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visitation prior to court/ Anyone out there with sole or 50/50 custody?

RnMommy1RnMommy1 member
in Single Parents

Just needed a little advice. We are headed for court shortly and my baby's father is now very intent on seeing his daughter more so now than ever because it will help his case. Part of me is very happy for her although I know that this change happened as soon as he got a new lawyer and as soon as I filed for custody/cs. Regardless, I want him in her life but I don't believe 50/50 is healthy for our child specially since he works 80 hour weeks and can't be there to take care of our baby. He simply wants to lower cs by requesting 50/50 and is planning on hiring a nanny and moving his family member to help which is cheaper than paying cs to me.

Has anyone had experience with this? I'm being told by my lawyer that his sudden interest in seeing our child almost every day is not something i need to grant him and that the court will understand that we are not married and that I am entitled to a life with our child as well. I am also not denying him his right to see our child BUT just not every day. My lawyer suggested he visit 3x a week and respectfully decline more than that. Sometimes he asks for late night visits and 5 x a week. I would be overjoyed if this happened since the beginning and not just since filing for court. My question is:

A. Is denying him more than 3 times per week bad? Somehow I feel like this will be used against me even though I'm being advised legally that this is ok for now.

B. Anyone have experience with gaining sole physical custody or being declined?

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Re: visitation prior to court/ Anyone out there with sole or 50/50 custody?

  • tig594tig594 member
    How old is your child?
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  • StefB28StefB28 member

    When I filed, my lawyer told me that there was little to no chance that a judge would grant my husband 50/50 custody-- I requested joint custody, but questioned how much my husband would have them if he fought hard for time with them. (He didn't-- and like you, I didn't want to keep my kids from their dad, but I DID want an appropriate balance.) Apparently most judges here (according to my lawyer) don't believe a 50/50 split is healthy for kids. They believe that kids need to establish a true "home" and understand that they live one place and visit another. So here, in AL, the standard custody arrangement is every other weekend for the non-custodial parent (who is usually the dad). Of course there are exceptions to this rule, but it's the standard agreement.

    I think you have a very solid argument-- why should he have your DD more often when he can't be there with her? And late night visits? Not appropriate. 3x/week is PLENTY.

    Good luck!

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  • 360refresh360refresh

    imagebeccaga16:
    I believe both parents should be involved if possible. That being said... If he works 80 hours and his plan is too hire someone or bring in a family member to stay with the child while he works JUST to have 50/50 and lower CS then that is crap. You should make sure no matter the % of custody that the other parent has first chance to take the child if the other is unavailable. Basically if it is HIS time, but he has to work that you get first chance at that time with LO and same goes for him. I would make sure to highlight his working schedule and request that custody not be 50/50 at this time, but something more reasonable to fit his schedule.

    So much of this depends on the state and the judge. It is good to show that you are willing to negotiate and give a little bit but I don't believe it's expected that you just give in to everything. Being willing to allow visitation will show that you are putting LO's need above your own. However, most judges understand that a child needs stability too.

    I greatly second the notion that you request "right of first refusal". This means that before either parent is able to use a sitter or any type of day care services the other parent must be contacted and given the option to provide the services first.

    Be sure that your lawyer gets this included not matter what custody arrangement you end up with. Be sure that it is spelled out what notice must be given. You don't want to be held to this yourself and be waiting around with 2 hours to spare while XH waits to decide if he's going to take LO or not.

    Also, have it spelled out that when when a parent is used for services during their non-standard custody time it won't count against visitation. Meaning that if XH calls you to take LO during his time while he works you won't be expected to make up the time and offer him other time later.

    I hope that makes sense and you are able to find a suitable arrangement.

    360 refresh ~Guiding women through Challenging Times~ 360 refresh blog Forums
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