Hello

H&HMy2TrueLoves · May 2013

Hi. I've been debating whether or not I should intro here for a while, because I only posted for a while over on PgAL and then took a bump break. But now that DD is on a not wanting to sleep at night kick, I've been lurking a lot and thought it might be nice to intro.

I'm a single FTM starting college in the fall with the goal of becoming a social worker but I'm also an aspiring author. I have two furbabies, a Chihuahua named Chalupa, and a kitty named Luna. Since becoming single, I live at home with my Mom, who is ill, and my many MANY younger siblings.

My first pregnancy began and ended in the summer of 2011. I was going on vacation with my then boyfriend so I got the Depo with the intention of using it once and then getting an IUD. I had an allergic reaction to the Depo which I didn't realize rendered it ineffective. I got pregnant and the day after my BFP, I had horrible cramping and heavy bleeding and miscarried alone in my boyfriend's bathtub. Never told him what happened, never told him about the pregnancy at all. I pretended it never happened, even convinced myself that it hadn't for a while. I did end up getting the IUD but I had complications and had to have it removed. I then went on the pill and got my BFP with my rainbow 4 months later.

When my ex found out he first told me I was having an abortion as though it was his choice, then tried to bribe me to get one when I refused, then told me I was giving the baby up for adoption, again like it was his choice to make, then when I refused, he grew violent and on multiple occasions tried to force me to miscarry. His @$$ was kicked to the curb and he hasn't been seen since.

During the first tri with my princess, I had a bleeding scare. I rushed myself to the hospital where they performed only blood work and 1 ultrasound but somehow took more than 8 hours to get me the results- baby was fine, I was fine, and I had an SCH causing the bleed. I was put on temporary bedrest until the bleeding stopped but I was otherwise just fine.

Even though everything worked out in the end, when I got home I could no longer pretend that I hadn't miscarried before. The emotions I'd experienced while in the hospital wouldn't let me forget. It was only then that I accepted it had happened and decided to try to heal. Part of that healing process was accepting my emotions from when I got my BFP. Back then I'd pictured a boy in my head so I began to think of my angel baby as a boy. I decided to honor him by picking out a name for him - Aaron.

I thank God for the uncomplicated pregnancy I had with my princess every day. Although I didn't get the natural birth I wanted (Hadn't expected to be GBS + with ruptured membranes 2 weeks early, and hadn't expected to be allergic to 3 of the 4 antibiotics they could give me during labor) it was easy and wonderful and again I thank God for that. My rainbow arrived on April 6th at just over 7 pounds. Although we've had a lot of issues with BFing (see siggy) and I've recently been diagnosed with Postpartum Depression, she's healthy as a horse and growing quickly and I'm completely in love with her.

Sorry for the rather long intro and thank you for reading Hopefully you'll be seeing A LOT more of me starting now.

Edit: Missing details

KJsbabe · May 2013

Welcome. I'm sorry for your loss and all the emotions you're going through right now. I hope the BFing gets better for you. Congrats on your little girl!