Do you love your DC or just tolerate?

welly01 · May 2013

WMs, do you love sending your LO to DC or do you just accept it as a reality of working?

On Friday when I picked up LO, he was crying hard enough that he was "hiccuping", like out of breath. I asked the teacher if he'd been crying for 15 minutes (his schedule said he'd been awake for 15 mins) and she said no, she'd tried sitting him on the floor and rocking him in his bed, but she thought his teeth were hurting him and nothing could console him. Honestly, I feel like she basically lied to me. For him to be crying that hard, it was at least 15 minutes of crying. Today I'm still upset and feel like he's not being well taken care of. He recently turned 6 months and they have several younger babies. I feel like he's gotten old enough to play by himself with toys, so that is basically all he does all day while they tend to the younger babies.

I know that they can't immediately attend to all his needs, but crying that hard is unacceptable. I have generally been happy with this DC, but I'm considering looking for something else. We don't have online access to video feed, but for moms who do, do you watch it frequently and still feel like your baby is attended to the same regardless of their age?

DH thinks I'm just being a little sensitive and its just a fact of DC that they will be left to cry sometimes. I'm just wondering if this is acceptable treatment and I should just consider it an infrequent thing? Or should I go in and watch a few hours of video to see what he is doing all day. Sorry, I know I kind of rambled and didn't get my point across very well.

smiling76 · May 2013

ArkansasMom22:
Maybe your DC provider was right about your LO being inconsolable. When DS cut his top two teeth there were a few times he would scream and cry and nothing would calm him down, he wouldn't even nurse. Holding him, rocking him, etc did nothing but lead to more screaming and crying. When he gets that upset it only takes a few minutes of it before he starts hiccuping so maybe the provider was correct. I would see if it happens again and then address it as necessary. I know it is hard to see your LO so upset but sometimes the DC provider can't do anything.

This. Try not to jump to conclusions too fast but be cautious for sure. See if anything else seems odd or this happens again and then decide. We've certainly had those days and it stinks.

Are you in a daycare center or private home??

We are in daycare #3 and now I love my daycare

welly01 · May 2013

smiling76:
Are you in a daycare center or private home??

We are in daycare #3 and now I love my daycare

We are in a center. I don't feel like they're being purposefully neglectful, I just feel like since he's turned 6 months it seems like they don't have as much time for him. I just don't know what the normal amount of attention he should receive.

ASmallWonder · May 2013

I really think you're being sensitive. I get it - no one likes to see their kid upset. But really, a kid ca work themselves into a frenzy in less than 15 minutes. They're skilled and don't need much ramp up :-p And the fact is, kids are going to cry. It could just as easily have happened had he been home with you. Being unable to stop a kid from crying doesn't mean they didn't try.

aglenn · May 2013

It would bother me, especially in the context of your general feeling that he's not getting as much attention now that he is a little older. 6 months is definitely not old enough to spend large chunks of time in independent play, in my opinion. I would start by talking to the teacher and getting specifics on his day and what he is doing, and go from there.

welly01 · May 2013

Estwd2:
But to assume they aren't giving him enough attention just because he was hiccuping seems silly to me.

He wasn't hiccuping. He was crying so hard that he was out of breath, where they look like they're hiccuping. The only time I've ever seen him cry that hard was when we tried (and failed) CIO for 15 minutes. So in my opinion, he'd been left in his bed to cry until they could get to him.

aeh72 · May 2013

I can see why you would be upset - I hate it when I see DS cry like that. But, I would not necessarily assume he'd been left to cry like that for an extended period of time. DS can turn on tears like that at the drop of a dime. Of course, as his mother, if he's crying that hard, I run to cuddle him but they truly may not be able to do that at daycare if there are multiple babies with multiple needs at that moment. If he had injured himself and they weren't doing anything, that would be a problem for me; but if he upset because he was teething or just because he did not want to be in his crib, they might genuinely need to let him cry it out for a bit. That's just my feeling on the situation.

It sounds like, though, that you have additional concerns about their overall care for him. What makes you think they are just letting him play by himself and not paying as much attention to him? If there are no videos, how do you know that? I'm not saying your vibe may not be right, but if you are going to talk with them about the way they care for him, you definitely want to be able to go in with concrete concerns that they can respond to and, if needed, adjust. But, even with that being said - I think allowing LOs to play and explore independently for period of time is also good for them developmentally, as long as they are in a safe environment and are being monitored. Again, just my two cents.

To answer you first question - we love our DCP. So much so that even if I could stay at home, I would still want DS to go there; he loves them and they love him and he is thriving there. If you aren't feeling that way about your situation, maybe it is a good idea to see what other options are out there.

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick · May 2013

I can see why you would be upset - I would be upset about that too. I feel like as his mom, you know him and his cries/crying patterns. My DS hardly ever cries so if I were to go pick him up and he was crying like that, I would be upset and wonder what was wrong.

I agree with PPs that it sounds as if you have additional concerns about their overall care for him and I wonder if that is the real issue.

To answer you first question - I tolerate my DC. We had DS at a daycare that I LOVED, but then we moved. Options here are limited and it is probably the best in this area, but it in no way compares to what we had before.

