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Suspicions/small vent

HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member
in Blended Families

We are long distance and send care packages every so often between visits. The kids Skype on Sunday so typically DH will ask them "so how'd did you like such and such" because they don't always return calls during the week on the day the may have actually received the item.

We know they get their mail because they will respond on Skype with "oh yeah it was good", or some version there of. They are real funny though about bringing things back to their mom's house after visitation though. Like Christmas gifts or b'day gifts, etc. They rarely WANT to bring them home even though we know they like the gifts...I sort of detect an awkwardness when we ask (while packing the car to leave for BMs) and always get the "No leave it here for next time".

 Last Sunday on Skype we had two small little surprises (one that made a funny noise) and we showed it to the kids said we were mailing it the next day. SS pipes up "NO..send it to someone else" DH said "huh" and SS said "nevermind". BM was there along with the distractions that are ALWAYS present when DH Skypes and she is home.

Fast forward to yesterday....DH Skypes the kids and the babysitter is there (no BM) and SD and DH are being silly playing peekaboo covering the camera. He gets the little noise maker stuffed animal out and makes the funny noise and she says "Daddy please mail it to me tonight while mommy is asleep".

SS still says not to mail his surprise (he is older).

I've posted before about he PA and I can't help but feel this is just a small example of the ridiculousness.

 

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Re: Suspicions/small vent

  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member

    I guess I didn't think about throwing the gifts away AFTER the kids had seen them.

     I was actually feeling guilty for being suspicious because I knew the kids DID get them, they would acknowledge (when asked about the item). But I do specifically remember SS saying something had gotten lost (MP3 player/character kid one) he got from us one year at Christmas.  

    Now what do I do? Do I mail SD her surprise (since she asked) and NOT mail SS his (since he requested we don't)?

    And wendi that is awful the BM would spend the kids gift cards on herself.

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  • PamelacakePamelacake member

    Ihave also been through this before and she would throw them away and the child would get into trouble for even acting like he liked it. She then got to a point where she said she was withholding a christmas visit and then changed it to " he can only come if he gets to bring all of his gifts that he wants to home with him". 

    It is very petty and rediculous. and for the kids to see that, at any age, is horrible!

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  • Lavender PLavender P member
    I don't know what the solution is since you are long distance but I just wanted to commiserate that you aren't alone. My SS's mom has thrown out anything that he would take home and now we just have a rule that nothing leaves. It used to be toys that he loved and only had at our house, so we felt bad and let him take them; they are after all his toys. However, as he has gotten older it is more clothing related and more frustrating because it is stuff he wants to wear and expensive. We don't just buy him whatever he wants, but he is a good kid, and if he has a reasonable request, we get it or him. Just like we would for my DS. We bought him a pair of Nike's for over a 100 and by the next week he came back in old shoes because his mom returned the other ones but she didn't get him new shoes...not sure what happened to the money. The same thing happened with a brand new coat and when we asked BM she said the coat was too small and she gave it away. She would rather he wear the same coat for literally 4 years then the new one we bought him and he tried on at he store with us so we knew it wasnt too small. It is so frustrating. I'm just waiting for SS to grow up enough that he actually takes care of his stuff so that things we buy him don't just disappear.
    "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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  • AlohaloveAlohalove member
    I'm sorry for you and the kids. Um.. Could you casually ask about the presents? Ask why he doesn't want his surprise mailed? I'd be really really angry if the stepkids' mom threw away stuff we bought them.  What is wrong with those mothers? 
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  • twister22twister22 member

    Seriously?! It sounds like BM is bitter.

    I cannot imagine throwing things away that BD gives DS. BD lives only 20/30 minutes away, but sees DS kind of erratically - and any toys that have made it's way here DS has with his other toys and plays with. I even remind him that a toy that BD got him, and isn't that nice? 

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  • NDSalesGirlNDSalesGirl
    We have the same issue, except BM decided that we needed to stop sending things back and forth. It drives me crazy,because BM will post pictures on Facebook of her BF's kids wearing SS's winter gear we send and SS in old snowpants that are ripped up. We have a 16 hour drive and have to pack clothes for SS. He literally comes with the clothes on his back.
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  • bosoxybosoxy member
    We were able to fix this issue by always sending gifts with a signature required for delivery.  She could not deny the box was received.  We take pictures of the contents and if the kids say what was in there but not something else, we ask about it.  If it still isn't there, we have records showing it was sent and use it in court.  BM doesn't tend to play these games anymore.
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