December 2013 Moms

Help!

I'm almost 9 weeks pregnant, 27 years old first pregnancy and my boyfriend left me when We found out. I'm not for abortion by any means but it's been so difficult. We haven't been talking and now that my parents are involved they are deeply sadden and would rather me terminate pregnancy than have to deal with him forever. I just got the news I'm a CF carrier, he obviously refused to do exam. So I have to do CVS to find out what's going on. I'm in a bind and don't know what to do. I wanted to keep it but seems like everything is against me and I don't know how I'm supposed to do this alone.

Anyone offer any advice?

Please help!

Would also like to hear about people whom had abortions or people they knew....

Re: Help!

  • I'm sorry you're in such a rough place but I'm not much help here, I'm prolife and it took me 12 yrs and 3mths to finally conceive our little miracle... I just wanted to say I pray you choose life for your baby and there is always adoption of you don't want to raise him/her
  • I can't imagine what your going through, but you have to make your
  • Loading the player...
  • ermimacermimac member
    I don't think this is the best place to look regarding people with abortion experience. Many ladies on this site have struggled (sometimes for years) to get pregnant. I'm sorry for your situation and hope your boyfriend comes around and stops being an idiot. Good luck!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker BabyFruit Ticker
  • I can't imagine what your going through, but you have to make your own decision if you let other people control what you think then you may regret it for the rest of your life. Do what your heart says! X
  • KFED103KFED103 member

    imageermimac:
    I don't think this is the best place to look regarding people with abortion experience. Many ladies on this site have struggled (sometimes for years) to get pregnant. I'm sorry for your situation and hope your boyfriend comes around and stops being an idiot. Good luck!

    This is what I was going to say. You need to find another forum to ask that kind of question.


    "Dont fucking ever come out your face talking shit like that" -SG 1/12/2014
    image

    image

    image


  • I'm sorry you have to go through this, but if you decide to go through with the birth of your precious little human please know that whether he wants to or not your boyfriend will have to help support your child. They can even garnish wages if he tries to not pay. Please consider adoption if you don't want to raise the child, but know most states require both parents to agree or either have him sign away his paternal rights.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • I was a single mom at the age of 22. It's difficult, I won't lie to you. But you can do it and it is rewarding. If he left you, he probably won't want to be part of the baby's life, which in my case, I found that to be way better. I could raise my daughter how I wanted and didn't have that extra baggage when I met my awesome husband. If you feel like you can't handle being a single parent, then I would suggest looking into adoption. But speaking from experience as a single mom, it's hard work but very gratifying.
    _______________________________________________________________________________________

    Jacob & Audra - married since 05.28.11
    Emma Kate - born 10.16.03 @ 29 weeks, weighed 1lb 13oz and 13.5" long.
    Ozzy Joseph - born 11.01.13 @ 31 weeks, weighed 3lbs 7oz and 16" long.
    TTC #3
    _______________________________________________________________________________________

  • I'd take some time to really consider your situation and what will ultimately be best for you.  Don't let anyone pressure you into anything you're not comfortable doing. If you don't want to terminate, don't. That's your choice.  Not your parents' or your unreliable partner's.  Do you have a long term plan to support the baby should you choose to keep it?  With unsupportive family members as well as an unsupportive boyfriend, are you prepared to bear the financial and emotional responsibility of raising a child alone? 

    I have friends who have terminated pregnancies, and had zero regrets about their decisions.  Some have gone on to marry and have kids later on down the line and are perfectly happy with their lives.  I've also had friends who made the opposite decision with equally happy outcomes. 

    This is a deeply personal decision.  No stranger on a message board is going to be able to tell you with certainty what's right for your life.  I sincerely wish you the best of luck!!!!

    imageimageimageimage
  • If you decide you're not ready to parent your child there are thousands of people who would be honored to do so for you. Please consider adoption! Good luck to you!

    image

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

  • I'm totally prepared to be judged for what I'm about to admit to....but I've had an abortion. I was 16 and in an abusive relationship. I won't lie, it was the best decision for me at the time, but I will say that immediately after the procedure, I was unexpectedly depressed and filled with guilt. The only reason I didn't continue the pregnancy and put the baby up for adoption is I didn't want my parents to find out. I know that is an incredibly immature and selfish decision, but I learned from it.

    I understand that in your position, knowing the baby might possibly end up with CF, adoption might not be ideal. But I urge you to seriously consider continuing the pregnancy and having the extra testing done. Abortion is not an easy thing to live with. It's been ten years and I'm still haunted by the decision.

    Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.
  • CF is a recessive disorder, so chances are still good that your baby wouldn't have it.  It sounds like most of what you're dealing with are temporary hardships... your parents are having trouble digesting the info, but chances are when they see a grandchild for the first time, their disappointment will go out the window.  You're not a teenager, and with hard work can support a baby by yourself.  As for losing a BF, it totally sucks now, but it's probably better in the long-run for you and the baby that he not be around. 

    I'm pro-life and don't have any experience with people who have had abortions.  But please don't make that decision based on what your parents think or your BF or anybody else other than you.  If you on any level want to give that baby life, then do it, or you will likely have regrets.  If you decide to raise your child, you will find the strength and love and money to do it and do it well.

  • I'm sorry you're going through this. My sister was 19 and got pregnant while away at college. My family was devastated, but the second we saw that sweet baby on the ultrasound,she became our whole world. She is now four years old and still so very special to each of us. It was hard for my sister but she found a great guy down the road and they are now married with kiddos of their own. I know this is a very personal and difficult choice. I will be praying for you!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I am really sorry you are going through this. Honestly, I think it would be in your and your baby's best interest for you to see a counselor or at least a trusted advisor/adult who is not related to you or emotionally involved in the situation. This is an extremely difficult decision and one that we probably can't help you make.

    I agree with PP that it sounds like most of the reasons you are doubting your ability to birth and/or parent this child are out of your control and potentially temporary (your family could come around, etc.). 

    I'm not trying my best not to give too much advice but I am definitely pro-life, but don't want to sway a stranger whose situation I am not familiar with. I really advice you find a good counselor to talk this through with who is impartial. 

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I was 2 months shy of my 16th birthday when I gave birth to my oldest daughter. The dad had split, my family disowned me and I was in foster care living in a group home for pregnant teens. Was it difficult? Yes. Was it worth it? Absolutely! There is no perfect situation, even those who are happily married deal with their fair share of trials and pregnancy related issues. I feel that you are turning to this board for the support your family isnt giving you you will get plenty of support here! You CAN do it! I firmly believe that a person doesn't know their hearts true capacity until they hold their baby for the first time. Your world will change in ways you think dont exist. Regardless of support, financial or moral; YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I have had friends who have had abortions..... It will haunt you forever. Every baby you pass in a store, every Pampers or Luvs commercial, you will be reminded. I also had a friend lose her pregnancy at 26 weeks due to a previous abortion. You have been given a gift. However, ultimately the decision is yours. Listen to YOUR heart, not others voices. Best of luck!
  • Being older than the average mom, I have older friends who have had abortions early on and then gone on to raise their families. I know four women like this. They shared their stories during a late night gab fest. One told me of sobbing when reading about a local high school graduation bc she knew her little one would have been in that class. They all told me of having multiple somber times remembering during milestone moments. These women all regretted their past decision to abort. They all went on to raise wonderful families, but are left with a nagging...what if? You are in a position that I do not envy, but I have never met a woman who could look at one of her children and wish she aborted one. My prayers are with you during this valley of decision.
  • KateVAKateVA member
    The replies here are overwhelmingly pro life which is unfair. Your body, your life, your choice. Don't keep the baby because people on the Internet told you too. And don't abort because your parents told you to. Only you can make this decision
  • It is completely up to you. If you want the baby you should have it regardless of whether he is in your life or not. I had a baby when I was 23 and wasn't in a relationship with the guy, I kept the baby and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. His sperm donor signed away his rights.
  • Amjoy25Amjoy25 member

    ::Lurking::

    I would question the name "Gone Fishing" and her joined date as today...I'm just sayin'.


     image


    photo f5b87909-fb54-49d9-91f2-1c11ca11c6c6_zpsb539db06.jpgimage
    imageimagehttps://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/FileUpload/07/a4ee8a96ea9a5b36f67716d2e4a85b.jpg
    image



  • So many couples are looking for children that can't have their own, you will never forget and it could haunt you if you terminate. You are stronger than you think, give yourself both a life and you can make a decision later when you have had a real chance to consider both your options.
  • imageAmjoy25:
    ::Lurking::I would question the name "Gone Fishing" and her joined date as today...I'm just sayin'.

    I agree.. sounds "fishy" to me.
    Trying to Conceive Ticker
  • imageKateVA:
    The replies here are overwhelmingly pro life which is unfair. Your body, your life, your choice. Don't keep the baby because people on the Internet told you too. And don't abort because your parents told you to. Only you can make this decision
    Agree 100%.  Raising a child is extremely difficult, particularly when you're not financially ready and have no support system.  

    OP, I'm sorry you're in this situation.   You know your options - single motherhood, adoption, and abortion.  All three are hard roads.  Good luck.  

    image
    Anything you can achieve through hard work, you could also just buy.
  • I have to say, sorry, so very sorry that he walked. You dont need a man to have a baby, i know many single moms who are rockstars! Like most others said, there is additional testing for you and your baby and always adoption. Dont worry about your family too much, this is your baby, your choice, if you want him/her have him!
  • You are a grown woman. This decision is yours and yours alone. Although family support is a very important thing, at this point in your life you shouldn't be making such a huge choice based on their wants and needs.