LoCarb · May 2013

LOVE my DC! My first one I tolerated and the 2nd I hated which I pulled LO out within a short period.

It is upsetting to see your LO cry but babies cry. Keep an eye on it. Is there anything else that is bothering you? This doesn't seem like a huge issue to change DC's.

To answer the web cam question-Yes, my current DC has a webcam. Honestly, when LO was in the infant room I rarely watched. It was kind of boring to see LO sleeping or in a bouncy chair. The excitement did not occur until the toddler room then I logged in more often. Now I have a 2 & 4 yo and rarely watch the camera. I'm very busy at work too.

mben1119 · May 2013

welly01:
Estwd2:
But to assume they aren't giving him enough attention just because he was hiccuping seems silly to me.
He wasn't hiccuping. He was crying so hard that he was out of breath, where they look like they're hiccuping. The only time I've ever seen him cry that hard was when we tried (and failed) CIO for 15 minutes. So in my opinion, he'd been left in his bed to cry until they could get to him.

DS can go from zero to crying so hard he's puking in a matter of 2 minutes. I think that you're being oversensitive.

honeybee72 · May 2013

Of course it's going to upset you to see your child crying that hard, regardless of the situation. But, as others have pointed out, it doesn't mean your provider did not make an effort to console him. One of mine can, as others have indicated, wind herself up to hysterics pretty quickly (she isn't teething yet; I do not look forward to it) but it sounds like your son is not like that. At least not at home.

I agree with those who say you seem to have a sense that there are other things going on here; that there is more to your concern than just this one instance. However, based on the opening of your post, I might guess that you have more of an issue with having to place your son in DC than possibly with the center itself. Is that possibly what's happening here?

You say you don't have online access to video of the center, but imply that you could get access to a few hours if you requested it. Is that the case? We don't have video period at our center, but a colleague of mine did. He said it was really a difficult thing; it's tough to watch someone take care of your child differently than you would and it's tough to watch other children being attended to while yours also needs attention. But it is the reality of the situation.

If you can request access to the videos, I might start there. You shouldn't have to give a reason and they should be willing and supportive of your request. If that's not something you can do, I would talk to your son's teacher a bit more about what happened on Friday. (You don't actually say if your son is teething or not.) I can tell that the main teachers in my girls' room actually care about them because they do tell me about bad days and we do try to help one another with suggestions.

welly01 · May 2013

Thank you for all of your replies. I guess I might be being too sensitive.

I don't have any other specific issues with the center, just a general feeling of as he gets older, he's getting held less and less. Which, I guess, is a general progression toward independence?

I do have access to video and they have agreed to let me watch it. I'm trying to decide if I want to actually do that. Daycare is really the only option for us right now, so as long as I don't feel like he's being harmed or actually neglected I think, for my own sanity, I'm going to have to let it go. I do feel like the teachers actually like and care about him. They just have had their hands full lately with the younger babies that are coming into the room.

NicoleWI · May 2013

I just tolerated our daycare. We were there about 2 years and then switched to a nanny when DS was born. It was a very "nice" center, but it just wasn't for me. Teacher turnover and communication issues bothered me a lot, plus illnesses. And some unexplained minor injuries (bite marks, bruises) that MUST have made DD cry but they claimed not to have noticed at all. And the limited outdoor play time.

I had just started to feel better about it as DD neared 2 years of age, and that's when we pulled her out.

aeh72 · May 2013

welly01:

Thank you for all of your replies. I guess I might be being too sensitive.

I don't have any other specific issues with the center, just a general feeling of as he gets older, he's getting held less and less. Which, I guess, is a general progression toward independence?

I do have access to video and they have agreed to let me watch it. I'm trying to decide if I want to actually do that. Daycare is really the only option for us right now, so as long as I don't feel like he's being harmed or actually neglected I think, for my own sanity, I'm going to have to let it go. I do feel like the teachers actually like and care about him. They just have had their hands full lately with the younger babies that are coming into the room.

Probably right around DS's 6 month mark, two new babies started at his daycare. The day they showed up, I left with this kind of panic feeling of "oh no, what if they don't pay as much attention to DS now that there are younger babies." I shocked myself at how much I kind of freaked out internally that day. So, I totally get what you are going through. Over time, the type of attention he got was different because he didn't require the same type of attention that younger babies need and naturally get. And, you know what? It got even more fun to drop him off and watch him crawl off to his favorite toy and then to pick him up and hear about his day and all the things that he was learning to do. It will get easier.

MNgirl326 · May 2013

I love LO's daycare center. I trust them completely, and know that they are always doing their best. Have there been days where incidents have happened? sure. They are human too.

If you go looking for problems with a daycare center - you willl always find them. But at the same time remember that they - to keep their license have to follow very strict guidelines, so changes are any incident that comes is purely accidental and usually not intentional

laurakaz13 · May 2013

We absolutely LOVE our daycare. But I am laid back and I don't think crying is a big deal.

I would NEVER watch a video monitor. I think they are totally neurotic anyway, so I wouldn't disrupt my work day that way.

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