Childcare/returning to work

orangegoggles · May 2013

Before I had kids I always assumed i would take the full two years off that my district allows. We can afford for me to stay home pay check wise but I carry our insurance for only 200 a month...can't beat it. My H has had to pay for insurance out of his business spending about 1400 monthly. My h makes good money and we have enough left over to put into savings, retirement, vacations, etc.

He is not on board with me staying home another year mostly because of the insurance payments. Plus his mom is retired and is happily willing to babysit DS. My H was babysat by his grandma so he considers it NBD.

I guess I'm having a hard time with going back...sadness that my days with DS will be so different...Some resentment that DH isn't more open to me staying home for another year...Some jealousy that my MIL will get to spend 40 plus hours a week with DS...Some fear that she will not do things the way I prefer.

I realize I'm being a brat about some things but it's just how I feel...anyone go through these emotions?

Shaungela · May 2013

My parents watch her, and i feel that way sometimes too... Shes 3 mos tomorrow and Ive been back at work since she was 5w and i still feel this way. Its also my justification for cosleeping part of the night... because i dont get to spend that much time with her!

s0ulchicken · May 2013

That is really rough. My MIL runs an in home daycare, and expected to watch the girls when I returned to work. DH expected that I would be "okay" with this. Due to the nature of my relationship with her, and the type of care she provides, I was beyond unwilling to commit to this. Before I quit my job and took a contract that let me stay at home and work, I made other arrangements for carespecifically with my very favorite cousin who I trust implicitly. Even if I didn't wish my MIL would get the clap, Iam not sure I could have left the girls with her FT. I can understand your resentment. I am so sorry that your DH doesn't seem to be onboard. Do you have to make a decision right away? ::hugs:: and here's to hoping you can sway him and spend more time with your adorable lo!

jobiann · May 2013

I have no issues with my mother or my MIL so I would be excited if one of them wanted to watch DS full time. However, my Mom (who is retired) only watches him two half days each week and when we need someone to cover our daycare and my MIL still works full-time.

If you aren't comfortable with it that is a conversation you need to have with your H. Going back to work is very difficult. As each day passes it gets easier...but then again, I've never wanted to be a SAHM either...so it might be easy for me to say that.

orangegoggles · May 2013

s0ulchicken:
That is really rough. My MIL runs an in home daycare, and expected to watch the girls when I returned to work. DH expected that I would be "okay" with this. Due to the nature of my relationship with her, and the type of care she provides, I was beyond unwilling to commit to this. Before I quit my job and took a contract that let me stay at home and work, I made other arrangements for carespecifically with my very favorite cousin who I trust implicitly. Even if I didn't wish my MIL would get the clap, Iam not sure I could have left the girls with her FT. I can understand your resentment. I am so sorry that your DH doesn't seem to be onboard. Do you have to make a decision right away? ::hugs:: and here's to hoping you can sway him and spend more time with your adorable lo!

Thanks for sharing your experience. I was technically supposed to make a decision in April but its not really a huge deal at my district, as long as I let them know with a couple of months advance. There are so many teachers being laid off that I know it would be nbd and make someone very happy lol.

My H said he would be more comfortable if I worked partime (.6 so I could get the insurance) but as a teacher its hard to come by for obvious reasons. I am also a literacy specialist so I let me principal know I'd love to take anything part time he has.

DH has a stressful and demanding job for sure. He often says that he likes the stability and safety net of my job. However, we have a huge safety net saved (not bragging here but just explaining my frustration). I would like to honor his feelings but I think he's seriously not understanding how much more stress he will have. Right now I do almost all the house cleaning, taking care of DS, making dinner, grocery shopping, etc. Once I go back to work that will all change for sure!

