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March 2013 Moms
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Frustrated

kksmitha21kksmitha21
in March 2013 Moms

My husband is an only child so when my MIL found out that we were expecting she offered to watch LO on Friday's her day off. I was so excited and thought it would be great bonding time for her. Well I only agreed if she quit smoking. 

I know its a personal choice to smoke but she smokes 2-3 packs a day and always smells of smoke. She agreed she would quit smoking. Well fast forward to about 3 weeks ago and still smoking. She came over to see him and held him for about 10 mins. and he smelled like smoke so bad I had to give him a bath and change his clothes.  My husband told her if you don't quit smoking you can't watch him she said fine just put him in daycare!!! UGH it hurt mine and DH's feelings that she does not care enough about  LO to atleast TRY!!! So now here we are paying an extra $40 a week for daycare because she can't keep her promise. AND she has not been back to see him since then. She said she would like to quit but it's too hard. Plus we just found out she has high blood pressure and heart problems. So she should quit for her own health. I don't mind him being at daycare because my sister works there. It's just he is loosing out on a grandma and its costing us more money!!! It's just a lose lose situation. Ok vent over.

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Re: Frustrated

  • lifewritelifewrite member
    My mother is a smoker. It caused a big blow up when DD was born. She lives 6 hours away and when she and the rest of my family came up to see DD I told them all they had to was their hands before holding the baby. My mom was happy to do so. Then she went outside to smoke. I told her when she came back in to wash her hands again. She did, held the baby then went to smoke again. She did this two more times and when I asked her the final time if she had washed her hands she blew up. Long story short she felt like I was judging her for being a smoker. She said she thinks that my DH and I think she's a horrible person because she smokes. I assured her that was not the case I was just looking out for the LO. I apologized for making her feel that way though. Maybe your MIL is feeling the same way? I think most smokers feel guilty because they know how bad it is for them to smoke but it IS hard to quit. Tell your MIL you understand that and will be there to support her if she does decide to quit.
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  • kksmitha21kksmitha21

    imagelifewrite:
    My mother is a smoker. It caused a big blow up when DD was born. She lives 6 hours away and when she and the rest of my family came up to see DD I told them all they had to was their hands before holding the baby. My mom was happy to do so. Then she went outside to smoke. I told her when she came back in to wash her hands again. She did, held the baby then went to smoke again. She did this two more times and when I asked her the final time if she had washed her hands she blew up. Long story short she felt like I was judging her for being a smoker. She said she thinks that my DH and I think she's a horrible person because she smokes. I assured her that was not the case I was just looking out for the LO. I apologized for making her feel that way though. Maybe your MIL is feeling the same way? I think most smokers feel guilty because they know how bad it is for them to smoke but it IS hard to quit. Tell your MIL you understand that and will be there to support her if she does decide to quit.

     

    The thing is I have supported her. She wanted an e-cig I took her to the store to buy it! She wanted to try the patch and gum I bought her both and they all sit on her kitchen counter untouched. Maybe thats also part of my frustration. I just know I have to put my LO first and she is the one making the choice not to be involved at all anymore.

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  • KMac570KMac570 member
    You cannot force an addict to quit before they are ready.  I'm sure your MIL wishes she could have quit for your LO, and is probably upset with herself and frustrated with the situation too.  It sucks that you will have to use daycare for now.  Hopefully she will quit soon!  Seriously though just because she hasn't quit yet, it does not mean she doesn't want to, or that she doesn't feel bad about not having done so.  It is SO hard to do.  Especially for someone who smokes as much as you say she does.
    Miscarriage in January 2012 at 8 weeks
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    Lost Baby A prior to 7 weeks; large SCH; Baby B (Bug) was born in March 2013
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  • MrsG071809MrsG071809 member
    imageKMac570:
    You cannot force an addict to quit before they are ready. nbsp;I'm sure your MIL wishes she could have quit for your LO, and is probably upset with herself and frustrated with the situation too. nbsp;It sucks that you will have to use daycare for now. nbsp;Hopefully she will quit soon! nbsp;Seriously though just because she hasn't quit yet, it does not mean she doesn't want to, or that she doesn't feel bad about not having done so. nbsp;It is SO hard to do. nbsp;Especially for someone who smokes as much as you say she does.


    Agreed. When we started ttc DH promised to quit as soon as I got pregnant. He ended up quitting finally 2weeks before she was born. I was starting to think he would never quit, but he just had to do it in his own time. He ended up using chantix and it worked great.

    Now mil has said she is going to quit, but I don't expect it to happen right away. Like pp said it's not necessarily that she doesn't want to, it's just a very hard thing to do. I think it's good you are sticking to your guns though, maybe she'll realize what she's missing out on and get motivated.
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  • kksmitha21kksmitha21

    imageMrsG071809:
    imageKMac570:
    You cannot force an addict to quit before they are ready. nbsp;I'm sure your MIL wishes she could have quit for your LO, and is probably upset with herself and frustrated with the situation too. nbsp;It sucks that you will have to use daycare for now. nbsp;Hopefully she will quit soon! nbsp;Seriously though just because she hasn't quit yet, it does not mean she doesn't want to, or that she doesn't feel bad about not having done so. nbsp;It is SO hard to do. nbsp;Especially for someone who smokes as much as you say she does.
    Agreed. When we started ttc DH promised to quit as soon as I got pregnant. He ended up quitting finally 2weeks before she was born. I was starting to think he would never quit, but he just had to do it in his own time. He ended up using chantix and it worked great. Now mil has said she is going to quit, but I don't expect it to happen right away. Like pp said it's not necessarily that she doesn't want to, it's just a very hard thing to do. I think it's good you are sticking to your guns though, maybe she'll realize what she's missing out on and get motivated.

     

    That's my hope!!!!

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