    If you want to have this child, then do so. There are programs that will assist you until you're self sufficient. The father of your child has a legal obligation to support his kid, it doesn't matter if he walked out or not. This child is half his and deserves to be supported.

    If you don't want this baby, then you have two options. Abortion and adoption. Again, that's your choice, not your family's.

    Like a PP said, definitely get unbiased counseling. A qualified counselor will help you explore all options available and help you make the best decision for you.

    Good luck.
  • I'm totally prepared to be judged for what I'm about to admit to....but I've had an abortion. I was 16 and in an abusive relationship. I won't lie, it was the best decision for me at the time, but I will say that immediately after the procedure, I was unexpectedly depressed and filled with guilt. The only reason I didn't continue the pregnancy and put the baby up for adoption is I didn't want my parents to find out. I know that is an incredibly immature and selfish decision, but I learned from it.

    I understand that in your position, knowing the baby might possibly end up with CF, adoption might not be ideal. But I urge you to seriously consider continuing the pregnancy and having the extra testing done. Abortion is not an easy thing to live with. It's been ten years and I'm still haunted by the decision.

    Best of luck to you, whatever you decide.

    I'm right there with this poster! I had an abortion at 15 and completely regret it! I would have been rewarded with such a wonderful little life had I not done that. Now I see other kids the same age as my child would have been and it
    Hurts me So much to know I missed out on that. I feel guilty still for killing my fetus. .
  • I've had an abortion and I don't regret it one bit. I won't get into the circumstances under which it happened, but they weren't really the same as yours. But, no matter, it was the best decision I've ever made. I've gone on to marry my DH and we have an 8 year old and another one on the way. You need to do what is right for you at this time. If you don't want to continue the pregnancy, don't. If you don't want to or feel you can't raise the child, but are fine continuing the pregnancy, consider adoption. Last, if you want to raise the child, you can do it I'm sure. No matter if your ex-BF wants to be involved, he will still have to pay child support, so you will get some financial help from him. 

    This is a very personal decision and one that can not be made with the help of internet strangers. Good luck in your decision.  

  • imageOhiomama2013:
     I have never met a woman who could look at one of her children and wish she aborted one.

    It's responses like these that make it impossible to have a civil conversation about abortion. 

    FTR, I'm extremely happy I aborted the pregnancy that I did. I wasn't going to raise a child with a man who raped me.

  • imageClomidCrazed:
    So many couples are looking for children that can't have their own, you will never forget and it could haunt you if you terminate.

    Maybe not. Even when I was going through fertility treatments, my decisions didn't haunt me. Contrary to what most pro-life people say, this will probably not screw you up for the rest of your life and doesn't make you a monster. It's not your responsibility to provide children for all the people who can't have them. If you don't want to continue the pregnancy, it's your choice. CHOICE...it's a beautiful word. 

  • amdftwamdftw member

    imageKateVA:
    The replies here are overwhelmingly pro life which is unfair. Your body, your life, your choice. Don't keep the baby because people on the Internet told you too. And don't abort because your parents told you to. Only you can make this decision

    Yes

    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • tealowltealowl member

    You really need to consider all options before making a decision. Being a single parent is very difficult. I had my DD at 19 and her Dad and I had a rocky relationship. And I would not have been able to financially support my daughter myself, I had to utilize state services and my parents helped me with bills for YEARS.

    I also had an abortion when I was 22 or 23. Having another child at that time would have been quite irresponsible of me, I could barely make ends meet at the time, and that father would have offered no help.  (FWIW, more than likely he didn't use the condom properly and I was obviously ovulating at the same time.) And I have had zero regrets, it has not affected me in any way. Abortion is legal and safer than pregnancy. Talking to a professional at Planned Parenthood would be a great resource for you. It's not 'killing a baby'. Every child should be wanted IMO, and I did not want another child at that time.

    You also should talk to adoption services as well, that may be a option for you.

    However, if you can support a child on your own without any financial help from any other resources, then take that route and the very best of luck to you. It's hard, but doable.

    And like other ladies said, this is not the best place for adoption or abortion resources, there are many ladies here that have been TTC for years.

    "Your truth is different from my truth, and we're both right."

    TTC since March 2013. BFP 4/13/13, blighted ovum discovered 6/6/13, m/c 6/8/13.

    BFP 11/10/13, EDD 7/25/13 - stick little owlet!

    BabyFruit Ticker

     

    View Full Size Image

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"