My relationship with my MIL is a good one for now. I do worry that will change though. I feel like it were my mom, I wouldn't care as much. Flameful-probably, but its true. My mom has the experience and parents more like me. I guess I am afraid of giving up the control for such a long part of the day. I am considering finding a part time daycare but they are hard to come by because most places are full time. She also seems to think she can handle him daily but I'm not so sure. She's lived her life how she wants for a long time now, its going to be hard to adjust to a baby's schedule I'm sure.

orangegoggles · May 2013

jobiann:
I have no issues with my mother or my MIL so I would be excited if one of them wanted to watch DS full time. However, my Mom (who is retired) only watches him two half days each week and when we need someone to cover our daycare and my MIL still works full-time.
If you aren't comfortable with it that is a conversation you need to have with your H. Going back to work is very difficult. As each day passes it gets easier...but then again, I've never wanted to be a SAHM either...so it might be easy for me to say that.

We've been talking about it a lot but we seem to keep coming back to the same issues. I have a feeling you will be right about it getting easier over time.

s0ulchicken · May 2013

pangnl79:
s0ulchicken:
That is really rough. My MIL runs an in home daycare, and expected to watch the girls when I returned to work. DH expected that I would be "okay" with this. Due to the nature of my relationship with her, and the type of care she provides, I was beyond unwilling to commit to this. Before I quit my job and took a contract that let me stay at home and work, I made other arrangements for carespecifically with my very favorite cousin who I trust implicitly. Even if I didn't wish my MIL would get the clap, Iam not sure I could have left the girls with her FT. I can understand your resentment. I am so sorry that your DH doesn't seem to be onboard. Do you have to make a decision right away? ::hugs:: and here's to hoping you can sway him and spend more time with your adorable lo!
Thanks for sharing your experience. I was technically supposed to make a decision in April but its not really a huge deal at my district, as long as I let them know with a couple of months advance. There are so many teachers being laid off that I know it would be nbd and make someone very happy lol.
My H said he would be more comfortable if I worked partime (.6 so I could get the insurance) but as a teacher its hard to come by for obvious reasons. I am also a literacy specialist so I let me principal know I'd love to take anything part time he has.
DH has a stressful and demanding job for sure.  He often says that he likes the stability and safety net of my job. However, we have a huge safety net saved (not bragging here but just explaining my frustration). I would like to honor his feelings but I think he's seriously not understanding how much more stress he will have. Right now I do  almost all the house cleaning, taking care of DS, making dinner, grocery shopping, etc. Once I go back to work that will all change for sure! 
My relationship with my MIL is a good one for now. I do worry that will change though. I feel like it were my mom, I wouldn't care as much. Flameful-probably, but its true. My mom has the experience and parents more like me. I guess I am afraid of giving up the control for such a long part of the day.  I am considering finding a part time daycare but they are hard to come by because most places are full time. She also seems to think she can handle him daily but I'm not so sure. She's lived her life how she wants for a long time now, its going to be hard to adjust to a baby's schedule I'm sure. 

I just want to say I love that you are literacy specialist. My DS has an OHI IEP, and as part of it, he meets with a Title 1 specialist, and I ADORE her! We went from barely passing reading and language arts to having a 98 percent. She has worked so hard with him, and really empowered him, in a way that I was unable to. As far as I am concerned, that woman walks on water! Literacy Specialists just don't get enough credit for all of the good they do in my book. Yay you!!!

And seriously, I hope that you and DH can come to an agreement that works well for you both. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you both.

orangegoggles · May 2013

s0ulchicken:
pangnl79:
s0ulchicken:
That is really rough. My MIL runs an in home daycare, and expected to watch the girls when I returned to work. DH expected that I would be "okay" with this. Due to the nature of my relationship with her, and the type of care she provides, I was beyond unwilling to commit to this. Before I quit my job and took a contract that let me stay at home and work, I made other arrangements for carespecifically with my very favorite cousin who I trust implicitly. Even if I didn't wish my MIL would get the clap, Iam not sure I could have left the girls with her FT. I can understand your resentment. I am so sorry that your DH doesn't seem to be onboard. Do you have to make a decision right away? ::hugs:: and here's to hoping you can sway him and spend more time with your adorable lo!
Thanks for sharing your experience. I was technically supposed to make a decision in April but its not really a huge deal at my district, as long as I let them know with a couple of months advance. There are so many teachers being laid off that I know it would be nbd and make someone very happy lol.
My H said he would be more comfortable if I worked partime (.6 so I could get the insurance) but as a teacher its hard to come by for obvious reasons. I am also a literacy specialist so I let me principal know I'd love to take anything part time he has.
DH has a stressful and demanding job for sure.  He often says that he likes the stability and safety net of my job. However, we have a huge safety net saved (not bragging here but just explaining my frustration). I would like to honor his feelings but I think he's seriously not understanding how much more stress he will have. Right now I do  almost all the house cleaning, taking care of DS, making dinner, grocery shopping, etc. Once I go back to work that will all change for sure! 
My relationship with my MIL is a good one for now. I do worry that will change though. I feel like it were my mom, I wouldn't care as much. Flameful-probably, but its true. My mom has the experience and parents more like me. I guess I am afraid of giving up the control for such a long part of the day.  I am considering finding a part time daycare but they are hard to come by because most places are full time. She also seems to think she can handle him daily but I'm not so sure. She's lived her life how she wants for a long time now, its going to be hard to adjust to a baby's schedule I'm sure. 

