7 yr old SS Jealous of 22 month old sister?

Starlight811 · May 2013

The past month or so i've noticed my 7yr old SS has been getting irritated or annoyed when the attention is on his 22month old little sister. Since our LO was born SS was helpful and never showed signs of jealousy. They play together, feed eachother and are very sweet most of the time. They find it fun to chase eachother play hide and seek and play at the park. Now sometimes we will be at the park and bc LO needs a nap we leave and he will ask "WHY!" and he wants to stay no reason to leave, but he already knows why. Sometimes he will ask if we can all watch a movie at night but after the "baby" falls asleep. Our lo obviously won't sit still for a 2 hour movie so he knows she will need attention. We do spend time just with him, but we just notice sometimes when she picks up his book or shoes he gets really mad sntaches it away from LO and says "No thats mine its not yours!" Anyone go through this? They have a big age gap, just wondering what solutions anyone with this experience had? Sometimes when SS gets annoyed i all of a sudden hear LO cry or whine and i ask whats going on and he says nothing but ive seen him pull her ahair before...not hard...but definitely out of anger not a happy pull of the hair! Any suggestions from someone that went through this would be great!

Littlejen22 · May 2013

Don't leave him alone with her!

+just+j+ · May 2013

Okay people. One more time...this is normal. Normal!

It takes more than just spending time with him. Spending time with him doesn't fix jealousy, but talking through his feelings as well as how he should act, what he should do differently and re-directing his actions and behavior will work over time.

Reward him with "I am so proud of you!" when he does behave the way he needs to. Comment about how responsible and big he's getting when he acts the way he should and is loving toward his sister.

Don't just punish him, help him work thru the anger and come up with a better way of coping with his anger toward his sister.

SimpleJane · May 2013

JNL$LSM:
justj:
Okay people. One more time...this is normal. Normal!It takes more than just spending time with him. Spending time with him doesn't fix jealousy, but talking through his feelings as well as how he should act, what he should do differently and redirecting his actions and behavior will work over time.Reward him with "I am so proud of you!"nbsp; when he does behave the way he needs to. Comment about how responsible and big he's getting when he acts the way he should and is loving toward his sister.Don't just punish him, help him work thru the anger and come up with a better way of coping with his anger toward his sister.

Totally agree! This is normal blended family or not! It takes time!

This. This. This.

Littlejen22 · May 2013

justj:
Okay people. One more time...this is normal. Normal!It takes more than just spending time with him. Spending time with him doesn't fix jealousy, but talking through his feelings as well as how he should act, what he should do differently and redirecting his actions and behavior will work over time.Reward him with "I am so proud of you!"nbsp; when he does behave the way he needs to. Comment about how responsible and big he's getting when he acts the way he should and is loving toward his sister.Don't just punish him, help him work thru the anger and come up with a better way of coping with his anger toward his sister.

Do you see the age? I am on my phone and don't see an age so I have it in my mind that the LO is barely walking if at all and the other kid is like 7 plus and he is pulling her hair. I do think it is mostly normal but I have no patience for an older kid pulling a LOs hair even if it was my DS with DD and they are only two years apart. All I thought when I read the question of how to stop him from pulling her hair is to not leave them alone.

karatechrissy · May 2013

This is normal. They are siblings. My SS is 7 and my DD will be 3 in a month. They are the exact same way. They both know how to get under each others skin, and they do it on purpose sometimes, but they are very sweet and love each other for the most part. They have smacked each other... it happens. I don't go to the extent of saying my SS can't be alone with her... I used to beat the shizz out of my sister and she me when we were little. It's part of growing up. Discipline as you see fit, but it won't stop... it's just how siblings are. lol.

Starlight811 · May 2013

Yes, obviously jealousy is normal!! Im asking parents with this experience what helped them get through this phase thats all. Bc of their 6 yr difference its just hard to give both attention and i dont want SS to ever feel left out or 2 he's amazing and we praise him for his good grades all the time. Since he never acted this way b4 its just all new to me and i was hoping to hear from experiences how long it lasted and what helped them. Thanks for those that gave advice and i had a talk with DH and we agree not to let them play alone anywhere just bc he is testing his sister by pulling hair etc and i dont want them both thinking thats ok.

hindsight's_a_biotch · May 2013

There's really no magic pill for normal behaviors. You correct them. You move on. They grow out of it. Fin.

