- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
October 2011 Moms
ellewoodsSC
member
Fed up with mealtime antics
ellewoodsSC
member
I am looking to commiserate but any advice would be helpful as well. DD has been driving me crazy with her mealtime behavior. She is a picky eater and I typically try hard to make her food that she is more likely to eat, which often means something all together different from what DH and I are eating. She may eat well on some occasions, but most of the time she just plays around with her food, nibbles some things, dumps her drink all over everything, mashes her food, splashes around and slurps up the liquids from the tray or plate with her face. It's revolting to watch her eat and I'm just sickened over the waste of food and my efforts. It's a major mess to clean up her and the eating area several times a day and there's no way for me to salvage anything for later if she gets hungry. Maybe it's just because she's really been very mischievous lately and my pregnant azz is exhausted from keeping up with her, but my patience is getting thin. I should add that she has great dexterity, can use utensils and doesn't really do this as much when we go out, so it's not that she's incapable of eating normally.
How can I work on better table manners and discourage this type of behavior or is it unrealistic for me to expect more at this age? I've tried gritting my teeth and ignoring it and I've tried verbal reprimands, but so far nothing has discouraged it.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Fed up with mealtime antics
Ash is like this as well. I swear all she eats is plain pasta and grapes...and it drives me nuts. She has also taken to being a nut sometimes while eating. Once she starts squeezing the food or trying to dump her drink I remove her and try again later. Sometimes she will do better sometimes she won't, but I still am refusing to give her junk. It's my food or no food (I do make what she likes, but always try to give her what we are eating).
All that being said, today she ate lunch on the floor by the front door...
He is way better now! Eats like a champ and we have happy family meals, for the most part anyway. If B is teething I don't even bother trying, so that could be your problem.
My biggest piece of advice is to make sure they know their behavior isn't ok and over time they will get it!
DD is a good eater (as in not picky), unless she's sick or teething, but the antics are the same.
While she's always been a bowl-hat wearer and a food thrower, her latest foul move is pouring her drink all over her tray and splashing in it. Lately, she also freaks out when we put her in her chair and she won't start eating unless we turn our backs, like she wants to eat in privacy.
We call these things "non-negosh" (non-negotiable) and take the offending item away immediately. When she calms down/can ask for them nicely, she gets them back.
And wouldn't it be wonderful if what I just told you we do actually worked and prevented future mishaps? Unfortunately, we haven't found the miracle table manners cure at our house, either.
Burned by the Bear
I am a mean as hell Mommy so you may not want to take my advice LOL! If DS doesn't eat what he is served, which is whatever DH and I are having, then he doesn't eat. I refuse to make him anything special. The only exception is that when we have salad then he will get a fruit cup instead.
He generally eats well but we do have occasional issues. A few nights ago we had pork chops, stuffing and salad (fruit for DS). He ate his fruit and stuffing but wouldn't eat his pork (which he has liked just fine in the past). He kept asking for more stuffing and I told him he couldn't have any more until he ate his pork. He starting screaming and crying. I let him down from the table after 10 minutes and told him he had to sit in his chair until he stopped his tantrum. He sat there for another 20 minutes screaming and crying before he stopped and was allowed to get up. He didn't get anything else to eat for the rest of the evening. last night we didn't have any issues at dinner time.I told ya I was mean!
We are the same. She get what we eat. If she doesn't eat her lunch, then she doesn't get a snack between lunch and dinner. I will wait about 30min and try the lunch one more time. Sometimes she will eat it, sometimes she won't. On the plus side, she will eat a whole serving bowl of soup...she is a soup freak. So my fall back, if she has hardly eaten all day, is a soup with tons of veggies.
Some antics we put up with, and some are, as Fian says: non-negosh.
Shaking his cup of milk upside down to add milk to his food? Eh - it's your food kid.
Throwing said cup of milk? No more milk.
For me, playing with food means you're not hungry, so "all done." Toddlers don't have the same appetite as an adult, and they really don't need much food (a serving for them is not the same for us). So missing a meal? Not something I get worked up over. Maybe he'll eat better tomorrow. Or the next day.
In terms of the waste of food - is there a way to start her off with a smaller portion? A couple bites or something? As she finishes you can give more, but if she starts playing, then you're only dealing with a small waste/small amount of mess.
I'm on the easygoing end of the spectrum as far as meals and if my kids will at least try a bite of everything they can then bargain for special requests. I was a very picky eater and usually won battles if wills.
