Do any of you suffer from Postmortem Depression?

alrighthamilton · May 2013

Title: Do any of you suffer from Postmortem Depression?

I wrote awhile ago about my cousin's son, who unexpectedly became a father at a young age. At his joint baby shower, he was under the impression that the #1 and #2 on the side of the diaper boxes indicates bodily function, not size, and that was how you determined what diaper to put on the baby. Yesterday, his mom was telling us that he told her he is concerned that his young girlfriend (baby mama) is suffering from "postmortem depression." This is both a funny story and sad situation. Another example of babies having babies.

Crossingfingers · May 2013

How old is he? I could see it being a combination of young age and being a dad

I think it is awesome though that he is paying attention and concerned about his girlfriend. "Babies having babies" is a little offensive. I had Lexie when I was 17 and I hope that the people I turned to for advice/help were not laughing at me and telling others about what a sad situation I was in.

alrighthamilton · May 2013

Crossingfingers:
How old is he? I could see it being a combination of young age and being a dad
I think it is awesome though that he is paying attention and concerned about his girlfriend. "Babies having babies" is a little offensive. I had Lexie when I was 17 and I hope that the people I turned to for advice/help were not laughing at me and telling others about what a sad situation I was in.

He's 21. He is trying to be a good father, but this is still a sad situation for a number of other reasons. Let's just put it this way-my cousin (his mom) had the baby yesterday, at only 11 days old, and has already had her for several days due to concerns about care. By "babies having babies", I meant more the maturity level of young adults. I'm sure there are good teen/young parents in the world, but generally it seems that the younger the parent, the more difficult the situation, for a number of reasons. Maturity, financially, etc.

bigbootyjudi · May 2013

21 is not a "baby." When you say "babies having babies," I think of the 14 year olds I see KU.

By 21, most of my friends were KU or had newborns already. A lot of the moms on this board had their first and were married around that age. At 21, you are more than capable of making adult decisions, such as starting a family. At 21 (three years ago), I had the exact same job, made about $1 less, and lived in my own apartment, just as I do now.

cedenton · May 2013

I was just reading recently about young moms being at higher risk of PPD, which totally makes sense. I imagine they don't have a lot of $. Can you do some research into resources in your area that could help? I hate to think of anyone going through that alone. Also, can you talk to her yourself and see if you also think she's got PPD/PPA? I think think sometimes guys go straight to that when they're being d-bags and they're wives lose their ish on them. Kind've like playing the "that time of the month" card.

Can you help out at all? Make dinner, offer to babysit or something?

ETA: I didn't realize the baby was that young. It's probably too early for it to be PPD/PPA. Probably the baby blues. She's probably terrified that she doesn't know how to take care of her. Is there any way ya'll can work with her to help her with her confidence?

alrighthamilton · May 2013

bigbootyjudi:
21 is not a "baby." When you say "babies having babies," I think of the 14 year olds I see KU.
By 21, most of my friends were KU or had newborns already. A lot of the moms on this board had their first and were married around that age. At 21, you are more than capable of making adult decisions, such as starting a family.

At 21, most of my friends were getting drunk and going out all the time. Different levels of maturity, like I said. 21 is still a baby to me. Then again, I waited until 35 to have a child. I didn't post this to start a debate, and don't care to engage in one. The families of the young parents are providing help-no one is leaving them to dangle on their own. They aren't making very good choices in their personal lives as it is, but I'm sure the baby will be well taken care of, even it's not by them.

Also, the baby's mom is still a teen.

mollyxcate · May 2013

Becc77:
bigbootyjudi:
21 is not a "baby." When you say "babies having babies," I think of the 14 year olds I see KU.
By 21, most of my friends were KU or had newborns already. A lot of the moms on this board had their first and were married around that age. At 21, you are more than capable of making adult decisions, such as starting a family.
At 21, most of my friends were getting drunk and going out all the time. Different levels of maturity, like I said. 21 is still a baby to me. Then again, I waited until 35 to have a child. I didn't post this to start a debate, and don't care to engage in one. The families of the young parents are providing help-no one is leaving them to dangle on their own. They aren't making very good choices in their personal lives as it is, but I'm sure the baby will be well taken care of, even it's not by them.
Also, the baby's mom is still a teen.

I can understand her having a hard time if shes just a teen but I'm going to assume it's more reality hitting that 'a baby is not a toy and they don't just sleep and eat and let you dress them up' and that her free life is over and she needs to grow up and be responsible.

I got pregnant at 21 and had my baby at 22 ... but I knew what I was facing I was mentally prepared and over myself.

Tula214 · May 2013

I wouldn't say I was or am a baby for having my baby when I was 21. I also had the same questions, and concerns as other parents. This guy, though, needs to read a book or something. Post mortum. Ay yi yi.

When I realized PPA was hurting my relationship with my SO, I had him learn a little about it.

Even before we had J I talked to him a lot about things. Explained what things were for.

acire86 · May 2013

I'm gonna agree with everyone else and say 21 is not a baby. My older brother was 17 when he got a girl pregnant. He took responsibility for his daughter and has joint custody with her mom. At first he had no idea what he was doing, I don't know if a lot of first time dads really do, but my mom, me, and other family on her side were there to help. So my brother grew into a better father.

I know that DF was worries when we had R. He had only ever changed 1 diaper in his life and he put it on backwards.

If you or your cousin are so worried about him and the baby why don't you try helping him out instead of judging him. And when I say helping I don't mean just do whatever for him, I mean show him and teach him the correct way to do whatever it is. He sounds like a good man to recognize ppd even if he didn't get the word right.

