Foster Sibling Perspective

Re: Foster Sibling Perspective

• Ranita

  December 2008

  Thanks for posting.  I can tell your parents must have done a great job including you and your brother in the process and also just in family dynamic if fostering is also something that you and your dh plan to do.

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• 2bWednDec

  December 2008

  wow.. thanks for this!! I'm dying to know if you ever felt sad because of your foster siblings getting more attention just because they are fosterkids.  I always treat all kids equal but when we're in public, I can't stop outsiders from giving my fosterkids more attention - it adds a lot of stress to me.

   Also, what was it like for you when they left your home (the ones that were there a long time)?

  Thanks again!

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• marrymemylove member

  December 2008

  We're interested in foster kids (in fact adopting through the foster care system). I am not keen to have another baby because the first year of DS's life was really distinctly ordinary for all concerned. I'd like to foster and maybe adopt.

  I'm interested in how old you were (and your brother) when your parents started fostering and how each foster child fitted in to the age order (so did you go from being the eldest to the second youngest)?

  ?My best friend here (I don't live in the US anymore) had a foster brother from when she was about 11 and her youngest brother was about 5. The foster brother was a year older than she was (and she's the eldest of 4 bio children). She said that worked really well and really they adopted him in all but legalities... he had quite a bit to do with his natural brother (who was fostered separately and less successfully) but nothing really to do with his parents for the rest of his childhood.

  But our situation would be a bit different because DS would be an only child probably when we fostered. Maybe he'd have 1 sibling (like you had). So I'm interested in whether the age vis-a-vis the biological kids and foster kids makes a difference. Also whether your parents had more than 1 foster child at any time or just sequential. My friend's family just had the 1 but they had him from 12 to 18, in fact they refer to his newborn daughter as their granddaughter and his wife as their daughter in law!?

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• KHoekstra

  December 2008

  I never felt any jealousy towards them out in public or at home, but my family was good about making sure we were all individuals so we weren't being compared to each other. ?It was hardest for me when they went to see their parents and came back soaked in pee or something, that created a lot of stress (and of course paperwork!) in our family.

  As far as when they left, this was hardest for me when they had been there for a long time. ?I always knew however that the siblings we had were going to leave so that helped. ?We got to help them pick toys they would take with them too so it was almost like being able to give them a going away gift. ?The two siblings we had for over 2 years I was very sad that we didn't adopt. ?At the time I wasn't old enough to understand why my parents let them go. ?I'm actually currently trying to find them to get back in touch but it's not easy.

  We had foster kids when I was from the ages of 5-9 and my brother was 7-11. ?Usually they were younger than me but we had a few who were older than my brother. ?We never had any that fell between us. ?The older ones were harder but only because they were rougher kids. ?One girl had to be relocated b/c she basically beat me up. ?Even with that though I've never had really negative memories or perceptions of the whole process overall. ?She was quickly re-placed and I was fine with it b/c I understood she had a lot of stresses in her life.

  Let me know if you have any more questions!?

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• Temp146997687502158

  December 2008

  I also was a bio kid of a foster family. We took in kids starting when I was 3yrs old (4 siblings from Vietnam). We had 40-50 kids living there from my age 3-age 25. Mostly troubled teen girls. We did have one baby who was adopted at 3mo. to another family. I may have an alternate perspective as well. Interesting to hear from other bio kids, as I felt sort of isolated in my situation.

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