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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
kellopes
member
How to deal with baby crazy overly excited MIL
kellopes
member
Hi guys, this is not another I hate my MIL post, because I really don't, I actually really like her and we always had a great relationship.
My problem is she is way over her head when it comes to my DD, her first and so far only grandchild.
I understand she is excited and all, but I just can't stand some things like calling my baby her daughter or referring her self as mommy when talking to my little one.
The other day, she was staying over and I swear to God she came in my bedroom, where I was sleeping with my husband and in the middle of breastfeeding my baby at 7 am because she heard her crying and said: " I think she doesn't want to sleep anymore, I'll take her" ( Um excuse me, yes she does want to sleep, she sleeps with me till 9:30am everyday, no you are not taking her.....)
Or how when I'm changing or bathing her she stands literally stuck to my shoulder sticking her hand on what I'm doing, really annoying.....
Or telling me what I should or shouldn't do because her friend said so... huh?
Yesterday she said she wanted to buy her a dress for a party we have in 2 weeks, I had to ask her not to, because she has a closet full of beautiful dresses that she never wore, because we never got the chance, so it's going to be a waste of money. Besides I wanna be able to choose my own daughter's outfit dammit, we never get to go out, so when we do I wanna doll her up not feel forced into dressing her into a new dress just cause grandma chose it. (does it make sense or am I being paranoid?)
My mom said it shall pass, that it's just because it's all so new, but it scarers me that it will get worse as she grows and honestly I don't know how to deal with the annoyance and jealousy that I'm feeling... I know I'm the mom and no one will ever take my place but it doesn't stop me from feeling it.
Is anyone dealing with something similar? Please let me hear your thoughts if you know a good way to deal with it.
I honestly don't wanna ruin our relationship or hurt her in anyway.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How to deal with baby crazy overly excited MIL
I always find it really odd when grandmas refer to themselves as their grandchildren's "mom" instead of their grandma. If you want another kid of your own so bad, why don't you adopt? My mom loves being Grandma.
I agree with PPs; you or your DH need to have a gentle but honest conversation with her about what your are and are not comfortable with her doing/saying. It might be a little awkward at first, but your baby is yours, not hers, and you get to decide what is okay and what isn't. She had her chance with her kids; it is selfish of her not to allow you the same privileges.
Does she live next door or something? Stop having her over so often/lock your doors!
Seriously, my mother was a little too involved also and lived in the same town. We stopped answering the phone and door so often.
My MIL was going overboard right after I gave birth too. She was lecturing me on how DD should be in he crib from day one and I should be sleeping in me and DHs room so he could get used to me getting up all night before he went back to work - I was sleeping on the couch and DD was in the PnP right next to me. She literally cornered me one time too many and I told her thanks again for the advice but we were gonna do what we felt was right. It's the only time I've been short in my delivery but it hadn't even been 2 weeks pp and my hormones had me all over the place and I couldn't take her saying "You need to listen to me and do what I say..." anymore. She was standoffish for about a week after but no problems since then.
Make your point, and if you can do it nicer than I did even better. She has to understand that this is your LO and you'll parent the way you see fit.
I understand she is excited and all, but I just can't stand some things like calling my baby her daughter or referring her self as mommy when talking to my little one.
This would be WAY too far for me. Like Hand That Rocks The Cradle type of s***.
You have to draw the line somewhere with grandparents, and the longer you let it go on the harder it will be to get her to stop. Let her know you are glad she lovers her GRANDkid, but that LO needs to sleep and be with her parents.
Pump the brakes.
I would effing lose it if anyone referred to my son as their son (other than my FI) or called themselves Mommy to him. In no way, shape or form is that ever okay and would that ever fly. Have you called her out on this? I would.
The only way that you're going to ruin your relationship with her is if you continue to allow these feelings to build until you explode, or start to feel a lot of resentment. It's better to voice your feelings now. I'd just have a light hearted chat, "mother to mother."
Im having similar issues with my MIL - and my girls aren't even born yet (sorry..lurking on here in anticipation of the twins getting here!) She's bought them so many clothes that I had to return some of the things I bought because there was no way we would be able to get use out of it all. She's even bought them clothes all the way up to 2T...no...I'm not kidding.
Good luck... I'm sure it'll get better...atleast I hope so!