you get her night weaned, her nursing during the day should pick up, though she'll still probably be a distracted nurser.

Thank you! DH and I are going to have a long talk about it today... the only issue I see is that because I work from home, I'm always the one who gets up with her right now, and this will mean we'll both need to be doing it (because I suspect she'll flip if I don't nurse her straightaway). Also, the crying.

And I'm going to try with the parental presence first, if only because I just don't feel emotionally ready to let her cry for very long without doing something. I can hardly sit still when she's crying for DH. But, I feel like it's the time.

MrsRiceARoni · May 2013

I'm not familiar with that method and we aren't old enough for sleep training over here yet but I can tell you what we've done that had gotten us to consistent 1 wake up a night until she hit 4 months,, now she goes back and forth between 1 and 2 most nights. First I stopped running to her room as soon as I heard she was awake, often she'd make some noises for a few minutes and fall back asleep so now I wait until she actually cries before I go to her. Secondly unless it's her normal wake up between 2 and 4 I try to send DH in to put her back to sleep especially when she occasionally wakes up 1 to 2 hours after I fed her. This part was hard because I SAH and mh works but doing this has helped everyone get more sleep over all. When MH goes in he tries to leave her in her crib and give her a pacifier and pat her tush to get her to fall back asleep. If that doesn't work he'll pick her up and if I hear she isn't calming down after a few minutes I will come in to nurse her. If she wakes up for the first time during that 2 to 4 window I just let mh sleep and go in and feed her because I know if she has slept that long she needs to eat so I don't bother mh (of course my lo is much younger and quite petite so nursing at night is still important for her). Over all I'd recommend trying to cut one night session out at a time and recruit yh to help out. It may be hard waking him up for a few nights to help but it'll be worth it when your lo is sleeping longer and you are all more rested Good Luck!

orangegoggles · May 2013

No advice but well wishes. My DS is on a similar schedule as your DD, except that's been a good night for us lately. I can't wait until he's ready for some sleep training as we are all getting burnt out.

melly918 · May 2013

With DS, I would make sure he was satisfied before going to bed for the night. He would go in the crib awake and the first few nights he would cry and cry. I would go in, say "it's bedtime," pat him or rub him a little, then leave the room again. He would continue to cry and my response time would just get a little longer each time (something like a 5 minute wait the first time, then 10 min). It was torture, I know, but it lasted less than a week and now I have a child that can go to bed without a fight and he will lay in bed looking at his projector, completely contented, until he falls asleep, even if it took him a hour to fall asleep, he's completely fine laying there.

As for the frequent middle of the night feeds, I would just start waiting a little to see if she'd fall back asleep. If the crying continues for more than a few minutes then decide to either have your husband go in to check in on her - decide if you want him to pick her up or not - OR - go in yourself and determine if she really is hungry and needs to nurse. We loved our video monitor during these moments because we could gauge from DS' body language and expressions if he was truly upset or just fussing a bit.

adoxyinherear · May 2013

Thanks all for your continued experiences/support. She hasn't nursed really, just little 15 second snacks, since 7 a.m. this morning even though I've offered and offered... she's apparently getting all of her milk at night right now, so this is going to be miserable

kpowers982 · May 2013

No advice. Just wanted to tell you I'm going to eat that deliciously adorably behbeh of yours

MickeyM04 · May 2013

I'm not familiar with that method but when I went back to work, DS was getting up 2 times a night to eat and we wanted to knock it down to 1. So for the feeding we wanted to eliminate (I can't remember which one but I think it was the first one), we sent DH in there so DS wouldn't smell my milk. Then DH would give him his paci and rock him until he went back to sleep. After about a week, DS stopped waking up for that feeding, presumably because he learned nothing was going to happen for him if he woke up other than some snuggle time with dad. After that he only got up once a night, around 2 or 3 am, so I could get a couple decent stretches of sleep. Good luck with whatever you do, but definitely bring on dad to help. It's so hard to eliminate middle of the night feedings when mom is the one going in with her big ol' boobies full of deliciousness.

adoxyinherear · May 2013

Peanut2929:
I'm not familiar with that method but when I went back to work, DS was getting up 2 times a night to eat and we wanted to knock it down to 1. So for the feeding we wanted to eliminate (I can't remember which one but I think it was the first one), we sent DH in there so DS wouldn't smell my milk. Then DH would give him his paci and rock him until he went back to sleep. After about a week, DS stopped waking up for that feeding, presumably because he learned nothing was going to happen for him if he woke up other than some snuggle time with dad. After that he only got up once a night, around 2 or 3 am, so I could get a couple decent stretches of sleep. Good luck with whatever you do, but definitely bring on dad to help. It's so hard to eliminate middle of the night feedings when mom is the one going in with her big ol' boobies full of deliciousness.

DH is going to make this difficult. He already said, "I can't get up at night." Then GL to him listening to DD scream when I don't nurse her.

I am so miserable about this,

adoxyinherear · May 2013

theresat858:
Can you try just cutting out one night feeding at first? Maybe the midnight one, or maybe the 5am one?
I would focus on getting her to eat more during the day, though. Honestly, no baby is going to sleep well if she is hungry. Can you nurse only in a very non-distracting environment?
I've noticed my LO sleeps the best when she eats a lot at dinner...ie when we give her her favorite foods.

I was really trying today. It doesn't seem to matter where I nurse her, she just won't take it when she doesn't want it (which was most of the day). We fed her a lot of dinner tonight, and I read a really helpful article about cutting down the nursing time on her feedings first, so she'll get enough that she's not starving and will go back to sleep, but will eventually need to take in more calories during the day. I hope.

I'm fine giving her a big topping off at midnight, but the usual 3 a.m. has got to go. If I could just get her to sleep from midnight to 7, I could deal, easily.

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