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Attachment Parenting
High needs toddler
Any moms whose first child was/is high needs and when did it get easier. Also did you/ are you planning to have anymore kids. What do you think a good age gap is. My first is 14 months and totally hn. Won't accept care from anyone but me and still nurses all night and doesn't really eat much solids. He has some texture issues and 4 teeth but doesn't like food besides puffs and puree pouches and blueberries minus the skin that he spits out. I want another child but don't know how I'd do it. I barely get sleep as it is but am getting older so don't want to wait too long if I have another.
ALso I don't want to rush my hn baby to wean in case I lose my supply. Plus with him not sleeping don't know how I'd function plus the possibility of morning sickness again.
What did you all do or planning?
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Re: High needs toddler
DD seemed to fit the bill for high-needs when she was an infant. She has come out of it some, but we've also adapted our expectations to her to a certain degree, so I can't give an objective evaluation of whether or not she'd be still considered "high-needs" by anyone. She *definitely* was for at least a year, though.
That said, at 3yrs old, she still doesn't sleep through the night. On a good night, she lets me get a 4.5hr stretch of sleep. She's also EXTREMELY particular about who, besides me, can watch her. It took nearly the entire school year for me to be able to drop her off for her two hour preschool without getting extremely upset. (Remember, she is now 3 years old!) It took nearly a year of her being with the same babysitter (for an hour at a time) before I could leave without her being very upset. She is ok with daddy or grandma, but still usually asks for me to stay. Anyone/anywhere else and there is still much crying and clinging. And yes, she still nurses, but we just cut out the final night nursing two weeks ago.
Suffice it to say, if we have two kids, they'll be at least four years apart. Our joke was always to wait to have another until she slept through the night. Well... she still doesn't... so... My husband, mostly because of how high needs she was as an infant (reflux, colicky, has ALWAYS hated sleep, sensory sensitivity to some degree), really doesn't want another kid at all. I'm on the fence, but we may be OAD because of her needs. And that's ok.
I just want to let you know that at 14 months, my son was about the same as what you are describing. He is now almost 19 months and while still nursing on demand, he is much more independent in other ways. We have been trying for number 2 for 8 months, despite me feeling overwhelmed and unsure, for some of the reasons you mentioned.
I am just now to the point where I think I will be okay being pregnant while managing our toddler and I'm actually thankful that we haven't been successful quite yet, because I feel much more relaxed and confident about it now. I realized that DS will still be a great brother, even if there is a larger gap than I wanted.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that If you are still just having that hesitancy and concern despite wanting another baby, I'd wait a few months and reasses. Your son will probably be very different mid- late- summer and maybe you'll feel more confident about your ability to handle pregnancy then.
Honestly, we didnt do anything different. We still cosleep. He is not in daycare or preschool. Just one day he ate a ton like he was having a growth spurt, but instead he had a mental developmental spurt. Kids develop on their own schedule. Hang in there. It may seen strange but some days i miss it when he needed me so much.
The nights may be long, but the years are short... Sigh.