Told ya I was mean! IMO,I see the stuffing almost the same way I see candy...not much in the way of nutritional value therefore it is a bit of junk food. If he had a smaller serving I would have given him more but he had a pretty large serving, then asked for more. I told him that he could have a little more then he needed to eat his pork before he could have even more stuffing. He ate the additional stuffing, refused to eat the pork, asked for more stuffing, then threw a fit when I told him no not until he ate some pork. Since I had set the boundary I wasn't going to cave. Like I said, I am mean about eating what is served (doesn't have to clean the plate but must eat what is served) and I know this may not be how everyone chooses to handle it with their kid...that is perfectly OK.
I take an easy going approach, too. I really follow her lead. She acts up during feeding, I just remove her from the meal. She'll let me know if she's hungry. More than likely, if they are playing with their food rather than eating it, they're not hungry. I try different foods often, too but also keep some of the favorites around in case we're in fickle mode. My Greek yogurt popscicles are always a hit and are my go to food when we're in teething hell.
It is the age, it is unrealistic to expect more at this age but every kid is different. They won't eat like this forever, it isn't worth the energy to get worked up over it. Toddlers are messy and picky eaters--our pedi once told me that as long as they eat one decent meal a day they will be fine. They won't starve.
I don't use food as punishment or for good behavior. I am trying to teach them it is fuel for our bodies and we need to eat or at least try all different kinds. If they don't like something, I don't force. With dinner they eat what we eat and I will try to make sure there is at least one thing I know they like, some nights they just eat one thing but I don't care as long as they are eating.
Smit--you are beyond mean, I have a few other words I would use. And if you don't feel that the stuffing has any nutritional value than don't make it and serve it to your kid in the first place.
This is exactly how we do it too. I've found if he has too much food at first then he gets overwhelmed and tosses it. I also don't show a huge reaction if he starts acting up because then he seems to see it as a game. I just calmly ask if he's done, and if he keeps acting up I clear his tray and take him out without getting myself worked up about it. Since we've started doing this his behavior at the table is much better. Not perfect by any means, but at this age that's just not realistic.
I also tend to be somewhat relaxed at meal times. I always make one or two things I know he likes. If those are the only things he ends up eating then I don't make a big deal out of it. I certainly won't force him to eat something if he's really not liking it. That sort of thing fosters an unhealthy relationship with food. Also I would never withhold food from him if he's hungry just because he's not eating the parts of the that meal I want him to.
Oh and Smit, being "mean" to your kid isn't something you should be proud of or brag about. There are much more productive ways to communicate with your child than the "I'm the boss, my way or no way" attitude. Especially at this age. I don't think a 19 month old can quite grasp that concept so your not really teaching him anything. Your probably just making him feel bad.
I'm on the easygoing end of the spectrum also and don't push it. I do however have to say no to "yo" yogurt when it is all she wants.
I also think that she might be teething again so I'm more likely to allow different foods than what we have for our dinner.
1.) I find it ironic that some of the people who hate sanctimommies can be pretty darn sanctimonious themselves.
2.) I called myself a mean mommy in jest and obviously some people can not take a joke. I am an old fashioned mother and DH is an old fashioned father. This was the way we were raised, our parents were raised, or grandparents were raised, and how we will, at least in-part, raise our son. DH and I are on the exact same page with parenting and don't have any disagreements ever with how each of us responds to a situation. BTW I am not a single Mom so I will automatically assume you are judging DH too. That is fine.
3.) Some of you may not agree with our parenting methods and that is perfectly OK. You each have to do whatever is best for your household and child. I don't judge your parenting methods and have said that repetitively. To be honest I really don't give a fruck what you think about mine.
4.) I don't know about your 19 mo old but my 19 mo old doesn't have the life experience and knowledge to make good decisions about anything let alone what he eats. If we let him eat whatever he wanted I am sure his meals would consist of crackers, ice cream, and candy. He would also play in the street, stay outside day and night, not sit in his car seat, etc. When he is old enough to start making good decisions then we will start to give him more room to make his own decisions.
5.) I agree with JG that food is about nourishing one's body. Given that, we work very hard to make sure that DS receives adequate nutrition. If I need to cut him off from the stuffing we rarely have so be it.
6.) If DS really, really doesn't like a food that he has been served many times then we won't serve it to him again for a long time. A very good example of that is eggs. Additionally, if he is teething or sick we will make special allowances for him. Last time he was teething we let him eat nothing but applesauce for an entire day because some food was better than no food at all.
7.) DS needs to learn to eat what is served him regardless if it something he wants at the moment or not. He gets 3 squares a day and 2 snacks. He can choose to eat or not eat but he won't get another meal again until snack or meal time. This isn't just about eating but it is also about manners. Sometimes one will get food that they may not want at the moment or isn't cooked to their liking. People work hard to make food for others and he needs to learn that it is impolite to reject food that someone worked hard to make. If he does choose to reject it then he will go without until the next meal time. He loves pork and he isn't old enough to decide if it is cooked to his liking. Actually, I really don't give a rat's arse if it is cooked to his liking. He is 19 mos old and can't cook his own food so I guess he is SOL.
