Crying baby?

MBush4 · May 2013

Recently a few people have lectured me for being a "wimp" and not letting my 3 month old cry. Their reasoning is that I pick him up too soon which will make him unable to self-sooth and dependent. But in my mind, at 14 weeks he's still learning who he can trust and not trust. But now I worry that I may be too quick to respond. Of course there are times I let him cry a little (3-5 minutes max) but should I let him go longer? I like attachment parenting ideas because I think it is vital for children to know their needs will be met and that they are loved. But I don't want to coddle my baby. Please tell me I'm not messing stuff up...

MamaHanna · May 2013

You are spot on! I am in the process of working on a MA in developmental psychology (and 11 weeks pregnant)and crying baby 101 states pick that baby up! Yes the Ferber method is a viable choice but not until at least 6 months. A newborn does not have the mental capacity to put together the thought of crying=mom. If they are crying it is for a reason, even if the reason is I want mom! You have to take into consideration they were in a nice, warm, quite cozy womb for their entire existence and now they are out in the ever changing world. What it all comes down to is what makes you and your baby comfortable?because if mama is not happy then baby won?t be happy!

blu-eyedwife · May 2013

My son is almost 20 months, and I can tell you that whatever you do now is not going to impact his ability to self-soothe in the future. He will develop his own self soothing techniques. And even once he is able to self soothe, over the next couple of years he will vacillate between wanting to be totally independent, and wanting to be glued to your hip.

You don't need to let him cry for any length of time (not to say you have to drop everything when you hear him, just that you don't have to make him cry for a certain amount of time before responding). One of the things I like about the AP philosophy, as well as the idea behind being responsive to crying, is the idea that by letting your child know you will be there for them, they are more willing to take risks/be independent. They know that if something really bad happens, mom will be there. If they really need you, you'll be there. And that's a good thing. We should all feel that we can try to fly, because even if we fall, someone will help us back up.

MBush4 · May 2013

That's why I like attachment parenting as well. DH and I work (DH FT, me PT) and so I know it's a little different for us that parents who can SAH, but I still want my baby to grow up knowing we will always be there. Thanks for the insight ladies!

Runaway22 · May 2013

Hey, February mama! Smile

I'm a newbie, too, but I really don't think you're messing anything up by responding to baby's cries immediately, especially at this age. People just don't always know what they're talking about with they're "wimp" talk.

Besides... there's really nothing wrong with being a softie when it comes to babies this young. I consider it more of a virtue than anything

tjkdlhb · May 2013

cuddle that baby!

jk382 · May 2013

My son is 16 months and I held him all the time for the first year of his life. He had terrible reflux and holding/wearing him really seemed to help. We also exclusively co-slept for the first 14 months (until he got too squirmy and no one could sleep). He is a really independent, great kid who is very much able to self-sooth. We even transitioned to the crib without any trouble. If I had a dollar for everyone who said I was spoiling him, we would be rich!!! Don't listen to what everyone tells you...it is your baby and you know what is best!

inthelost · May 2013

I agree you have to do what you feel is best for your child. If you want to hold him, then hold him. Don't let him cry it out if it makes you feel uncomfortable. there's no such thing as "spoiling" a newborn..

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