Summer Visitation

Re: Summer Visitation

• Ilumine member

  May 2013

  I LOVE LOVE LOVE DH's CO.  It was/is so terribly detailed about dates and times.  

  Summer vacation is split in half right down the middle with giving the kids about one week after school lets out and one week before school starts in their custodial home.

  Now, in DH's case, they alternated who got the kids full time because SD lived with DH and SS lived with BM.  But you CAN and SHOULD have something like that.  

  Just state that "the child NCP shall have the child NLT 7pm on the first Monday after school lets out for summer recess and will be retuned NLT 7pm on <insert however long you want for the summer> weeks later."

  Honestly, except for milestone events like weddings or 50th anniversaries (which you can address in the court order), having a concrete schedule allows both sides to make their plans months to even years in advance.  

  One of the reasons why we choose to get married Memorial Day weekend was because that fell in DH's window of visitation.   

  file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg

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• MommyEllenSue member

  May 2013

  We have a very detailed CO which I think is the only way to go. She just refuses to go by it. We have taken her to court for contempt twice for refusing visitation. I'm sure that is where we are headed again. I just get so tired of the constant drama! She wants to control everything and you can't control if a CO tells you what to do.

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• Ilumine member

  May 2013

  MommyEllenSue:

  We have a very detailed CO which I think is the only way to go. She just refuses to go by it. We have taken her to court for contempt twice for refusing visitation. I'm sure that is where we are headed again. I just get so tired of the constant drama! She wants to control everything and you can't control if a CO tells you what to do.

  I get it.  But it is even HARDER for a control freak to control everything when you have less to negotiate.  You are giving her a vision of power by sending her a letter about the dates you want...to her that is ASKING HER if she approves them...even though on your side you are telling her the dates you are taking.  Its the perception of control.  

  So if she wants to change something, she can because those specific dates are not written into the CO....they are flexible because YOU had to choose them.

  By making the actual dates inflexible for ALL concerned, she has even less legs to stand on for trying to control/change them.

  So if she tries to withhold visitation, it is ALL on her and she cannot claim (even to herself) that she never agreed to the dates or that she has some right to change the dates after the face.  

  That if she wants to change them, SHE needs to go to YOU in writing now.

  And let me tell you, BM tried that a couple times. And DH let her go until I came into the picture and told him that I was not going to live like that.   

  file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg

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• NDSalesGirl

  May 2013

  Our visitation is set specificly in the CO too, but BM always trys to fight it, or drives the 16 hours instead of meeting half way to pick up SS early because of one thing or another. SS cried the last time while BM was pulling him off DH's leg because she showed up 3 days early at Christmas to pick up SS and he did not want to go. We were even in a fight over the summer visitation, until CPS steped in. BM was planning on not letting us take SS and trying to get us to go to court so she could amend the CO so that DH only had 2 weeks in the summer and no Christmas time with SS. But she "really wants DH to have a relationship with SS, just on her terms"

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