And can I ask if he thought 1s were for urine and 2s were for bm what did he think 3s were for?

alrighthamilton · May 2013

acire86:
I'm gonna agree with everyone else and say 21 is not a baby. My older brother was 17 when he got a girl pregnant. He took responsibility for his daughter and has joint custody with her mom. At first he had no idea what he was doing, I don't know if a lot of first time dads really do, but my mom, me, and other family on her side were there to help. So my brother grew into a better father. I know that DF was worries when we had R. He had only ever changed 1 diaper in his life and he put it on backwards. If you or your cousin are so worried about him and the baby why don't you try helping him out instead of judging him. And when I say helping I don't mean just do whatever for him, I mean show him and teach him the correct way to do whatever it is. He sounds like a good man to recognize ppd even if he didn't get the word right. And can I ask if he thought 1s were for urine and 2s were for bm what did he think 3s were for?

Relax, 21 year old mothers. Not all 21 year olds are as mature as you are/were and capable of raising children successfully. Dare I say most aren't, my 21 year old self included in this. The kids have lots of help in raising their baby, but they don't seem to have much interest putting the baby first in making decisions. That is not something anyone can help.

Crossingfingers · May 2013

Becc77:
acire86:
I'm gonna agree with everyone else and say 21 is not a baby. My older brother was 17 when he got a girl pregnant. He took responsibility for his daughter and has joint custody with her mom. At first he had no idea what he was doing, I don't know if a lot of first time dads really do, but my mom, me, and other family on her side were there to help. So my brother grew into a better father. I know that DF was worries when we had R. He had only ever changed 1 diaper in his life and he put it on backwards. If you or your cousin are so worried about him and the baby why don't you try helping him out instead of judging him. And when I say helping I don't mean just do whatever for him, I mean show him and teach him the correct way to do whatever it is. He sounds like a good man to recognize ppd even if he didn't get the word right. And can I ask if he thought 1s were for urine and 2s were for bm what did he think 3s were for?
Relax, 21 year old mothers. Not all 21 year olds are as mature as you are/were and capable of raising children successfully. Dare I say most aren't, my 21 year old self included in this. The kids have lots of help in raising their baby, but they don't seem to have much interest putting the baby first in making decisions. That is not something anyone can help.

They have an 11 day old baby. How on earth can you tell if they do or do not have much interest in putting the baby first? I don't remember anything about our 11th day home other than I probably cried because I felt inadequate and was barely hanging on. I have to say, my mom is a pro at making herself look like a saint at the expense of my sisters and me. Without you being there, I would take what your cousin is saying with a grain of salt. Usually the truth is somewhere in the middle.

alrighthamilton · May 2013

Crossingfingers:
Becc77:
acire86:
I'm gonna agree with everyone else and say 21 is not a baby. My older brother was 17 when he got a girl pregnant. He took responsibility for his daughter and has joint custody with her mom. At first he had no idea what he was doing, I don't know if a lot of first time dads really do, but my mom, me, and other family on her side were there to help. So my brother grew into a better father. I know that DF was worries when we had R. He had only ever changed 1 diaper in his life and he put it on backwards. If you or your cousin are so worried about him and the baby why don't you try helping him out instead of judging him. And when I say helping I don't mean just do whatever for him, I mean show him and teach him the correct way to do whatever it is. He sounds like a good man to recognize ppd even if he didn't get the word right. And can I ask if he thought 1s were for urine and 2s were for bm what did he think 3s were for?
Relax, 21 year old mothers. Not all 21 year olds are as mature as you are/were and capable of raising children successfully. Dare I say most aren't, my 21 year old self included in this. The kids have lots of help in raising their baby, but they don't seem to have much interest putting the baby first in making decisions. That is not something anyone can help.
They have an 11 day old baby. How on earth can you tell if they do or do not have much interest in putting the baby first? I don't remember anything about our 11th day home other than I probably cried because I felt inadequate and was barely hanging on. I have to say, my mom is a pro at making herself look like a saint at the expense of my sisters and me. Without you being there, I would take what your cousin is saying with a grain of salt. Usually the truth is somewhere in the middle.

Well, for starters, one of them is still using drugs. Pretty good indication they're not putting the baby first, huh?

rp-chicago-mom · May 2013

In my experience, mothers who wait a long time to have babies have their own stereotypical hangups. They can be too set in their ways and expect their babies to fit into an adult world. BIL was 42 when his first was born. He is about as fun of a Dad as a tube of aspercream. SIL has to leave her kids with MIL every possible second because she is too uncomfortable to be alone with them. Could that be because they had their kids too old? I tend to think age is just a number but just know it comes from both sides. Also, drug use really isn't about age. I've seen plenty of geriatric crack heads. They may have their priorities skewed but I don't think maturity is why.

ETA: I'm an older mom so please don't be offended. I'm just pointing out there's always room to stereotype. I bet BIL and SIL would always be like this. They're both really self centered. That's the real reason they suck.

alrighthamilton · May 2013

Baker_Bride:
In my experience, mothers who wait a long time to have babies have their own stereotypical hangups. They can be too set in their ways and expect their babies to fit into an adult world. BIL was 42 when his first was born. He is about as fun of a Dad as a tube of aspercream. SIL has to leave her kids with MIL every possible second because she is too uncomfortable to be alone with them. Could that be because they had their kids too old? I tend to think age is just a number but just know it comes from both sides. Also, drug use really isn't about age. I've seen plenty of geriatric crack heads. They may have their priorities skewed but I don't think maturity is why. ETA: I'm an older mom so please don't be offended. I'm just pointing out there's always room to stereotype. I bet BIL and SIL would always be like this. They're both really self centered. That's the real reason they suck.

No offense taken. Obviously, my posts and statements are my opinions and I realize others will disagree. It doesn't bother me. Have a great day, fellow Bumpies. I'm off for the day now.

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