- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
Amanda88
member
Not really BF, but I need some advice.
Amanda88
member
SS just turned 5 and things have been bad with him lately. He is constantly seeking negative attention. It has been like this for a couple months. We play and he gets tons of positive attention throughout the day, he has been excelling in pre-school. It seems no matter what we do or how happy he is he just wants to do something bad. I'm at a loss as to what to do for him. My in-laws have even mentioned that he seems to be seeking negative attention constantly.
Some of the things he has done recently are:
Pooping his pants on purpose, bullying his 17mo old brother (teasing, hitting, pushing, stealing his food/drink), peeing on the floors on purpose at home, he climbed the toilet to get my contact solution and some baby powder out of the cabinet to destroy the bathroom I just cleaned, and he has been extremely disrespectful with other minor actions I assume are normal actions for his age (continuing to go back and do something he been asked to stop multiple times even after time out, rolling eyes, back talk, lying, etc).
My H and I don't believe in spanking. Time outs, talking, reward charts, behavior charts, taking away privileges are not working. Is there something we can do to help curb this behavior from happening multiple times a day? Is this normal 5 year old behavior?
He does these things and doesn't feel bad about them, he often thinks it is funny when he does something upsetting. He will laugh and smile when we talk about why he can't/shouldn't be doing these things and how it hurts my feelings when he is disrespectful.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Not really BF, but I need some advice.
I think this goes beyond normal 5 yo behavior. It sounds like he would benefit from a visit to the pediatrician soon to explain what is going on and to see if the pediatrician would refer you to someone else, like maybe SS seeing a child psychiatrist.
DS(4.5) was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and me, DH, & BD will be attending an 8 week behavior modification class just for the parents to learn to how to appropriately address things with DS, and we will also be exploring medication options at the end of the summer as well. I'm not saying your SS has ADHD (it doesn't sound like he does from what you said), but it is possible that there is something else going on, and that's it's not "his fault" for his outbursts. Maybe there's an underlying reason here, and a professional can help you sort things out with SS whether it's as simple as something SS will outgrow, or as complicated as a diagnosis of something that requires therapy, a behavior plan, and medication, or something in between the two. T&Ps your way.
First and foremost - do not give him attention when he does the act. Yes, you punish him, but DO NOT ENGAGE other than to give him a quick "you did wrong, here is your punishment".
If he is looking for negative responses, then DO NOT GIVE IT TO HIM. Even the talking to's are a win because his GOAL is to get a negative response. So dont.
But when he AND his brother does something good, be overly enfusive in your positive reinforcement. Be reasonable with your responses so you dont create a special snowflake, but do acknowledge his positive actions.
Second, while this seems totally age appropriate behavior, a quick pedi checkup to catch anything is not a bad thing.
Third, on top of actual punishments for the bad behavior, make him clean up every mess he makes. This is not a punishment, this is the natural consequence of doing something destructive. Just like the real world when he is on his own...he makes a mess he has to clean said mess up.
He will not like having to clean up after himself, so he will probably move on to a different way of showing his crankyness, but at least you wont have messes.
Also, it's time to start child locking like a mofo. Locks on cabinets, on bathroom doors if necessary, etc. If he puts his little boy hands on his brother even once, he gets to sit down somewhere.
I know you say you've tried time outs but have they been consistent and immediate? Because there is more to using time out than just sticking them in a chair occasionally.
Does he have a routine? Things to keep him occupied?
Click me, click me!
We have been locking things down and supervising him as best we can. His behavior is escalating unfortunately. He ended up getting sent to time out 5 times on Monday for catapulting blocks at kids, screaming in the classroom, and spitting on other kids.
Then at soccer practice he went up to the coach's ball and kicked it away from him an said "NOW YOU HAVE TO GO FURTHER!" Apparently he did that to two of his other team mates too.
His time outs are immediate and consistent. 5 min because he is 5, to get out of time out he has to be calm and apologize for what he did wrong and apologize to whoever he was mean to.
He has a routine and tons to keep him occupied. The problem is when I go to the bathroom or when I'm putting his little brother down for a nap. The second I'm doing xyz and can't be on top of him he is choosing to act out.
I took DS to the dr today for other reasons and got to talk to their doctor after the appt about SS's behavior and he said we should fill out a behavioral packet and schedule an appointment. He was concerned he has been seeking negative attention in a more demanding way lately and that is has ramped up at school and at activities
Click me, click me!