moms of difficult babies...

aklawrence1 · May 2013

Can any moms with a difficult baby tell me when this gets better? I've been blessed with a handful. While I love her more than anything, I can't wait for this to get a little easier. She's been difficult from the beginning. For the first month, I had to sleep holding her. She still doesn't nap well anywhere but someone's arms. I know that all babies have bad days, but they are in the minority. Our good days are the minority. It's not that our days are bad, they're just not great... If that makes sense. She still isn't interested in anything for longer than 15ish minutes. She's fussy most of the time. I was really hoping that once we got her tummy issues taken care of, she would be better, and it has been to an extent... But I see babies that are only fussy when hungry, wet, etc. and happy the rest of the time, that like to swing, or sit in the bouncy seat or jumperoo, or play on the activity mat or that will just sit content... And that is so not Ava.

So. How much longer does the difficult stage last? When will she be more relaxed? Any experiences or advice? TIA.

ETA. Can I just say how guilty I feel posting this? I don't want to complain about her, she's my world and I wouldn't trade her for anything. I can't imagine life without her. Her smiles and giggles melt my heart. I wouldn't want any other baby, I just feel like an awful mom.

Mason&Mama · May 2013

DS1 was an extremely high maintenance baby... he cried all the time, had feeding issues, never slept, etc. Right around 6 months is when he magically changed into what I then considered a "normal" baby. He still wasn't a great sleeper, and he still had his rough days, but we started to have more good days than bad days. Now I consider him a great toddler.

DS2 is also a challenging baby in many ways. I am hoping that 6 month mark is magic for us again.

Mason&Mama · May 2013

PrivacyWanted:
DD was really high needs and colicky. It was seriously so draining I swore we had to be 1 and done. I even sold off most of our newborn gear. Then it started to get better. We'd have a good day every few days. Then one day around 6 months I realized we were having more good days than bad. As she grew and got a personality it was and is FUN to be around her. Edited to add because I hit submit too soon. .... It's OK to say it's hard and you're not a fan. But know it will get better. I obviously took back my 1 and done stance. And take some time by yourself too. You'll be refreshed and ready to deal again. Finally most babies aren't interested in anything very long. Heck DD is almost 3 and still has very little attention span

I didn't read your post until after posting my reply, but I love that we both found 6 months to be the turning point. We even described it as more good days than bad. Maybe it IS a magical age.

babyhannah2013 · May 2013

I can totally relate. I felt exactly the same way for the first two months. Luckily for me, it got better after the second month. My LO still has her bad moments, especially everyday after 4pm..but I have learned to cope with things better. I have to remind myself to cherish every moment because it will not last forever. As bad as today is, once the day is over, you will never get it back. This too will pass and it will get better. You are not alone, many moms experience the same feelings. Stay positive!

zonagirlie · May 2013

I don't have much in the way of advice but make sure you take breaks. It's okay to call in reinforcements and say you're tired. Take a spa day, get a coffee and a pedicure even. Make sure you don't get too worn out. Things will get better!

momofmanyinthemitten · May 2013

It was 5.5 mos for DD, but reading about the different baby personalities in The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems was a game changer for us. FWIW, DD is a very easy toddler, but is still sensitive she's a "touchy " baby.

drpayne · May 2013

First of all, don't feel guilty. It's HARD. DS was colicky and had severe reflux. He was miserable and so were we. I think 6 months was the turning point for us, too. The first few months made us question having more kids. He's still a handful because he's 2 but he's sweet and sleeps 12 hours at night. DS2 seems to be more laid back by the day and it is crazy how different they are. We really didnt leave the house for months with our first and this one is content to sit in a restaurant, etc. Hang in there!!

BLPL101 · May 2013

Do not for a second feel guilty for posting this!!!! You are completely allowed to vent, especially here. Yesterday was probably the worst day I've had since DD was born. DH was gone all day offroading with his friends and I just cried most of the day because it was so BAD. DD has TERRIBLE reflux. I mean it's ridiculous. She projectile vomits probably 10 times or more a day.

this decaf life · May 2013

I'm right there with you! I'm so tired of a good night meaning I got 3 hours straight of sleep. Last night was all 2-2.5 hours at a time and she's spent much of the morning crying! I'm just saying it's "Mother's Day" because there's not much happy here today!

