Creepster at the Park - A Novel

Fianschneid · May 2013

Anytime the weather is nice, DD and I go to the park about a block from our place after work/daycare. The neighborhood is kind of block to block and the park is in the part that I would consider in transition. There are a lot of families there, a lot of teenagers playing basketball and, now and then, a shady element. Everyone kind of lives and lets live there, though.

DD is fascinated by the water fountain by the basketball courts. Last night, after playing on the playground for a bit, she wanted to go over for a drink. A lot of basketball players were in line first, which is fine. DD likes to watch them and a lot of times, they'll talk to her and be very sweet.

So we're waiting and one guy comes up to us, starts asking how old DD is, what her name is, tells a story his mom told him about when he was that age, pretty standard stuff. The he tried to get a high five/hold her hand. Okay, not a big deal. Then he started rubbing her belly. Okay, maybe this guy just doesn't spend time around a lot of kids and doesn't know that weird. Or maybe he does spend a lot of time around kids and thinks that's pretty normal.

Then, he asked, "How old is she again". I told him and he started almost holding her around the middle. Like, his hand was big enough to go around her ribs and back on one said and he said, "They're so delicate at this age."

Aaaaaaaaaaand then I was officially creeped out. I picked up DD and said, "It looks like it's your turn to get a drink" (it wasn't, I totally butted, too bad). I didn't let her get a drink the rest of the time we were there and when we walked away, I told DD if anyone is touching her and she doesn't want them to, she can say "no" and she repeated "NO!"

DH always meets us at the park and walks home with us. So I wasn't worried this guy was going to follow us home or anything but I've had this on my mind all day. I'm so disturbed by it.

Why did I let it go so far when I was starting to get uncomfortable? I don't want to pick up my kid and teach her to be afraid of everyone at the first sign of contact but this crossed a line. Where was that line? Am I the type of mom who lets her kid get molested because she's too polite?

Now I'm wondering if we should stay away from that park for a few days. I don't want that guy to see my kid again. But why should I punish DD and make her stay inside? She's not the problem.

Sorry for rambling. If you have any insight or if you made it this far, you deserve slutty brownies.

rubysue267 · May 2013

Yeah, that was weird. Super weird. I think most people understand that you do not touch other people's kids, even if you were just casually introduced at the park. The whole arm around her waist coupled with the "they're so delicate" comment has my stranger danger alarm going crazy. Nope. No no no. Don't embrace my child and say a creepy-ism.

Regardless of his actions, I'd rather be overprotective than under-protective.If your gut is telling you something is wrong, that's all the evidence you need IMO. Like you said, being polite is all well and good, but I'm not going to put etiquette and manners over my instinct that something's wrong.

I'm not suggesting that you avoid the park, but it might be good to switch up the venue for a couple of days if only to give yourself a change of scenery so you're not totally freaked when you go back the next time.

ETA: Re-reading my response I just want to clarify that I think you handled the situation appropriately and that by "I think most people understand that you do not touch other people's kids..." I meant that HE should have known better, not as in, "well duh, don't you know it's not okay to let strangers touch your kid?" I'm not sure if that was clear in the original post so I didn't want to seem like I was up in arms about how you handled it. I think you did the right thing and that your instincts to feel uncomfortable were dead-on.

rubysue267 · May 2013

And omg those brownies...want, please.

DoctorWorm222 · May 2013

I'm not keen on any stranger touching my kid. Honestly, though, I probably would have reacted the same way. I don't want to assume that every "friendly" person is a pedo. But I do.

I think you should just take this as a good reminder that we all need to keep a close eye on our kiddos and never leave them alone. I also think its important to reiterate that its ok to say "no" when someone is making you uncomfortable (as you did).

mamaZbo · May 2013

That is really weird and creepy. I think you handled it fine, I probably would have done the same. I would let DD give a high five, but she is usually hiding behind my leg with a vice grip around my thigh when we encounter anyone she doesn't know. Although this morning she did shout "hi" to several random people we passed on the way to daycare. I prefer people don't touch her anywhere else, but they usually want to rub her hair.

amyc216 · May 2013

Oh my.... Yeah, that guy was creepy. There is a great book all women should read called "The Gift of Fear" which teaches you to trust your instincts. I think it says something about how humans are the only animals that ignore their instincts in dangerous situations b/c we don't want to come across as rude, paranoid, impolite, etc.... However, I probably would have done the same thing you did- just kind of move it along and get away from him. I probably wouldn't avoid the park, but definitely keep a look out for that guy again and don't be alone anywhere. I'm glad YH is able to come meet y'all there!

