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Hello Everyone

kitara64kitara64 member
in Adoption
I just wanted to introduce myself.  We are at the point where we are considering adoption.  We are still going to continue to try to have one of our own.  We have had 3 losses in a row.  I am having a few tests run to see if we can figure out the cause.  Anyway, we were looking at international adoption.  I am not really interested in open adoption....so we figured that would be the best option.  We are just now looking into the process and it all seems so confusing. 
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Re: Hello Everyone

  • kitara64kitara64 member

    imageSpooko:
    Welcome. Check out the FAQ for guidance and rest assured that an adopted child will still be a child of your own.

    Thank you very much :)  I will love an adopted child like my own, I guess I should have chosen my words a bit better.  I have always wanted to adopt at least 1 child even if I was able to have my own.  We are just considering it now as opposed to later is all :)

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  • Stacy092306Stacy092306 member
    Welcome!  We are in the process of adopting internationally.  It does seem overwhelming at first, but once you narrow it down to what country you are interested in adopting from the process gets a little less complex.  There is just lots and lots of paperwork, so being organized is key.  I wish you lots of luck with your journey.
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC #2, Operative hysteroscopy March 2011; IVF #1 long lupron protocol April 2011-cancelled due to poor response; IVF #2 flare protocol May 2011=hospitalization due to abdominal hemorrhage during ER and no fert due to MFI issues. Moving onto international adoption from Moldova January 2013!
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  • kitara64kitara64 member
    How exciting!! Thanks so much for sharing that! We were looking at China or Ethiopia but we havent made a for sure decision yet. May I ask what country you are adopting from? Also, the places that you have to wait for 5 years for married couples where 1 person has had a divorce, can you do your home study in uear 4 to save some time or do you have to wait the full 5 years before you start anything? Thanks :
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  • Stacy092306Stacy092306 member

    imagekitara64:
    How exciting!! Thanks so much for sharing that! We were looking at China or Ethiopia but we havent made a for sure decision yet. May I ask what country you are adopting from? Also, the places that you have to wait for 5 years for married couples where 1 person has had a divorce, can you do your home study in uear 4 to save some time or do you have to wait the full 5 years before you start anything? Thanks :

    We are adopting from Moldova (a small country in Eastern Europe). 

    I am not sure how the five-year time requirement comes into play when conducting the home study. The home study agency we used made sure we met all the requirements for adopting in that country before they would begin the home study.  But, I am not sure if that is a requirement specific to our home study agency or all agencies follow those rules. I am sure you can e-mail agencies you are considering using and they could help you with the timeline.

    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC #2, Operative hysteroscopy March 2011; IVF #1 long lupron protocol April 2011-cancelled due to poor response; IVF #2 flare protocol May 2011=hospitalization due to abdominal hemorrhage during ER and no fert due to MFI issues. Moving onto international adoption from Moldova January 2013!
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  • kitara64kitara64 member
    Thanks so much and thank you for taking the time to answer me! Best if luck to you!
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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member
    imagekitara64:

    imageSpooko:
    Welcome. Check out the FAQ for guidance and rest assured that an adopted child will still be a child of your own.

    Thank you very much :)  I will love an adopted child like my own, I guess I should have chosen my words a bit better.  I have always wanted to adopt at least 1 child even if I was able to have my own.  We are just considering it now as opposed to later is all :)

    Hello, and welcome.

    What Spooko was trying to point out nicely is that it's offensive to differentiate between a biological child and a child who was adopted using the terminology "my own." Not only do parents who have adopted love those children "like their own," our children are, with all that is true in the world, our own children.

    If you'd like to make a distinction between possibly having children biologically and through adoption, please use those terms:  biological child and adopted child or child through adoption. 

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  • kitara64kitara64 member
    imageCaptainSerious:

    Hello, and welcome.

    What Spooko was trying to point out nicely is that it's offensive to differentiate between a biological child and a child who was adopted using the terminology "my own." Not only do parents who have adopted love those children "like their own," our children are, with all that is true in the world, our own children.

    If you'd like to make a distinction between possibly having children biologically and through adoption, please use those terms:  biological child and adopted child or child through adoption. 

    Well, thank you for pointing that out.  I wasn't aware that it was offensive to say "my own".....as I said, I am new to this.  Instead of writing a cryptic message left for me to interpret on my own, spooko could have just said that it was offensive.  I wasn't meaning to be offensive at all.  

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  • CaptainSeriousCaptainSerious member
    imagekitara64:
    imageCaptainSerious:

    Hello, and welcome.

    What Spooko was trying to point out nicely is that it's offensive to differentiate between a biological child and a child who was adopted using the terminology "my own." Not only do parents who have adopted love those children "like their own," our children are, with all that is true in the world, our own children.

    If you'd like to make a distinction between possibly having children biologically and through adoption, please use those terms:  biological child and adopted child or child through adoption. 

    Well, thank you for pointing that out.  I wasn't aware that it was offensive to say "my own".....as I said, I am new to this.  Instead of writing a cryptic message left for me to interpret on my own, spooko could have just said that it was offensive.  I wasn't meaning to be offensive at all.  

    I know you weren't trying to be offensive, which is why I tried to tell you in a way that I hope you know we welcome you here, but that language diminishes our relationship with our children.  I'm also sure Spooko understood you meant no offense, and didn't want to say anything that would make you feel we didn't want you to continue posting.

    Please, let's move on.   We want you to stick around and post often, without worrying about offending anyone.  If it helps, there's a post in the FAQs that talks about positive adoption language and board terminology.  At least for my part, I will continue to try to help new posters when they accidentally say something offensive while at the same time trying to let them know that we understand it's not common knowledge and they meant no harm.  I do believe that's also what Spooko was trying to do, but it's always tricky because by the time people find this board and start posting, emotions are often pretty raw and we want everyone genuinely interested in adoption to stick around.

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  • kitara64kitara64 member
    Well, I appreciate it.  You are right, emotions are raw.  Thank you for explaining it to me and I am glad that I know now :)  Onto the next subject!  Seriously, thank you :)
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