Worried

MagickalNarwhal · May 2013

My son is almost 15 months and we are expecting again July 5th (domestic newborn adoption - our son was adopted as well). We were not planning on having a second for quite a while as my son is sometimes high needs, but we were presented with a situation that we couldn't say no to.

My son has always been fairly high needs, and was a poor sleeper until around 11 months. Even as a newborn he rarely slept more than 12 or 13 hours in a 24 hour period. Now that he's independently mobile he's a lot better but he still has days (like today) where he needs me to hold him most of the day. He can hadn't the ergo for 15 - 20 minutes, but mostly he prefers that I hold him in my arms.

Today I'm kind of freaking out about how I will handle a newborn with him, esp if the NB is higher needs/a crappy sleeper like he was, but even if I have the easiest baby in the world I just can't picture how I will be able to meet the needs of an infant with my clingy toddler in tow. As a baby my son hated being worn except for naps and as soon as he woke he wanted out, so the "wear the baby" didn't really work for us, at least not consistently.

I need some words of encouragement. I know I'm being a wimp, as people parent two - or more - kids ALL THE TIME and they survive just fine. Just having a hard day today I guess.

boogerbearoriginal · May 2013

No two kids are the same. It sounds like most of your worries are based on having another baby just like your son. Chances are your next baby will be totally different. And maybe even easy!

It will be an adjustment, but you'll figure it out and both LOs will get plenty of love and attention. I'm pretty sure all moms worry about how life is going to work with a second, third, etc. I don't think your being a wimp, it's normal to worry.

You'll do great!

Ginny0211 · May 2013

Completely understandable to have a mini panic attack, but don't worry yourself too much (I say that knowing that i'm probably going to have a mini freak out whenever we are expecting our second) . You will probably surprise yourself at the supermom of two that you will quickly become.

And a lot can happen in a couple months. You DS may be significantly less clingy by then. My DD was still a high needs toddler at 15 months, but now she has become a lot more independent. She still needs a lot of attention and is a litte clingy, but she can now usually play independently for a significant amount of time and doesn't always need me right there on the floor with her to stay engaged with an activity. I just have to get her started with an activity and then I can get something done if I need to. Before when I tried to do that as soon as she looked up and figured out I wasn't sitting right there with her she would come running to me crying. Now I can make breakfast or load the dishwasher with two hands while she plays with play-doh!

MagickalNarwhal · May 2013

Thank you! I know I am being ridiculous. Some days it's just overwhelming!

SandiaPinaMama · May 2013

My DS2 is only 2 weeks old, so I'm smack in the middle of it. I looked at what things DS still truly needed from me, personally, which mostly came down to bedtime. I have had the benefit of not having to be alone with both boys much yet. Between my mom, my DH, my ILs, and my DCP, I've been sending DS1 a few hours here and there, I have a lot of support. I make sure that I'm never alone at bedtime, and I prioritize that with DS. I keep a PnP in my great room so I can put the baby down safely if DS1 needs me. I have a stash of new toys and books which I only dip into if DS1 is struggling, so far 2 times. I broke down and bought Finding Nemo. I haven't done it yet, but if I need to, I could put that on. DS has only seen TV a couple times, so its pretty novel. I also keep in mind that if I need a break, a drive is a good way to handle that. Everybody in car seats, safe, secure, and possibly sleeping. HTH! And congrats on your pending arrival!

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