Intro

kaitylin · May 2013

I just discovered this board and have been catching up reading all the posts!

We aren't 100 sure yet if we are one and done but its leaning that way. I always pictured myself as one and done and DH wanted 23 kids but was ok with just 1 if that's all I wanted. Well, I had a fairly good pregnancy other than High BP at the end and I loved feeling DD move more than anything. It was such an amazing experience and I miss it terribly. I also loved having a newborn. I wanted to cry every day she got older because I felt it was going too fast. However, as much as I loved having a newborn I had extreme PPA with severe panic attacks daily. I also was sick for a year straight after giving birth constant sinus infections and strange symptoms like my whole body would shake uncontrolably like I was having a seizure as I was trying to fall asleep at night but I was alert and it wasn't a seizure. It went on for months and I had every test imaginable done with no answers. It was really really scary and didnt help the PPA at all. One day it just stopped happening and I still have no answers but something must have happened during birthing DD... My doctor just said sometimes weird things happen after pregnancy like that but I still get scared just thinking about it.

So, I am very terrified at the idea of that happening again and I don't know how I could deal with the PPA again since it was crippling. However, I loved having a newborn and the thought of never getting to experience pregnancy or a newborn again makes my heart ache. Really though, I feel complete with DD and DH has shifted to definitely wanting to be one and done now so we have kind of switched views! The thing is, I realize that I don't want to raise another child, I just want another baby and its hard seeing DD grow up and leave behind that stage. We may revisit things when DD is in school but for now its looking more and more like one and done for a wide variety of reasons. We would love to be a foster home though someday for kids with the goal of reunification not adoption. We don't have any plans to adopt but would still like to open our home at some point when DD is older.

Thanks for reading my long intro! I'm excited to get to know you all as we try to figure out our decision!

I am so glad to just have DD and we get to do so many things together since it's just her and I and I'm in no way cut out to be mom to a toddler and baby! I love the idea of an only child but will just miss those baby snuggles!