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Late Term and Child Loss
I loss my beautiful baby boy at 30 weeks
A week ago i went to the ER due to no movement. It turned out that He had a heart beat but he wasn't moving much, but they said he was just tired and sleeping . They also said i had a lot of fluid so i needed to be monitored more closely. I left feeling something was not right so last Monday i went in for my check up, but doctor could not find they heart beat so they did a u/s and saw not heart activity. I was shattered like i couldn't breath. They told me i had to go to hospital to make it official. When i got there it was made official i had lost my Benjamin.
They told me i could be induced right away or in morning but i just wanted it over with. So we left to get him a outfit and a bag for me. I was induced that night i labored with out pain meds for 12 hours hoping my moving around would speed it up but it didn't and the pain was to much to bare after second time being induced. So before the third set of pills to get me pass one centimeter was given i got a epidural. It wasn't till like 3 or more sets of pills i was given did they decide to manually dilate me with this bulb of fluid. i was only just under 3 centimeters dilated. well my dr came in after a few hours and tugged on it to see if it was ready to come out but it wasn't so he kept tugging anyways and forced it out i couldn't believe how bad it hurt . Oh ya so epidural wouldn't work pass my hips for some reason so i felt no contractions but everything downstairs. After he pulled it he said i was 7 centimeters i was so relived and this was right before 1 on Wednesday. My husband was running a couple important errands so i called him and said doctored said baby will be here tonight sometime so comeback within next couple hours.
Well no more then 2 mins after the call and five after talking to the doctor. I felt a lot of pressure and pain. nurses said it was normal to tell them when it was unbearable. 2 mins after that she came in and i was like ok somethings not right it really hurts. So doctor came in said wow ya its go time. So in about 5 minutes i went from 7 to 10. My friend called my husband as they prepared me said get here fast. she stayed by my side whole time. I was so terrified i wasn't ready i didn't want my night mare to become a reality i prayed he come out fine. After about 15 minutes of pushing Benjamin ray came. There was no screams no crys but my own.... My doctor told me he had a very short twisted cord but he didn't think that would of cause his death but would do a autopsy. I couldn't bare to see him right away i needed my husband. Then when they went to deliver the placenta it wouldn't come it was stuck so he pushed his hand all the way in there and manually detached it i almost blacked out it was way worse then delivery and delivery hurt a lot. He said he only sees that every 3 years another doctor said last time for her was 6 years ago. So had all these rare things stuck placenta a short twisted cord that was not very securely attached inside placenta. and the polyhydroism. Every one said it was a freak incident it was not my fault but even though i realistically know its true i cant stop blaming my self for his death.
He was 2ibs 12 oz and 15 and 12 inches long. he was born a day before i turned 31 weeks. After my husband got there right at the end we waited a half an hour till i was prepared to see him and they brought him in. I feel horrible because i thought i could handle it but having his lifeless body in my arms just tore me apart i just couldn't handle the pain so they asked my husband if he wanted to see him and he did. He just held him and cried as i cried i felt so empty and filled with so much hurt and anger. I was only 10 weeks away from his due date and i had lost him he was suppose to be my rainbow baby. I thought it was all going to be fine and he gets ripped from me last min. I hurt so bad i just want my baby boy. I hate silent the house is because i keep thinking how it should be filled with his sounds and crys but its not. I just cant stop crying and hurting. I dont wish this on my worst enemy and my heart bleeds for other mommas who are dealing with a loss of a baby. I am sooo sorry for your pain.
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Re: I loss my beautiful baby boy at 30 weeks
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
I am so very sorry for your loss of Benjamin. Its truly the worst experience to lose a child. Please be easy with yourself as you go through your postpartum recovery. The grief is overwhelming and will consume you at times. Let it.
Surround yourself with family. No one should go through this, but they definitely should not go through it alone.
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
BFP #1 12.24.07 - DD born @ 39w1d on 08.26.08
BFP #2 08.04.11 - DD born still @ 37w3d on 03.25.12
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TTC #3 since May 2012
BFP #3 12.29.12 - CP @ 4w2d on 01.02.13
BFP #4 10.17.13 - CP @ 4w2d on 10.23.13
BFP #5 04.06.14 - MMC 05.07.14
No longer trying to conceive.
I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet abby boy Benjamin. There are no words to express how sorry I am. We lost our DD Sydney at 38 wks 4 days , it was 3 days before my scheduled c section. Things like this aren't far at all. It hurt so much you are not alone. We are all here for you if and when you may need us!!
Huge hugs!!
Heather
I am so very sorry for the loss of your Benjamin. I am sorry for all losses, but I was part of the July board as well and I was so hoping there wouldn't be any more.
I hate that your delivery was a painful experience for you as well....it definitely makes it that much harder to deal with being scared and heartbroken. We got to the hospital around 11 at night so I had to labor through out the night and it was awful. The contractions got so painful around 3am, I couldn't sleep, and it was so quiet. MH was sleeping and I knew he needed his sleep for the terrible day we had ahead of us, but I felt very alone and scared.
The delivery of my placenta was horrible as well, like you the doctor had to basically go in after it and it was easily the worst pain of my life. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Huge hugs to you. Be kind of yourself, it is a long painful process, but we will all get thru it. We'll never get over it though.
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
Due with baby boy # 2 in May 2016
DD #1 born January 2014
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12