Moms of 2+ the uncomfortable new norm...

ka2shaz · May 2013

Every day I struggle with a range of emotions I have not learned to deal with yet. I feel like my 3 year old is keeping me from bonding further with the baby. And because the baby needs so much time, I feel like I am loosing out on my relationship with my 3 year old. Argh! I obviously love them both more than anything, but how do I learn to balance the time? Suggestions?

doremi29 · May 2013

DS goes to his sitter's 3 days a week while I'm home with the baby. At first I felt a little guilty about doing that but I am SO glad I decided to keep him there. He gets to get rid of some of his crazy energy and I get some quiet time to bond with the baby. When I pick him up on those days, we're all excited to be together instead of being tired and frustrated. Then on the days of the week that he doesn't go, we usually do something fun (today we went to a farm that had baby animals to play with). This summer, in anticipation of going back to work, I will send DS 1 or 2 days a week and send DD a different day. That way I'll have 1 day a week with just DS and DD can get to know the sitter a little.

GL- it's definitely a balancing act no matter how you do things!

Gris0630 · May 2013

I'm having a hard time too. My 5 yo goes to pre-K each day for a few hours which is helpful. I do feel like I'm missing out on her though because I'm so dang tired. I find I tune her out sometimesor I feel like I'm constantly telling her to be quiet to not wake the baby and then the mommy guilt starts. I have been trying to be the one to do her bedtime routine more often and read bedtime stories, or do other special things for her. I've made time to do special things like painting her nails, make her special breakfasts. I'm eager to see what other mommas recommend.

rjeller32 · May 2013

Give it time. It's hard to learn how to manage two, but it quickly becomes second nature. Especially when the wee one gets more active, you can involve both in similar activities. This might help you, ease your mind knowing that you aren't the only one with these struggles.

I have gotten really good at tea parties, cleaning, and playing pat-a-cake while breastfeeding haha.

MelTwe · May 2013

While I savior the days that they both nap at the same time, I take advantage of the days that their naps are staggered to spend some one on one time with each of them. Housework can wait.

lkm2006 · May 2013

MelTwe:
While I savior the days that they both nap at the same time, I take advantage of the days that their naps are staggered to spend some one on one time with each of them. nbsp;Housework can wait.

This. I stay at home so it's te 3 of us all day long so we are finding out what works best. DS2 isn't the best napper right now so I take advantage of the random 15 minutes I can get and play with DS1. Also, I sit I the floor a whole lot. I might be holding of feeding a baby but when I'm near DS1, he doesn't mind because he's still able to get to be and us play together.

Kari Merks · May 2013

We learned the hard way after we had #2 that it was better to send our oldest to daycare while I was on maternity leave so I could focus on the baby and have bonding time without having #1 competing for my attention. This time we did the same thing and have both girls in daycare during the day while I'm home with #3.

We do try to do one-on-one stuff with each of them and that seems to help. Once I get in to a good routine I'm going to try keeping each of them home with me once in a while to have special days with me and #3.

Like PP said, give it time. It's trial and error figuring out the right balance.

kreeper611 · May 2013

We are only a few weeks in, but i send DS to daycare. He can run out energy and play with friends while i bond with the baby. When i pick him up, i have tried to have something fun for us to do. We either watch a show together while i nurse, color, bake cookies, etc.

Use the weekend to have DH take the baby while you do something with the older child. Or pick one evening a week for mommy and me time while H does baby duty.

jgoetz1 · May 2013

I felt like you in the beginning too. It was so hard for the first 6 weeks. I also have my toddler go to daycare 2 days a week and love the quiet time with my newborn. I feel like when I have both kids I give a lot more attention to my toddler because she is more demanding and my baby is more patient. It will get a lot better soon. It's still tiring now at 10 weeks pp, but it becomes your new normal.

stahlop · May 2013

Yep, DS is at the sitter twice a week and it just makes life so much easier. I too wish he'd take more of an interest in his sister. I've tried to get him to hold her and he acts like I handed him a grenade. At least he'll give her kisses now.

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