Does she cry too much?

starshineamator · May 2013

So my baby was born 10 days ago (haven't updated my ticker yet, this is the first time I've been on!) and I'm still adjusting to being a new mom. I'm concerned constantly that I'm doing it wrong and that I'm not very good at this. One thing that I'm really struggling with is her crying. I don't want her to cry, and I try to respond to her needs immediately, but it can be really difficult. For instance, she'll start crying to be fed while I'm in the bathroom, or in the middle of changing her diaper. And since we've been struggling with breastfeeding, I have to unlatch her to try again pretty frequently, and she gets impatient and frustrated very easily and will cry while she's right there and I'm trying to feed her. Or when I have to interrupt her eating to burp her. I feel like she cries too often and she isn't learning to trust, and I'm terrified that she is feeling like nobody is coming or nobody cares.

I also don't feel like she's particularly cuddly. Maybe I'm just doing it wrong, but she seems pretty satisfied on her tummy or propped up in the breastfeeding pillow. She also loves car rides, and will stay in the car seat forever, perfectly happy, if we leave her in there. My mom (who is here helping us out) keeps saying that she wants to eat all the time to be soothed/cuddled, but if that were the case, wouldn't me (or someone) just holding her be enough? I have a Baby K'tan wrap but I haven't really had the time to figure out how it works and use it to wear her yet, and my mom has put this crazy fear in me that the baby will be too cold and get sick if she isn't bundled up in clothes and blankets at all times, so I haven't really been doing skin-to-skin with her as much as I'd like.

Spouse keeps telling me that its ok and babies just cry to communicate, but i know crying is a late sign of hunger so i really feel like i'm doing it wrong. Sometimes she makes what i think are hunger signals but it ends up being something else (like she needs to burp or poop). maybe i'm just being silly but this is all really important to me and i could use some encouragement and support/advice.

sorry for the bad grammar/spelling- typing with one hand!

Emerald27 · May 2013

I second the skin to skin rec! When DS was fussy, I stripped him to a diaper, took off my shirt, and snuggled/rocked/nursed/walked around with him. If you two are chilly, put a light blanket over both of you.

I wanted to comment on the burping thing. I was told that burping is really only necessary for bottle fed babies and babies with very poor latch who suck in some air. If she latches well, the seal her lips and tongue make should keep out most of the air, and you shouldn't really need to "burp" her. Rubbing her back and keeping her upright for a few minutes after a feeding or between breasts is supposed to be sufficient. Burping became common practice when formula feeding was the norm, because bottle fed babies take in so much air.

I recommend that you contact your local LLL group. They can help you become confident in your instincts and reassure you that everything is going well. A leader can meet with you or just talk on the phone, and group meetings are a great place to have questions answered and to surround yourself with a support network.

Best of luck! Sounds like you're a really great mom!

MagickalNarwhal · May 2013

Totally normal! Will type more later but you sound like a great mom who is still figuring it all out, just like you should!

Mommytini · May 2013

My baby is almost 3 weeks and I'm just now able to decipher her cries. Hunger was the easy one! You just have to go down the list: is your baby hungry? Need a diaper change? Can they hear or smell you from where you are? I'd you're too far away, your baby will start to feel anxious. Newborns do not have object permanence.

Also, it is okay to tell your mom that you can handle it. Parenting was different for other generations. As far as keeping your baby warm, yes, babies like to be warm, but not too warm. Experts say that babies should be dressed in one more layer than ourselves. If you're wearing shorts and a shirt, baby may be more comfortable in pants and a onesie.

As far as latching while breast feeding, my baby and I were getting frustrated because when she would latch it hurt, and I did bleed. The lactation specialist gave me a nipple shield. It resembles a bottle nipple, but suction cups over yours, making it easier to feed. I believe Medela makes them!!

Remember, you are both new to this. If your frustrated, that means your heart rate and breathing are askew. Your baby senses this. Also, it is okay for baby to cry for a couple mins while you finish up in the bathroom. Crying is also good for their lungs! Take care of yourself, things will get better!

boogerbearoriginal · May 2013

Sounds like you've got a normal baby/mommy trying to figure out things. Your H is right, babies do cry. It's normal and expected, don't beat yourself up about it. Sounds like you are responding to LO and that's all you need to do. There were definitely times early on that I felt like I didn't know wtf was going on. Ok, most of the time I felt that way lol.

