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One & Done: Only child
Stowne101
member
Having a hard time being one and done
Stowne101
member
Our son is 3. Before we got married we always said we wanted 2 kids. Even when my son was a baby my husband wanted another child. When I was finally ready after DS was 2 my husband decided to change his mind. We have numerous conversations about it, but he feels like with money and our age 38 that we shouldn't. I have tried to come to terms with it, but my heart just hurts thinking about it. I love my DS and never pictured just having one. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Having a hard time being one and done
I'm so sorry that you have having a hard time with this decision, but hopefully this board can give you some support. We are a mix of OAD by choice and by circumstance. I am going to copy and paste from my "sticky post" below about some compiled thoughts on being one and done from posters on this board. Hopefully it can shed some light on the positives:
Positives of Being OAD
-The general ease of life.
-Not having to allocate resources (money, time, patience, love, etc.) between siblings.
-Bedtime is easier.
-Eating out is a quieter and easier affair.
-Vacations are possible and cheaper and less stressful.
-It?s easy to find a sitter most of the time.
-The cost of education.
-Only having to do the diaper and potty training cycle once.
-Able to afford and attend all events.
-Never being outnumbered, even when one spouse/partner is away.
-No sibling fight refereeing.
-Reclaiming your body more easily and sooner (if ever!).
-Less cleaning.
-Only need one car seat.
-Space?you only need one bedroom and everything that goes into it.
-Space?you can sell/pass on all the baby gear right away.
Great Articles
https://www.nytimes.com/books/first/m/mckibben-one.html First chapter from a research-heavy book.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/wendy-widom/only-child_b_1834695.html Somewhat snarky article from one mom on how to respond to those who tell you to have another.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/kayley-kravitz/only-child_b_2482243.html Article written by an only on the benefits she experienced.
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/the-stir/8-things-never-to-say-to-_b_2768143.html Funny article called, ?Eight Things Never to Say to a Mom of an Only Child?
https://m.guardiannews.com/lifeandstyle/2011/dec/03/emma-kennedy-only-children-siblings Well-written article from an only child who talks about her benefits and touches a bit on the research.
My DH would have another if I wanted. His reasoning is that since I SAH and am the main caretaker that I get the final word. I'd go absolutely insane if I had another child to tend. But that's me...
That is a tough situation. It's important that you're comfortable with the decision for your own reasons. The fact that other people are happy to be OAD really doesn't end up helping.
It's very hard to make decisions as a team when there is no tie-breaker. Having a neutral third party like a counselor to help you both talk through it may be useful.