8.) Next week we will begin a one week stay in a hotel while we are at a conference. We will bring snacks for him but we refuse to order meal after meal at a restaurant because he doesn't like what we ordered for him. If he chooses not to eat he will be SOL until the next meal. Sorry kiddo but we are not wealthy enough to order everything on the damn menu so you can eat whatever fancies you that day.
9.) We rarely have problems with him eating and when I say rarely I mean it.
10.) My son gets a lot of love and attention despite what you think.
11.) An animal was slaughtered to provide him with meat. We don't waste meat...enough said.
12.) I am not going to tell him "after this serving you need to eat meat if you want more stuffing" then go back on it. I feel that doing so is the perfect way to ensure you have a kid that never listens to a word their parent says or obey them. I set the boundary and he broke it...end of story.
13.) We are trying to raise our son in a way that he will become a proper young man. This is the way we have chosen...end of story.
This is how I feel about it and some obviously feel differently. That is OK but I will say that it is pretty damn rude of some of you to be nasty about how we choose to raise our son. Don't get upset when others are equally rude to you about how you raise your child. Have fun with this post!
Oh sorry, my mistake. I guess the LOL in my original point wasn't descriptive enough. I will try again..."LOL, LOL, LOL, I am just kidding when I say I am the meanest mommy because I won't let my kid fill up on stuffing." Also, I am not back pedaling; my original story still stands...no more stuffing unless he ate some pork. He didn't eat any pork thus he didn't get any more stuffing or anything else for that matter.
Oh, I always finish my meat.
Smit's shiitty parenting: the unity horse of Oct. 11.
I'm the furthest thing from a sanctimommy but the things you openly share about your home life make my stomach turn. I can only imagine what you don't share.
I put food in front of my kid. If she's hungry, she eats it. If she's not, she doesn't. I don't take it personally whether she eats or not. She's clearly healthy, so who gives a fcuk.
Smit, stop giving your kid food that you don't want him to eat. That's pretty damn easy. You think you're not allowing him to develop a complex about food, but guess what? You're making too big a deal out of it. Which is how kids develop complexes about food.
This times 5 million. I'm firm on a lot of things but I do not understand why people expect toddlers to do things adults don't. I rarely eat food I don't like and when we're out to eat I don't taste things I already know I hate. Why would you think you weren't setting your kid up for a power struggle when you give them something they love before the thing they hate. Common sense would tell you try to get the kid to eat the pork THEN give them stuffing vs giving them stuffing then battling over the pork. For all the research you do perhaps you need to do some on child development. It ain't rocket science.
While on one hand I feel a lot better to see that my kid isn't the only one who has a tendency to go banana sandwich during meal times, I kind of see it as par for the course with toddler-hood. It can be extraordinarily aggravating to watch those beautiful morsels of meat go sailing through the air towards my clean work clothes, but I try not to let it stress me out. Even though DS is a great eater most of the time, we still try to approach food and mealtimes as "experimentation with food". What he loves one day he may hate the next due to changing taste buds, differences in cooking, his mood, etc etc. We don't force him to eat anything; we offer him a variety of things even when it's not exactly what DH and I are eating and when he gets out of control we take a break and try again later. I really want DS to have a healthy relationship with food and don't want to turn eating into a battle of wills. I just figure that if your kid isn't old enough to wipe their own butt, they're probably not able to fully grasp the art of table manners. It doesn't mean you can't teach them in repetitive, consistent, age-appropriate ways, but listening to your 18-month old child scream for 30 minutes because he "should" be eating his pork is way overkill.
ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!
Well actually, I did say she was a shiitty parent. I do believe that.
But I'm just one person in a sea of people making much less sweeping statements. So everything JAP says applies.
1st time around i drove myself to the breaking point w/ DS and his eating or non eating. I would cry, yell etc... Nothing worked. He's still not the best eater to this day and he'll be 6 soon.
I'm so much more laid back w/ DD. It's hard not to drive yourself insane but in time the food throwing and non eating will calm down, trust me, it will. All you can do is try to teach them good manners. If they start getting crazy w/ their meals it usually means in our house their done eating and just take it away. Or simply say we don't play w/ our food etc... I have to say DD was a much messier eater than DS and maybe that's b/c DS was such an extreme picky eater. But i found myself starting to feel anxiety over the mess again but in time it's calmed down and i have to say things are improving. I just know mealtime is going to be a mess and i have to accept it for now and continue trying to teach.
Threadkilla! Better you than me. Threadkilla!
Smit, quit baiting your kid and then punishing him when he takes it. That's effed up.
I'm sorry, Sookie. Hugs to you and not cool, Sookie's mom, not cool.
How much did you have to shame him first?