You'll get the hang of it, LO will get into a routine and it will be ok!

Regarding the bundled up thing, I swear it's a grandma thing. My MIL was obsessed with putting heavy blankets/etc on LO. One time she put it around his head, not face, because "his ear felt cold". Nevermind that it was August and 90 degrees. SMH. Babies are fine to be dressed like you, and you can do skin-to-skin and put a blanket over top both of you if you're worried about the temp. But when LO is skin to skin, your body temp will help baby regulate so she won't get cold as easily. Also newborns have poor circulation so their hands/feet will feel cold even if they are warm. It's best to check the back of their neck to gauge temperature. And you CAN overheat a baby too.

Newborns need four basic things, food, dry diaper, comfort and sleep. Run down the list and you'll get what they need sooner or later lol. Good luck - you're doing great!

ETA - ditto PPs about burping. I rarely burped my LO, there is no air in the breast so BF babies do not need to be burped a ton like FF. And I would caution you against using a nipple shield, those can interfere with baby's latch/ability to transfer milk effectively. I think PPs suggestion of going ot a local LLL meeting is great.

starshineamator · May 2013

Thank you everyone. That makes me feel a lot better. I know that me getting frustrated doesn't help so I need to relax, it can just be difficult when it isn't working. Unfortunately, she does need to be burped, as she's really gassy, and will spit up if we don't burp her. She hasn't gotten the latching thing down yet so maybe that's why. We did go see two LCs because I was having such a hard time feeding her. She isn't that coordinated yet and pushes the nipple to the top of her mouth (I think that's what she said, I can't remember exactly) and she said it might just take time for her to figure it out. So I'm trying to balance her frustration level with being continually unlatched and just letting her eat with a less-than-perfect latch. It has been an adjustment.

Thanks for the skin-to-skin recommendations. Question. When placing her on your chest, should you be propped up, like sitting up or just slightly reclining, or do you just lie flat? Whenever I have her on my chest lying flat I feel like her head is at a strange angle and I can't imagine that that is comfortable for her.

Runaway22 · May 2013

theresat858:
For skin to skin, just hold her however feel comfortable/natural to you both. There is no right or wrong way to do it. :-)
I think the best piece of parenting advice is to listen to your instincts.
My instincts told me not to put my newborn down, even though she didn't care much about being held.
There is no such thing as a newborn crying too much as long as the newborn is crying with someone *trying* to figure out/meet her needs, which you are doing. As long as you or your husband or your mom is trying to help her, even if it's taking time to figure out what is wrong and 'fix' it, you are meeting her needs and doing a great job.

You sound like a very caring, nurturing mama, and I'm sure you're doing great. It's ok for a baby to fuss for a minute or two while you use the bathroom. Also, it won't be long before you begin to recognize the differences between fusses and cries, at which point you'll be able to relax a lot more

NerdyMama2 · May 2013

Ditto skin to skin!

Pablo123 · May 2013

We felt this exact same way! I thought if you fed on demand, breastfed etc. that the baby should be happy and content 100 of the time. The reality is that life outside the womb sucks!! Having loving parents helps but a newborn is going to cry as she gets adjusted to the world. We diagnosed our LO with everything from reflux to tongue tie, and often the reality was we were just learning her cues and she was learning to communicate better. Other moms may give advice but sometimes they don't remember how sketchy the first few weeks are all bets are off as you guys get to know each other. Everything seems like the end of the world but so fast you will get to know your baby and things will start making more sense. We just kept trying different things and watching results. The first few weeks are really really tough but it seriously gets better so fast. Hold on; you can do this!

ThatWasAHoot · May 2013

Listen, even though we are women and are born with instincts, it takes time to get to know your baby! You are doing the best that you can and that is all you can do. Once you two have things figured out, it will get easier. She will pass the fussy phase and things will be on their way to happy baby and mommy. Try swaddling her if she is fussy and you don't think she wants to be held.
My kids never wanted to be held when they were tired. Some babies just don't like it. No one believed me, either. If either of my children were/are tired, they do not want to be rocked to sleep. Just follow what you're doing and you will get to know your baby!
Have faith in yourself and give yourself some credit. You love and care about your baby, and that is obvious. You are tending to her every need and doing things as quickly as possible. This is still an adjustment period, too. So don't stress yourself out! :]

Also, from a STM...babies cry. And they live ;]

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