Invite to both showers?

BeachBucket · May 2013

Hi there,

I am new to these parts, but have been getting some conflicting "advice" on what is considered okay on my question.

My husband's very good friend, and his wife, took us out for dinner and asked us if they could host us a co-ed bbq type shower. I did not expect this at all. While we do hang out with them often- I just never thought they would offer such an awesome gift. So sweet!! We of course excepted. I do already have a more "formal" shower being given to me by my cousin and 2 best friends.

I decided that I could maybe split the guest lists up? Invite friends to the co-ed shower and keep my other shower just family? I thought that might also help with some costs as far as food goes (I was not given a head count limit by any of the hostess's, but I've done the hosting gig before and know it can get pricey).

SO what is my question? Both of my best friends and cousin are married. My husband and I are very close with them and spend a good deal of time with them. Is it tacky or a no no to invite them to the co-ed shower? I would NEVER expect gifts from them or anything like that. I just love the idea of all of our friends, both mine and my husbands, being able to get together and celebrate.

Sorry if this was too long. I appreciate your time and thoughts.

Best-

vindaloo · May 2013

I would not invite them to both. Even if you don't expect a gift at each shower, you are inviting them to a giftgiving event. They would feel awkward showing up emptyhanded. As they are hosting one of the events, it may also invite comparison between the two showers.

cinderin · May 2013

I would just invite people to one shower with the exception of the two Grandmas-to-be.

HappyMrsK · May 2013

cinderin:
I would just invite people to one shower with the exception of the two Grandmas-to-be.

This.

EastCoastBride · May 2013

wheelerc:
If you're really close with them I'd ask them. With my closest friends, I would want to be there regardless, and my feelings would be hurt if I wasn't invited. Every circle is different. Just explain to them what you said here and ask what they think. If you're not close enough to have this conversation, you're not close enough to invite them to both showers.

I think this is pretty spot on. In general, no, you don't invite people to more than 1 shower. But I do have friends where if they told me the situation and said "do you want to come?", I'd LOVE to go and I know I wouldn't feel the need to take a 2nd gift. I'd absolutely go just to have a good time w/ my friends.

But yeah... if you can't actually ask them about this, then don't invite them to both.

BeachBucket · May 2013

Thank you all so much!

These are all people that I am very close with and have no problem asking them to come to both or how they'd feel. I honestly would feel guilty if I didn't include them in both, because we are so close. I know if roles were reversed I'd be sad if I wasn't included.

I did not, however, consider shower comparison. I don't think it would be an issue just because both are so different. One very casual and the other more formal. But I definitely see that as a cause for concern.

I think I will not have the hostess for the bbq include registery info though. If guests ask then I will gladly share. But won't include it on the invite.

Thank you again! Have a great week bumpies!!

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