Mostly joking but I really thought because she napped well yesterday we would get a better night! Don't feel bad, doesn't make us awful moms!

ETA I also don't think you should try to pressure yourself to cherish every moment. I don't and you know what, not forcing myself to soak in every moment is probably the only chance DD has of getting a sibling. I need to forget a lot of these nights in order to just enjoy her smiles. When I'm BFing her at 11, 2, 5, 7 I'm not enjoying it, nor do I think I should have to. I would much rather her be sleeping and I don't feel the slightest amount of guilt saying it

PatchChild · May 2013

My son was a very, very, very high needs baby. Only happy when you carried him around outside, facing out in a carrier. Fighting sleep like crazy, super short naps, just frustrating.

It gets better!!

my about six months we were a little mo into routine. By a year he was more independent. By the time he could talk we were pretty much ok.

now, he is the best almost six year old I could imagine. He's super independent, smart, funny.

TaylersMommy · May 2013

Aww, I so feel for you! My girl was an absolute nightmare of a baby one could def say. Would not sleep without a boob in her mouth for the first 7 months of her life, could not be put down without progressing to screaming within about a minute, EVERYTHING about her was difficult! While I am cetainly not trying to be preachy, what truly helped our frustration was that out of necessity (due to her ridiculous high needs) we had become very AP with our parenting decisions and style, so I think we both had adapted to her "spirited" demeanor. For example, she would not fall asleep without being on the breast, so we created a safe bed sharing environment and chose to just "give in" to her needs. I should add that I'm not suggesting anyone do this, sleep environments are a very individual and personal decision, it just happens to make our lives a ton easier. Once I stopped resenting her for not being an easy, heck, even a "reasonable" (lol) baby, I was more accepting of the sweet baby I had (although she still acted cranky and miserable most of the time). Here's some positive reassurance: It seems we "paid our dues" during her babyhood, she was the EASIEST toddler. Only one memorable tantrum, potty trained quickly and seemingly effortlessly just before she turned 2, slept all night in her toddler bed. I had an angel of a toddler. It reeeaaallly does end!

Side note: I thought after DD that I deserved a "good" baby with DS. Hah! He has been even more difficult (if you can believe that). Arrived at 28 weeks, came home from the NICU on a ton of meds, was really painfully slow to gain weight, same "boob behaviour" as DD (*sigh), doesn't nap, has horrible separation anxiety, the works. We are in the trenches with you!

Hang in there! My hoping for a repeat angelic toddlerhood is all that keeps me going (oh, and coffee).

TaylersMommy · May 2013

Just realized I failed to mention DS' awful reflux and the nightmare that is

MichelleEZcheck · May 2013

Don't feel bad- it *is* hard with a high needs baby!

Our first three months were really rough- it seemed that the only time he wasn't screaming or crying was when he was asleep. But he only slept for 30 to 60 minutes at a time. Nothing seemed to make him happy- he was miserable when he was eating, he always had to be held- DH and I spent hours at a time at night pacing the floor, trying to calm him just to get him to sleep for an hour if we were lucky. I ended up sleeping in the recliner with him on my chest for weeks because it was the only way I got any meaningful sleep at all. He had acid reflux and even though he was on Zantac, would often wake up gagging. It got so bad that my parents would take him for us overnight about once a week so we could get one guaranteed night of uninterrupted sleep.

And then about 3 1/2 months into it, I noticed that there started to be more good days than bad days and that he was a lot more smiley. Now he's a fairly content baby- we can have him sit in his jumperoo or bumpo for a while and he's content looking around or playing with his hands for a while before he gets fussy. He loves to smile and laugh and we're now realizing how much darn fun he is to be around and how much we enjoy him.

That "switch" seems to flip at different times for each baby- I hope yours happens soon. In the meantime: hugs!

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