Toddlers: 24 Months+

If this was your MIL (potty training)

 DH's step-mom has been making comments about potty training every time we've seen or talked with her since DS turned 2. They live 3 hours away and are busy, so we don't see them too much.

 But, at Christmas she told me how her son was potty trained at age 2.

 Then, they stopped by a couple months later with additional company (her sister and sister-in-law). And while in the room with DS she abruptly asked me, "When is DS going to potty train?" I was shocked and I'm sure my facial expression matched my feeling. I composed myself and said simply, "When he is ready."

 We called to announce that we're expecting. We had her on speaker phone since DS told her that'd he'd be a big brother. We were on the phone for less than 10 minutes, and she had to comment that it was great because then DS could potty train this summer.

 They came into town the other week, and she proceeded to tell me a story about sister-in-laws nephew who is a few months older than DS. She said they were starting "nakey time weekend" and wanted to know if I had heard of that. I said that yes, I had heard of the 3 day method.

 I don't know if she's this way with me because of her relationship with DH. I can't wait to see if she's this obnoxious with DH's little sister if she has kids.
 In the meantime, I've about had it. I don't want to visit with them because it just sours the visit. I was thinking about scanning some of the pages from my potty training books (about how 20-ish % of kids are trained at 2.5, 66% by 3, etc.) and sending it to her as some "up-to-date information that I've come across.

 So, what would you do? How do your mothers and mother-in-laws compare in their pushiness?

 I've done some pre-potty experiences with DS. Before he was even walking I remember reading about the 3 day method and thinking, "Sign me up for that!" But, as I see his personality I'm not sure that's the method I'd use. He has sat on the potty and peed some. I may have messed up by having wrapped prizes early on, because eventually he'd just sit on the potty and say "Go, gone! You (meaning he) want a prize!!" And, he'd tense up and then wouldn't pee. So, I've backed away for awhile. One time after a nap he even told me he had to go, and he pooped! But, he hasn't done that since. He just turned 2.5. He has good verbal skills, but doesn't show much interest himself. He still hides to poop, and doesn't tell me that he's pooped. I'd much rather wait a little bit more, and hopefully have him show more interest.
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Re: If this was your MIL (potty training)

  • My pediatrician and daycare provider both told me its normal for boys to start training around 3. You are right to wait until he is showing signs of being ready. I'd have DH tell MIL, if you are not comfortable, that DS is on track, and the fact he's already tried is great. She needs to get a life if she's that obsessed with your sons bathroom training. GL
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  • I think mother in laws are meant to be annoying!  I really wouldn't worry about her comments much at all.  I would reply politely (as you have been doing) and then not even give it a second thought.  I wouldn't waste the time to find research and copy the material for her.  It probably wouldn't change her mind :)  Just agree to disagree!
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  • Your MIL might just be trying to help, but she's annoying anyway.  My MIL suggests ridiculous stupid things all the time.  I just tell her, oh yeah I don't want to do that, or thanks I'll look into it and I freaking ignore her.  She's wrong about pretty much 100% of everything in her life. 

    She's flaky and an airhead.  She means well but her suggestions are usually REALLY bad.  Like for example, she teaches K at a REALLY bad inner city public school in Chicago.  She's probably a perfectly fine teacher but she complains her kids can't even flip the pages of a book because they're not read to at home.  Also half of her students don't speak English and they don't have a good bilingual program so they learn nothing.

    So, now to my point, she constantly tells me I should put our 2 yr old in a daycare program at her school because she'll learn a lot if she socializes with other kids.  I know she means well but I would rather shoot myself in the foot than send my toddler to her school.  Also it's far away and in a HORRIBLE neighborhood with shootings all around the school.  Anyway I just tell her that it's too far and thanks!

     

  • My DS is about the same age as yours and my MIL has given DS a character book (usually Elmo) about using the potty the last 4 times she's seen him.  It's almost the same thing, but in a passive-agressive way and I let it get to me WAY more than I should with every new book we receive.
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  • I think this is the norm for older generations it was normal to train early. I would just take it with a grain of salt. My grandmother asks all the time (defintely judgement in her tone) because in her day they trained kids early.
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  • That is annoying.  We went through something similar with my MIL, although it was with swaddling.  We swaddled DD until she was 6 months and it drove my MIL mad!  Seriously she was always talking about how we had to stop eventually, blah, blah, blah.  Just keep saying what you're saying, "When he's ready" and don't give it a second thought, easier said than done I know, but honestly what business is it of hers?!
  • If it's not this, it will be something else... When are you going to potty-train?  When are you going to wean from bfing?  When are you going to make him sleep in his own room?  When are you going to turn around the carseat? When are you going to let them walk to school alone? When are you going to let them eat whatever they want at gma's house? Etc...  I wouldn't pick this battle too much. Next time she says something, just say you aren't going to train him at all ever.  You thought it would be fun to change diapers until he's 18 and goes to college. Wink  Seriously, if it bugs you that much, I'd say something though.  "I feel like you are attacking our parenting choices. My pediatrician agrees with us that he isn't ready.  If you can't quit commenting, we'll have to stop visiting. We will eventually train him, but it's our choice when and how to begin that process." 

     

     

     

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  • You can send her the info but that is the passive aggressive way of handling her.  How about start by having a conversation about how her constant comments make you feel and what you would rather she do.  Be adult and upfront or there will just be another topic once this one passes.  The relationship requires you to participate not just 'feel' things and internalize them.
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  • imageshaw:
    I think mother in laws are meant to be annoying!  I really wouldn't worry about her comments much at all.  I would reply politely (as you have been doing) and then not even give it a second thought.  I wouldn't waste the time to find research and copy the material for her.  It probably wouldn't change her mind :)  Just agree to disagree!

    LoL, it's true but remember, you too will be a MIL if you are lucky ;-)

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  • my MIL is the same way, except she used to tell me how all her kids were potty trained by the time they were 18 months.  finally one day, i snapped and said "no, YOU were potty trained when they were 18 months. taking a baby to the potty every two hours is not the same as a child controlling his or her own bladder/bowels!"  she has never mentioned it again.
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