Nursing to sleep

Natasha717 · May 2013

Need some advice please! DS is 20 months old and we have been bed sharing his whole life. He has always nursed to sleep and is really a great sleeper. Unfortunately my milk is drying up quickly and I'm kind of ok with it but he still wants to nurse to sleep. We can nurse for a few minutes but then it starts hurting and we have to stop.

Then comes the climbing off the bed, the climbing back on, "more books", etc. He will eventually fall asleep but it takes such a long time sometimes 2 hours and sometimes he cries b/c he wants more milk : he has a sippy cup of water and his fave stuffed animal. We've done the same bedtime routine since he was little. I just don't know what to do. I want to help him fall asleep on his own gently. Maybe it's time to transition to his own bed? Any suggestions on how to transition from nursing to sleep? Thanks.

TiffanyBerry · May 2013

I nursed DD to sleep until she stopped on her own too. We cosleep, so I would lay with her in bed until she fell asleep. At first, if she got up, I put her back down. Repeatedly. Like, when we first started with this, dozens of times in less than an hour. As she learned better, it'd be something like sliding out of bed - I'd put her back in. Once she was relatively good at that, if she got up/played/etc, I would leave for a few minutes until she was ready to be quiet and still and ready to sleep. Lights are out, and I simply won't stay if she's going to play.

If you're with him, I would simply nix any of the behaviors (just lift him back into bed every time, later you can leave, if that's effective for him, and say no to books or milk). Don't engage him. A few reminders of "it's bedtime, please lay down, be quiet and still, and try to go to sleep" then stop talking to him - move him if necessary, but don't interact.

Once they don't nurse to sleep, you cannot make them go to sleep. He might take an hour to unwind and fall asleep - some people do. You can't force that change, but you can require he stay in bed (or whatever other rule(s) you choose to set).

hollowstar · May 2013

Figuring out the perfect window to put him down is key. My son is 2.5 and if I wait too long, it can totally take 2 hours. I'm pregnant and haven't been comfortable nursing him to sleep, so same boat sounds like.

For nursing, I sing the alphabet slowly and then we're "all done". It took awhile but now he unlatches before I finish singing. You could also do counting, or another song obviously. If we nurse in the middle of the night, I'll start singing those ABC's when I want to stop, kind of like the "wrap it up" music at award shows! Again, it took AWHILE, but now it works almost always.

It is really hard to calm them down without nursing. I try to engage as little as possible - A little bit in the beginning to help him wind down - and eventually I just snuggle up and pretend to sleep myself. The only downside is that I often really do fall asleep... but when I wake up, he's asleep next to me. Now that he's used to that, sometimes I can leave the room with him still half-awake and he's OK with it, which is a big deal.

Bedtime still is the most stressful part of the day for me, but it is definitely better than it used to be.

Another tip: Before bed, I talk about the fun things we can do TOMORROW. Not sure if your guy is old enough to grasp that concept, but it really helps. Toddlers don't want to stop playing and experiencing, and giving them something to look forward to "after we sleep" can help them relax.

Also: I suspect moving him to his own bed would make things WORSE, not better.

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