Mealtimes Are Making Me Crazy!

beautiflaw · May 2013

My daughter used to do sooo well at mealtimes. She was eating everything we put on her plate, no questions asked, eating so healthy and we were so glad. Then once she turned 1 she started refusing certain foods at home, but eating them at daycare. She started throwing her food in the floor once she was full, tipping her cups over, throwing things she didn't want, and screaming and having fits if anything slightly resembling a vegetable or meat was placed in front of her. Now she only wants to eat fruit, pasta, and crackers. Sometimes we can convince her to eat chicken, or beef if its in ravioli. It is very hard to feed her properly and make sure she has a balanced diet because of this.

She is 20 months now. We took her out of daycare about a month ago and were hoping that she'd start eating her veggies at home again, and we were thinking that her table manners would get better since there would be no other kids around to be a bad influence. (She does know proper table manners for her age level. She has just stopped using them lately.) But she's gotten even worse! She is eating less and less variety and gets very angry when presented with new foods. She throws things all the time and wastes a ton of food. Both my husband and I grew up very, very poor and it kills us to see food wasted. We work very hard and spend a lot of money to make sure that our child has the best and healthiest food. Good, healthy, whole food is not cheap and it is driving me nuts to see her throwing it in the floor.

What can I do? Is this a phase? I have tried everything, including reading several different parenting books about picky eating.

We have scheduled meals. Breakfast, lunch, a light snack, and dinner. Each meal is at the same time every day. We do not allow snacking between meals. I was told by her doctor this is the best schedule for her and to keep doing this because kids at her age need predictable daily rituals. It doesn't seem to be helping.

Part of the problem is that she doesn't like to take the time to eat. She would rather play which is understandable. We still have to strap her into a high chair because in her booster she figured out how to kick the table until her chair falls backward! Now we have her in a high chair with 20 lb weights holding her chair down so she can't push her legs against the table and knock the chair back again. I don't know what else to do!

vrj0522 · May 2013

I don't have any suggestions but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this. My LO is not quite a year yet but he does seem to be getting worse and worse with eating. Hoping some people can give you good advice and this passes soon for you.

prism207 · May 2013

I don't think toddlers need scheduled meals, and I've never been told that by a Pediatrician. Kids thrive on routine, but they can't tell time, and if they aren't hungry at 12 pm, that doesn't mean that they won't be at 1.

My toddler eats breakfast when she gets up-whenever that is, between 7-9. She has a snack a few hours later, and then lunch usually between 11-1. After her nap she snacks again, and then we have dinner usually around 6:30.

Given the opportunity, kids will self regulate their appetites. Offer healthy food at regular intervals and consider their nutrition as a weekly whole, not as a meal by meal issue.

Branch out and offer other proteins-beans, tofu, so on, if she is refusing meat. Eggs are great too.

Eat the same foods you want her to eat. Make meal times social and fun, sit with her and eat and talk.

ETA: If the throwing food is that bad, give her food piece by piece. Not a whole plateful of things. And realize that she is a baby, and no, babies don't know table manners of any sort really. She's testing limits, testing gravity, learning about texture and all of those things when she's tossing her cup and smashing/throwing foods. All those things are developmentally appropriate.

animalcrckers · May 2013

i'd say its a phase. both my kids did this at some point. DD1 used to love macaroni and then randomly refused to eat it for a month straight. and then suddenly loved it again. the throwing food is all part of them showing independence. just keep correcting her and teach her how to tell you she's done politely and this should get better. Wanting to play more than eat is definitely the age and totally normal.

what if you just let her sit in the seat with no booster? DD2 started pushing off the table in her booster seat too so we just switched her to the regular seat. that means she can get up whenever so I have to remind her to stay in her seat but its worked out much better for us.

good luck!

Margaret Lemon · May 2013

It sounds like pretty normal behavior to me. It's more how you deal with it. I know it's hard, but try not to let her see you too frustrated with the throwing of food. That will only encourage her.

I was told that right now everything they are doing is a science experiment for them, testing gravity, limits etc. when I think of my LOs behavior in this manner it is much easier to not get frustrated.

My LO is not always a big eater, but that is normal. We do have snacks though. You strict schedule and no snacks sounds a bit rigid. And, for the record, my LO never throws food at daycare. She saves that lovely behavior for me and DH.

Jenny952 · May 2013

Yes, this sounds about like normal toddler behavior! My DD will devour something one day and literally refuse it the next. I try to follow her cues on when she's hungry and have her sit in her high chair. She sits with DH and I for meals and feed her off our plates... sometimes she's into it and sometimes she's not. I'd focus on just trying to continue offering foods and not fighting her. She will eventually have better table manners, as long as you're consistent. And if she's hungry, she'll eat!

dairygirl19 · May 2013

It's normal and I agree with most of the pp.

However, I mean this in the nicest way possible but you have to take a step back and relax. She's two. She's experimenting. She's not doing this to p*ss you off, I promise. The more she sees you stressed, the more she'll keep doing it.

I don't fight food battles. You eat what we have or we're done. You throw it on the floor, I take it away. I ignore the rest. Screaming/crawling around, dropping your fork, won't get love from me. Sitting like a good girl and waiting for me to get you down willl. No kid will willingly starve themselves.

I give her only things I"m okay with her eating and balance it throughout the day. For example if she had a ton of fruit at breakfast it'll be mostly veggies and meat at lunch with a little fruit.. If she ate all the meat at lunch, she'll get more veggies at dinner with a little meat and fruit. She can have things like crackers for snack but if she's having a "bad" meal day I'll get her a steam bag of veggies or some fruit for snack. I also always put one thing I know she'll eat on her plate and let her pick and choose the rest. She also gets what we're having for the most part. I'm not starting that battle.

Also, my toddler knows eating or not is one thing she's in control of. I just let her think it. She likes most everything, but it depends on the day and her mood. One day she can't get enough cheese, 2 weeks later she's making gagging noises at it. Whatever. She'll figure it out in time.

I also think you're expecting a lot asking her to sit and eat three solid meals in their entirety every day. My pedi told me once to look at their food intake over a week, rather than a day...most toddler's diets come out pretty good that way. Also, just like as adults sometimes we're not hungry and skip lunch, kids will do the same. Past 1 LOs growth slows a bit, so they're not as hungry as they once were. Also, the novelty of eating has worn off. They're more physical and can do way more fun things than eat.

Also, why is your pedi so anti-snacking? All mine ever says is, "If the kid is hungry, feed her." I can't survive my day without snacks, why would I expect my LO to? They're very busy with small tummies, they need constant small doses of calories.

And I know due to your prior circumstances it's hard to see your kid essentially waste food. However, it's still such a small small amount, I'd just relax about it. All kids do it. Or like a pp said, only a little of something at a time.

homediva · May 2013

My son is 20 months and since around 12 months became pickier and pickier. He won't eat meat very often and veggies are a rarity too. In my experience, all you can do is continue to offer a healthy variety at each meal. You choose what they eat and they choose whether they eat and how much they eat. As for the table manners, I agree with what everyone else has said. Good luck!

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