kagl08 · May 2013

I'm in the "trust your gut" camp also. I have a pedophile in my family (my uncle, although he's never been convicted because his victims never came forward, although we all know it happened), so I'm on high-alert as it is. I always trust my gut, especially since I knew something was off about my uncle before I knew what he actually did. It's never ok to touch a child, the belly, the ribs, and then to say something like that?? Um.. no! You did the right thing, and honestly I wouldn't go back to that park for at least a few days. Yeah, it sucks for your DD, but it's safer for her too.

I don't even like when people give my kids high fives. I just don't like it. Don't touch my kid. I trust my kids' actions. If they refuse to give a high five, then that's because they don't trust that person and now I don't either. We don't ever go to the park because of creeps. We have a backyard filled with every toy imaginable just so we don't have to go to the park. I'm overprotective... but would rather be safe than sorry.

RichardSlap · May 2013

kagl08:
I'm in the "trust your gut" camp also. I have a pedophile in my family (my uncle, although he's never been convicted because his victims never came forward, although we all know it happened), so I'm on high-alert as it is. I always trust my gut, especially since I knew something was off about my uncle before I knew what he actually did. It's never ok to touch a child, the belly, the ribs, and then to say something like that?? Um.. no! You did the right thing, and honestly I wouldn't go back to that park for at least a few days. Yeah, it sucks for your DD, but it's safer for her too.
I don't even like when people give my kids high fives. I just don't like it. Don't touch my kid. I trust my kids' actions. If they refuse to give a high five, then that's because they don't trust that person and now I don't either. We don't ever go to the park because of creeps. We have a backyard filled with every toy imaginable just so we don't have to go to the park. I'm overprotective... but would rather be safe than sorry.

This is a little worrisome to me. It's okay to go to the park. Do you not go to the grocery store either? Creeps are everywhere and you can't let it get to you. Just like in your family situation Kagl, the likelier harmful person will be someone you know.

Fian, I wouldn't avoid the park at all. I think you did the absolute right thing by using the opportunity to communicate with DD and make it a teaching moment. So that one day when someone crosses the line and she isn't with you, she is confident enough to handle herself appropriately.

cantalopes24 · May 2013

Richard Slap:
kagl08:
I'm in the "trust your gut" camp also. I have a pedophile in my family (my uncle, although he's never been convicted because his victims never came forward, although we all know it happened), so I'm on high-alert as it is. I always trust my gut, especially since I knew something was off about my uncle before I knew what he actually did. It's never ok to touch a child, the belly, the ribs, and then to say something like that?? Um.. no! You did the right thing, and honestly I wouldn't go back to that park for at least a few days. Yeah, it sucks for your DD, but it's safer for her too. 
I don't even like when people give my kids high fives. I just don't like it. Don't touch my kid. I trust my kids' actions. If they refuse to give a high five, then that's because they don't trust that person and now I don't either. We don't ever go to the park because of creeps. We have a backyard filled with every toy imaginable just so we don't have to go to the park. I'm overprotective... but would rather be safe than sorry.  
This is a little worrisome to me. It's okay to go to the park. Do you not go to the grocery store either? Creeps are everywhere and you can't let it get to you. Just like in your family situation Kagl, the likelier harmful person will be someone you know. 
Fian, I wouldn't avoid the park at all. I think you did the absolute right thing by using the opportunity to communicate with DD and make it a teaching moment. So that one day when someone crosses the line and she isn't with you, she is confident enough to handle herself appropriately. 

This. Your child needs to know how to navigate social interactions and the only way to do that is to be around people. There are also other explanations besides someone being a pedo that would make someone not understand why what happened wasn't appropriate.

Scramblersmom · May 2013

That is super creepy and it would freak me out. I am almost wondering if you should report it to the police just as an FYI so maybe they can keep watch on the park a bit more just in case. He may have been perfectly harmless and socially inept but I would rather be safe than sorry. I agree that maybe there is a different park you can take her to for awhile.

Fianschneid · May 2013

Thanks, everyone. I had been feeling insane guilt all day for putting DD in that situation. You're making me feel much calmer about the whole thing.