I just want to say I love that you are literacy specialist. My DS has an OHI IEP, and as part of it, he meets with a Title 1 specialist, and I ADORE her! We went from barely passing reading and language arts to having a 98 percent. She has worked so hard with him, and really empowered him, in a way that I was unable to. As far as I am concerned, that woman walks on water! Literacy Specialists just don't get enough credit for all of the good they do in my book. Yay you!!!

And seriously, I hope that you and DH can come to an agreement that works well for you both. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you both.

That is great about your son! So happy you love the literacy specialist! Right now I am a classroom teacher but received my masters to be a literacy specialist as it helps me in the classroom ten fold! Once the literacy specialist retires, I'll apply for that position.

Teresa1896 · May 2013

I'm going to be honest.... Going back to work was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and if there were any way to delay it or avoid it altogether, I would've done it. I've made my peace with it now, and I'm glad that DD has the interactions with other kids at daycare, but I would've loved to stay with her until she was a year, at least. Breast feeding would've been SO much easier, and I would have been so much less stressed by pumping at work, if I had stayed home.

that said, you have to do what works for your family. If it works out for you to work pt to get your health insurance, that sounds ideal. If not, maybe you can compromise with your DH....like, you stay home until LO is a year, and then re-evaluate.

ETA: I love my ILs, but having DD with them during the days is stressful. Sometimes MIL gets jealous, I've noticed them occasionally referring to themselves as "mommy" and "daddy," etc. little things that annoy me more now. They also are prone to spoiling her more, giving her cookies and cakes at least once a day. I've really had to choose my battles about routines and food, since we have different viewpoints entirely.

orangegoggles · May 2013

Teresa1896:
I'm going to be honest.... Going back to work was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and if there were any way to delay it or avoid it altogether, I would've done it. I've made my peace with it now, and I'm glad that DD has the interactions with other kids at daycare, but I would've loved to stay with her until she was a year, at least. Breast feeding would've been SO much easier, and I would have been so much less stressed by pumping at work, if I had stayed home.that said, you have to do what works for your family. If it works out for you to work pt to get your health insurance, that sounds ideal. If not, maybe you can compromise with your DH....like, you stay home until LO is a year, and then reevaluate.ETA: I love my ILs, but having DD with them during the days is stressful. Sometimes MIL gets jealous, I've noticed them occasionally referring to themselves as "mommy" and "daddy," etc. little things that annoy me more now. They also are prone to spoiling her more, giving her cookies and cakes at least once a day. I've really had to choose my battles about routines and food, since we have different viewpoints entirely.

Your ETA is a little bit of what I'm worried about. She tends to go crazy overboard spoiling with toys and clothes. Plus she's a huge sweets person so I can see her doing the same once he starts eating.

D&D4Ever7 · May 2013

It is normal to have all those feelings as a working mom. I worried about this a lot in the beginning. I was worried that DS would love his teachers more than me, but it is not the case. You child will always know that you are their mom. I had difficulty finding a balance in the beginning, but things are much better now. I love being a working mom. I get the break that I need and really enjoy the time that I get at home with my son.

Want a personalized experience?

Childcare/returning to work

Re: Childcare/returning to work

Choose Another Board

Search Boards