In-home daycare and maternity leave

btsrc5 · May 2013

<In-home daycare and maternity leave>

I currently have DD in an in-home daycare 3 days a week. We pay per day. Per our contract, we must give 2 weeks notice to terminate, and we have to pay whether DD is there or not for our three days.

I will be taking 8 weeks off when I have DD2. As much as I would love to just keep DD1 home with me, I fear that it will be even harder on her when I do have to go back to work. Therefore, i am considering sending DD1 to daycare for at least a few hours, one day a week.

After my maternity leave, I will be going back part time at least until the end of the year, during which time i will need care for DD1 and DD2 two days a week.

What should I request/expect as far as paying for DD1 while I am on maternity leave?

- three days a week, because that is what DD is going now

- two days a week, because that is what I will need after maternity leave is over

- one day a week, because that is the most I will be using

I have not spoken with DCP about my maternity leave yet because I wanted to find out what is reasonable first. I know that she relies on our pay as part of her income so I am kind of struggling with this... but I also know that things will be very tight for us financially since I will be taking so much unpaid time. I want to be fair and reasonable, but I don't want to pay more than I need to.

Thanks for your help!

rockychryslerb2010 · May 2013

I would send her 3 days a week. It keeps her schedule consistent, still gives her two days to bond with the new sibling, and lets you focus on new baby only on three days. I only have E right now, but we're planning to keep on our nanny on full time and send E to a preschool program when I'm on leave for #2.

ETA: my leave is paid, so I don't need to worry about paying for our nanny. If leave is not paid, I would consider keeping DD home. It would depend on how likely I would be to get my spot at daycare back, as well as how much it saves.

EastCoastBride · May 2013

rockychryslerb2010:
I would send her 3 days a week. It keeps her schedule consistent, still gives her two days to bond with the new sibling, and lets you focus on new baby only on three days.

This. Unless $$ is a HUGE issue, I truly don't understand why you'd stop sending DD to daycare. It's been 4 years, but I can still vividly remember how fricking exhausted I was w/ DS. If I had another child, I'd absolutely want time for just the two of us so that when the kid naps, I can actually possibly get in a little rest myself!

Having a new baby in the house is going to be a huge adjustment. I think keeping her schedule consistent is really important.

btsrc5 · May 2013

I am not a working mom by choice. I would much prefer to be a SAHM. (I know most people on this board are not in my same situation, which I completely respect and understand... I just thought this information may shed a little more light on my situation) Therefore, I would like to keep DD1 with me as much as possible. I cannot see myself sending her to daycare 3 days a week when I am off of work. I never send her unless I absolutely have to.

mrsnala · May 2013

Personally, I would drop her down to the 2 days, since that is what you need/what she will be going to once you are back at work. That still gives you time with your new LO and will keep DD schedule somewhat normal. Plus, since you know you will be going down to 2 days a week when you return to work in 8 weeks, this can give your DCP time to possibly fill the spot for the other 3 days a week if she needs the income.

whynotwhynot · May 2013

I would expect to pay for the number of days that my slot was being held for regardless if they were used or not. You could mention a willingness to forego care during your leave and maybe your provider will have someone in mind who could fill your slot temporarily, but I would think the likelihood of this would be low.

Iblamethebeer · May 2013

mrsnala:
Personally, I would drop her down to the 2 days, since that is what you need/what she will be going to once you are back at work. That still gives you time with your new LO and will keep DD schedule somewhat normal. Plus, since you know you will be going down to 2 days a week when you return to work in 8 weeks, this can give your DCP time to possibly fill the spot for the other 3 days a week if she needs the income.

This is my vote -- you need to pay for the spot you want held. I would tell DCP as soon as possible that you plan to drop to 2 days, so she has time to find a replacement for the one day you are dropping.

Are you sure she will be able to accommodate an infant 2 days per week?

btsrc5 · May 2013

Iblamethebeer:

mrsnala:
Personally, I would drop her down to the 2 days, since that is what you need/what she will be going to once you are back at work. That still gives you time with your new LO and will keep DD schedule somewhat normal. Plus, since you know you will be going down to 2 days a week when you return to work in 8 weeks, this can give your DCP time to possibly fill the spot for the other 3 days a week if she needs the income.

This is my vote -- you need to pay for the spot you want held. I would tell DCP as soon as possible that you plan to drop to 2 days, so she has time to find a replacement for the one day you are dropping.

Are you sure she will be able to accommodate an infant 2 days per week?

Thank you

yes, we have discussed her keeping DD2, just not the details yet. I want to discuss this with her as soon as possible. I just got approval from work to work the part time schedule through the end of the year, which is what I was waiting on to make a final decision on what our plan would be.

jf198400 · May 2013

If I was in your situation, I would confirm with DCP the days that you will need coverage when you return to work, make sure she is onboard with taking both kids only 2 days a week. Then I would continue to pay for and use those 2days a week for DD1. You could always make them shorter days if you want to spend more time with DD1. My kids are 18months apart and I kept DD1 home with me FT while I was on ML. I was able to do this because we were switching childcare arrangements after ML and were not holding a DC spot. I did not find it overwhelming at all. (I also would love to be a SAHM like you.) I thoroughly enjoyed being home with both kids and found it pretty easy to take both kids to activities, playgrounds, etc. Since you will have DD at DC 1-2days/ week I highly recommend you do your grocery shopping on that day. That was the only thing I found pretty tough to do with 2 kids. You also may want to consider getting a babysitter for the new LO a few times so you can do whatever errands or projects you need to get done, like buying new work clothes, get a hair cut, etc. It's near impossible to get any time to yourself when you return to work.