Many afternoons, there is a park district employee (usually the same man) in the field house near the basketball courts. If I see the weirdo again, I'll let the employee know to keep his eye out.

missyishere · May 2013

Fianschneid:
Thanks, everyone. I had been feeling insane guilt all day for putting DD in that situation. You're making me feel much calmer about the whole thing.
Many afternoons, there is a park district employee (usually the same man) in the field house near the basketball courts. If I see the weirdo again, I'll let the employee know to keep his eye out.

That's really good to have, and I would definitely alert him if it occurs again or even if you see the man in the park again.

LatteLady5 · May 2013

Oh my goodness! That is ridiculously creepy. I don't think think you responded inappropriately and I'm glad you removed her from the situation when you did. It's hard to anticipate how to respond in a situation like that. I would definitely avoid the park for a few days and keep a close eye out for this creeptastic guy. If he approaches you again I'd report it.

kagl08 · May 2013

cantalopes24:
Richard Slap:
kagl08:
I'm in the "trust your gut" camp also. I have a pedophile in my family (my uncle, although he's never been convicted because his victims never came forward, although we all know it happened), so I'm on high-alert as it is. I always trust my gut, especially since I knew something was off about my uncle before I knew what he actually did. It's never ok to touch a child, the belly, the ribs, and then to say something like that?? Um.. no! You did the right thing, and honestly I wouldn't go back to that park for at least a few days. Yeah, it sucks for your DD, but it's safer for her too.
I don't even like when people give my kids high fives. I just don't like it. Don't touch my kid. I trust my kids' actions. If they refuse to give a high five, then that's because they don't trust that person and now I don't either. We don't ever go to the park because of creeps. We have a backyard filled with every toy imaginable just so we don't have to go to the park. I'm overprotective... but would rather be safe than sorry.
This is a little worrisome to me. It's okay to go to the park. Do you not go to the grocery store either? Creeps are everywhere and you can't let it get to you. Just like in your family situation Kagl, the likelier harmful person will be someone you know.
Fian, I wouldn't avoid the park at all. I think you did the absolute right thing by using the opportunity to communicate with DD and make it a teaching moment. So that one day when someone crosses the line and she isn't with you, she is confident enough to handle herself appropriately.
This. Your child needs to know how to navigate social interactions and the only way to do that is to be around people. There are also other explanations besides someone being a pedo that would make someone not understand why what happened wasn't appropriate.

My children know how to socialize, we go to storytime, have playdates. We go grocery shopping and take them to the mall. We take them to zoos and we don't not go anywhere JUST to avoid creepers. We do not go to the park often though. #1 is the bratty kids with their even brattier parents who I just can't stand to deal with. I make our backyard fun so we don't have to go to the park so we don't have to deal with other kids and the added bonus is no creepers. In this case though, I wouldn't go back for a while. *If* he was a creeper, he may just be waiting to see if he will see her again. After a few days I'm sure he'd give up.

We don't hold our children back from doing stuff just because of creepers. I understand they are everywhere. I am always on "high alert" though. I just hate parks in general (although we do still go occasionally) for the lack of parenting that goes with parks.

Fianschneid · May 2013

Oh, and we're totally going to a different park tonight. It is a little bit out of the way, but closer to DH's train station and we'll just drive instead of taking our usual walk.

Better safe than sorry. If this guy really does pose a problem, I don't want him to know our routine.

Chunstad · May 2013

Oh man, Fian, I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I'm glad that you shared this creepy story, though, it serves as something for all of us to talk and/or think about. I agree with Smit, I would contact the local authorities and just run this story by them. Then they could just have it on file.

That's cool that you talked to your DD about her body. Also, I think that you handled the situation fine. I mean, how does anyone think they'd handle that situation unless you've been presented with it?

LatteLady5 · May 2013

Chunstad:
Oh man, Fian, I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I'm glad that you shared this creepy story, though, it serves as something for all of us to talk and/or think about. I agree with Smit, I would contact the local authorities and just run this story by them. Then they could just have it on file.
That's cool that you talked to your DD about her body. Also, I think that you handled the situation fine. I mean, how does anyone think they'd handle that situation unless you've been presented with it?

I know I already commented but I wanted to Yes this. I'm impressed with how you talked to your DD afterwards and this has definitely made me think about how I would handle a situation like that.

Want a personalized experience?

Creepster at the Park - A Novel

Re: Creepster at the Park - A Novel

Choose Another Board

Search Boards