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funeral talk tommorow ......

ctilley7911ctilley7911
in Late Term and Child Loss
Its killing me to go to our sons funeral talk tomorrow. I know he is gone and he is cremated. I know this yet at same time the funeral talk is so final so official that he is gone and this aint a nightmare that i will wake from. That its a final goodbye that i dont want to do. I cant wait just to get it over with tomorrow. I still catch my self holding my stomach and then sadly removing them i just feel so empty. I have all this love stored up in a special compartment to give to my son and it feels like its busting apart bc i cant pour it out to him. The pain is so great and knowing i have hurt my husband kills me. He never wanted a kid bc of the money part of it and towards the middle of the pregnancy i could tell he was slowly liking the idea of being a daddy that it was growing on him with each kick he felt.  Then my body loses him and now what he didnt want once he now wishes he had and dosent its the worst feeling to lose a child and watch my hubby be in pain but not let himself truly grieve bc he feels he needs to be strong for me. 
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Re: funeral talk tommorow ......

  • tammy7173tammy7173
    I remember with my daughter I just wanted to get the funeral over. I only wanted my husband and kids there. All the family did come but I just didn't want them there. I couldn't cry anymore My eyes were swollen from three days of crying. I also would feal like a thump or twitch in my stomach and put my hand there. Then would quickly take it away. I was use to feeling her move. Please don't blame your self. I went through all that too. It has been eight years and I still think of her daily and wish she was with me. I am here for you if you need to talk. I'm so sorry for you and your husband.
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  • tuscanbride2007tuscanbride2007 member

    (((HUGE HUGS)))

    My daughter's funeral was emotionally exhausting but was glad we were able to say our proper goodbyes to her. Thoughts and prayers to you. 

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  • OSUWifey09OSUWifey09 member
    My son's memorial was so hard - I honestly don't remember anything but crying. But I'm also glad we had that venue to say our good-byes and to have the support of friends and family [a LOT of people came to his memorial, which was surprising and comforting]. Lots of hugs and thoughts today.
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