Help for friend - Loss mentioned

SunshineShades · May 2013

I am hoping you all can give me some advice.
My friend just delivered her full term baby boy this morning. He was stillborn.
I am at a loss as to what to do or say for her. I realize there is likely little I can do or say. But if you could give me some advice for when I talk to her later this week it would be appreciated.
Right now she texted me to tell me and to say she does not want to talk right now and would call me later in the week.
TIA

carrotsoup70 · May 2013

esd:
Understand that it is going to be very difficult for her to be around your LO. Do not talk it personally. Give her plenty of space but once she's ready to talk check in often. I'd take food to her and her DH to make sure they eat. Mark this day on your calendar so that next year you can acknowledge the day with her. It's heartbreaking to be the only one to remember your LO as the years go by.
When you talk later, just listen. Tell her you are sorry for the loss of her son. Many T&P to your friend.

100% all of this.

orangegoggles · May 2013

esd:
Mark this day on your calendar so that next year you can acknowledge the day with her. It's heartbreaking to be the only one to remember your LO as the years go by.

This for sure. Make sure to send a card next year to let her know you are thinking of her and the baby. Many will forget the date sadly, so she will appreciate it.

I also agree about bringing food. I would probably just leave it on the porch and text them to let them know its there. I can't imagine she will want to visit for a while. I know after my losses I pushed people away because I didn't want to talk but some are the opposite so go with her lead. Call and text to let her know your thinking of her and she can decide if she wants to interact.

T&P's for her and her family.

SunshineShades · May 2013

Thank you for all your advice.
Sadly she is 1000s of miles away so I won't be able to drop food off for her. I know she has a huge support system there though so hopefully everyone will take care of her and her husband.

H&HMy2TrueLoves · May 2013

I don't have anything to add other than what PP's have already said, but I wanted to say that your friend and her family and their precious little one will be in my thoughts and prayers today.

Petunia844 · May 2013

Everyone has given great advice. Also- we said the same thing when our son passed, I sent an email to everyone and said we needed our space and please not to call, that we would reach out when we were ready. I know she said later in the week, but don't be surprised if it takes longer. I'm so sorry for your friend. You could also let her know about the "loss" board on here, there are lots of amazing women who can relate to her.

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