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Visitation cancelled

PhantomgirlPhantomgirl member
in Blended Families
Yup!

DH and I have kinda been on each others last nerve the past week or two.

So Friday I told him I needed a break and was not around.

His plans for the weekend were Friday night training, Sat work, which is optional, Sunday morning triathlon. He also needed to pick up a new bike on Sat. O and of course visitation!

Well since I was not going to help him out he cancelled visitation.

I asked today what his plan was for next weekend since he has plans Sat and Sun. He said he might ask one if his sisters to take SS!!

Priorities any one???

I'm sure by Friday the guilt will eat me enough that ill collect SS. I bet DH knows that to!!
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Re: Visitation cancelled

  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member

    I get where you are going with stepping back from the situation, I think you are right to do so.  You shouldn't feel guilty that HE doesn't want to see HIS son. 

    I know you are working with a counselor to sort through your feelings on the situation, and making great progress IIRC, but have you voiced these things with DH? Would it be possible to have him join you at one of these sessions?

                           
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  • twister22twister22 member
    Ugh. Why do YH and BD choose to work over seeing their sons? Priorities. Can you either not pick SS up or pick him up and go somewhere really awesome all weekend where DH won't be so he can't 'have his cake & eat it too?'
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  • WahooWahoo member

    So of all of the things he could cancel, he chose.....visitation. 

    I know how much you love SS.  I know this might be harder on you than it is on anyone! 

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • Mysterious_wifeMysterious_wife member
    In the most no snark way possible, I have a serious question.

    Why are you still with this man? Anyone who puts their child last, does not seem like husband material to me. Does he spend time with you?
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    imageMysterious_wife:
    In the most no snark way possible, I have a serious question.

    Why are you still with this man? Anyone who puts their child last, does not seem like husband material to me. Does he spend time with you?

    Phantom, I have a lot of respect for you and think you are pretty amazing but I do have to ask what your end goal is. Are you ok with this situation continuing forever and if not what are you going to do about it because so far it seems your DH has no plans to man up. And what about your plans to TTC? Are those on hold indefinitely and are you ok with that?
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • IlumineIlumine member

    imageLittlejen22:
    imageMysterious_wife:
    In the most no snark way possible, I have a serious question. Why are you still with this man? Anyone who puts their child last, does not seem like husband material to me. Does he spend time with you?
    Phantom, I have a lot of respect for you and think you are pretty amazing but I do have to ask what your end goal is. Are you ok with this situation continuing forever and if not what are you going to do about it because so far it seems your DH has no plans to man up. And what about your plans to TTC? Are those on hold indefinitely and are you ok with that?

    I LOVE YOU.  I know how wonderful you with children first hand.  I also know how much you love your SS.  I want you to be able to have your own child with a man who partners with you.

    You deserve that.   

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  • +just+j++just+j+ member
    Don't you dare back down!  You need to think of it this way. You need to think of the long term.  By refusing to step up and parent for DH now, he will learn that he needs to step up and be a dad -  you will be doing him and his son a huge favor.
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • hindsight's_a_biotchhindsight's_a_biotch member
    I'm really sad to see that after all this time, nothing has changed. You have far too much heart for this. I mean . . . I just . . . you know!


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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Everyone else has already said it for me. I don't know how you handle it. It would eat me alive until I had no more left, and I don't know of I could handle it as long as you have.
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  • karatechrissykaratechrissy member

    As I was reading your post, I was thinking all the things everyone else has posted. I'm not saying 'leave hisasss!', but I am genuinely curious what the long term plan here is? YOU can't parent for him forever. SS probably already see's this. He's not dumb. I really think you need to address this with your H. Does he even recognize this as a problem? Is he just sitting here like 'oh yea nice day today. Going to go about my business... I'll see SS when I can'. 

    My heart and my brain hurt for you right now. I'm sorry, and I hope you guys can figure it out soon. 

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