Good Luck!

CADE387 · May 2013

btsrc5:
I am not a working mom by choice. I would much prefer to be a SAHM. (I know most people on this board are not in my same situation, which I completely respect and understand... I just thought this information may shed a little more light on my situation) Therefore, I would like to keep DD1 with me as much as possible. I cannot see myself sending her to daycare 3 days a week when I am off of work. I never send her unless I absolutely have to.

Even if you want to be a SAHM I would still send her to DC. You will want to bond with the new baaby. The new baby will require a lot of attention. Most of my SAHM friends wished they could have sent their older child(ren) to DC for a little while during the week when they had their 2nd or 3rd. They really wanted to be able to have the same bonding experience with each child. Your kids will be yours forever and they will be together forever. This is a special time that you can have with the 2nd kid. A lot of younger sibilings feel like they don't get the alone time like the oldest did. I would try to have a balance between the two.

My leave is unpaid and we are still sending my son full time ot his day care. We are in the same boat of having to pay regardless so why not keep his routine the same? I won't be able to be outside and keeping him active with crafts and music and other activities while dealing with a newborn. I really think it is the best for him independent of what I would want.

EastCoastBride · May 2013

Even w/ your update, it still doesn't change my view. CADE stated it a bit better than I did! I think having one on one time is important - you only get this newborn stage once! AND I think giving yourself the "downtime" of only having to take care of one child a few times a week is good too.

jf198400 · May 2013

CADE387:
btsrc5:
I am not a working mom by choice. I would much prefer to be a SAHM. (I know most people on this board are not in my same situation, which I completely respect and understand... I just thought this information may shed a little more light on my situation) Therefore, I would like to keep DD1 with me as much as possible. I cannot see myself sending her to daycare 3 days a week when I am off of work. I never send her unless I absolutely have to.

Even if you want to be a SAHM I would still send her to DC. You will want to bond with the new baaby. The new baby will require a lot of attention. Most of my SAHM friends wished they could have sent their older child(ren) to DC for a little while during the week when they had their 2nd or 3rd. They really wanted to be able to have the same bonding experience with each child. Your kids will be yours forever and they will be together forever. This is a special time that you can have with the 2nd kid. A lot of younger sibilings feel like they don't get the alone time like the oldest did. I would try to have a balance between the two.

My leave is unpaid and we are still sending my son full time ot his day care. We are in the same boat of having to pay regardless so why not keep his routine the same? I won't be able to be outside and keeping him active with crafts and music and other activities while dealing with a newborn. I really think it is the best for him independent of what I would want.

Have to respectfully disagree with you. I had both kids home and all of us were quite happy with the arrangement. Will admit it would have been nice to have 1 day/ week to do errands, but I can't imagine what I would have done with myself if DD1 was at DC 5days/week. My first ML was nice and relaxing, but honestly it was Boring. 2nd ML was much more fun. DD1 took a music class 1day/week, we went to playgrounds, library storytime, playgroups, etc. DS would come along and either sleep in the stroller, or just sit and watch the big kids. It was honestly the happiest time of my life. Also I can't imagine how 2nd child would know the difference, especially since they will have no memory of their infant first few months. I can see that if your 1st child is a bit older (2.5-3+) they may be happier at school with their friends. But OP's child is under 2, about the same age that my DD was.

btsrc5 · May 2013

Thanks for all the input. I really appreciate it

CADE387 · May 2013

with my DS I left the house twice in the entire first month I was off on ML. The third time I left the house the house was my 6wk PP apt. I think my 2.5 (at the time #2 will be born) would go absolutely nutso if he didn't leave the house for almost 6 weeks straight on a regular basis during the week.

I guess if you have a great recovery it isn't a big deal, but some people don't bounce back like you.

tweety1290 · May 2013

I agree with CADE. I had an (unexpected) c-section for my 2nd and was really unable to do/play much with my DD during the first few weeks. Recovery was much different for me for my 2nd than it was for my 1st. I was happy to send DD to daycare since I knew she would be active and continue her routine. She was 16 months old at the time. And since I knew I'd be returning to work, we would have had to pay for her spot anyways.

I also agree that you should talk to your DC provider as I know part-time spots are harder to find in my area. Your plans may change based on what they say.

Mjmksb04 · May 2013

btsrc5:
I am not a working mom by choice. I would much prefer to be a SAHM. (I know most people on this board are not in my same situation, which I completely respect and understand... I just thought this information may shed a little more light on my situation) Therefore, I would like to keep DD1 with me as much as possible. I cannot see myself sending her to daycare 3 days a week when I am off of work. I never send her unless I absolutely have to.

Whether or not you want to SAH has nothing to do with the answers you are getting. What everyone is saying is that it will be in your DD1's best interests to keep her in daycare with a steady routine while you are on maternity leave. Remember, its not just about you, its going to be a HUGE life changer for DD1 to gain a sibling and it will rock her world. From going to being in daycare 3 days a week, to being home with mom and a new baby is going to definitely disrupt her routine.

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