I mean I understand where you're coming from. Mine are 11, 9, and 15 months. So yeah, there are things you keep an eye on but in general, in my personal opinion, the sooner kids figure out that there is no fair between siblings, the better. Babies need a different kind of attention, the kind that often feels like more to older siblings. You shouldn't apologize for that. He still has to behave decently. You just need to remind him that he's a big boy and you spend time with big boys differently. You know, unless he'd like to take a nap like babies and if he takes a nap like a baby, then he won't get to have story time while baby is napping (or you know, what ever it is you do.)

Getting older is a trade off.

socloudy99 · May 2013

My SKs are 17, 15, 13, and 13 and they still get jealous of each other. SD17 is jealous of everything the younger ones do. The younger ones get jealous of SD17 when it is something major like getting a drivers license.

Ilumine · May 2013

Continually explain that fair does not mean equal. And give him fair.

Case in point, his desire to want to watch a movie when the baby is in bed. OF COURSE HE WANTS THAT. And that is a FAIR thing to give him. Hell, its a fair thing to give the adults.

The fact that he is actually ASKING for fair things and you are dismissing them as jealousy vs a congnitive and appropriate way to deal with his current situation is probably part of the problem.

Another example is the park. Do you always go to the park right before the toddler's nap time? The fair thing would be to go earlier and leave before naptime so SS's time is not always screwed by the toddler. Its a perception for him, but it shows him that you are taking his needs into account.

I have a 13 year difference between my SS and DD. We were clear from the beginning that while DD would probably get more active TIME from us, it was not quality and we most certainly provided him with QUALITY AGE APPROPRIATE time.

And guess what - we also put SS's needs first many times (though some here doubt me). We did not arrange our lives around DD's schedule, but did what was best for all of us. So if DD had to nap earlier or later to make sure that SS got something... it happened. And my DD did not break

Lela101 · May 2013

Ilumine:
Continually explain that fair does not mean equal. nbsp;And give him fair. Case in point, his desire to want to watch a movie when the baby is in bed. nbsp;OF COURSE HE WANTS THAT. nbsp;And that is a FAIR thing to give him. nbsp;Hell, its a fair thing to give the adults. nbsp;The fact that he is actually ASKING for fair things and you are dismissing them as jealousy vs a congnitive and appropriate way to deal with his current situation is probably part of the problem. Another example is the park. nbsp;Do you always go to the park right before the toddler's nap time? nbsp;The fair thing would be to go earlier and leave before naptime so SS's time is not always screwed by the toddler. nbsp;Its a perception for him, but it shows him that you are taking his needs into account. I have a 13 year difference between my SS and DD. nbsp;We were clear from the beginning that while DD would probably get more active TIME from us, it was not quality and we most certainly provided him with QUALITY AGE APPROPRIATE time. nbsp;And guess what we also put SS's needs first many times though some here doubt me. nbsp;We did not arrange our lives around DD's schedule, but did what was best for all of us. nbsp;So if DD had to nap earlier or later to make sure that SS got something... it happened. nbsp;And my DD did not breaknbsp;nbsp;

Couldn't agree more.

7 yos are pretty predictable in this way. Plan and anticipate to reduce these issues. Praising about grades is not enough, praise his behavior with ur toddler when he treats her well, plays etc. Positive reinforcement. Give him time alone/time out. Make sure some of his things are his things only that the toddler cannot touch but must be kept in his room on a shelf and played with away from the toddler. The rest he can share. Talk talk talk so he feels heard.

Alohalove · May 2013

I think it's kids being kids. I know it's frustrating and can drive you crazy. I'm proud of myself everyday that I don't take my baby and run away from home. Kidding!! Sort of... Lol!

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