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Relationship with DH

amb04006amb04006 member
in Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Do any of you feel completely differently towards your SO since baby was born? I have the best DH ever, and I'm extremely lucky to have him. All through the pregnancy I adored him as usual and wanted sex like normal. Since DS was born, all I ever feel towards him is anger, and I want nothing to do with anything sexual. I flip out on him for literally everything, and I don't even want to kiss or hug him. I feel so completely out of sync with him.

I knew things would be different once DS was here, but I didn't expect THIS. I can't even talk to him about what's wrong because I don't understand it myself. Is this just hormones? I'm 7 weeks post partum. Someone please tell me you've been through this and that it gets better! It's obviously taking a toll on our normally amazing relationship.

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Re: Relationship with DH

  • laujam31laujam31 member
    I'm sorry you are feeling so confused.  Maybe the best thing would be to mention it to your dr.  If it is significant enough that you can't speak to your SO about it, maybe it warrants a call.  Good luck.
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  • mnj05mnj05 member
    I am 10 weeks pp and understand you completely. It's the same thing for me except DH and I had a talk last night. Part of my not wanting anything sexual is the fact that it hurts and I get nothing out of it. He's been wanting it more for two reasons, we haven't had it regularly in almost a year the end of this month marks a year due to IVF and other issues and also he's stressed at work and that helps him apparently. I don't ask him to stay inside in the evenings out of fear he'll get upset about not being able to do what he wants but he told me baby comes first and he's happy to help or even give me an hour alone.

    I think with this talk and him understanding where I'm coming from, although I don't understand it all either, and me learning that he really will do whatever I want/need things will get better. Nobody told me this was a possibility either and it sucks. Try to talk to him but tell him up front things may come out wrong or sound horrible and you may not necessarily mean them that way. I thought we had good communication but it seems it needed to get even better and that might be part of your issue.

     imagePhotobucket

    TTC #1 since 3/2011
    DX: anovulatory and severe MFI
    DH is a testicular cancer survivor
    IVF#1 w/ICSI lupron, gonal f, ovidrel
    ER 6/15/12 6R 6M 6F! ET 6/20/12
    Beta #1: 154 Beta #2: 509 Beta #3: 7326
    Baby Boy born 3/1/2013
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    TTC#2: 6/2014 all testing came back normal

    IVF#2 (#1 for LO#2) 9/2014 - 17R 10M 10F 4 blasts frozen on day 6.

    FET #1 10/15/14 - Beta #1: 216  Beta #2: 823


    Baby Boy born 7/10/2015


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  • rjeller32rjeller32 member

    I went through this with DD1, and I had to sit my DH down and word vomit out all of my emotions. It was a train wreck, but after a couple of hours, we worked everything out.

    I think for me I just automatically resented him because he may have been a part of the baby making, but he didn't have to feed our LO, or get up in the MOTN. He worked and was going to school, and I was at home with a baby. It was like I was blaming him for all of the opportunities I was missing by having a baby. I was jealous almost, and by the time DD was 3 months old, I was taking all of my emotions and drinking them away (after baby was put on formula). It was horrible, we split up for a few weeks, and then I finally confided in him. It was the hardest thing our relationship had ever been through, but now 2 years later we are a very strong couple.

    It can be hard to tell your s/o the idea of sex is even horrible, but if you bottle it up, it will only get worse. Talk to your doc, talk to a friend, and talk to your DH. It will get better, if you take the steps to make it better. He can't help to fix your emotions if he has no idea it's going on...

    I hope it all works out, but it does get easier, I swear.

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  • jkuhmannjkuhmann member
    This happened to my best friend; turns out she had PPD.  I think it warrants a call to your doc, just to make sure.

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  • kelliejo74kelliejo74 member
    I don't think you just change your feelings towards your husband overnite. PLEASE call your DR. You owe it to yourself. Hang in there!!
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  • buffyverrban1buffyverrban1

    Every mom I know (including me) went through this when their LO was was born. 

    I also have a wonderful husband, but I felt like I HATED him after LO was born. It was a combination of hormones, feeling overwhelmed and comparing my love for him to my love for LO (which was so much more than anything I had ever felt before.)

    If it gets really bad, call your doctor or see a counsellor. It could be PPD or just something you need to talk through. I saw a therapist because mine took a long time to go away. (I stopped hating him, but I didn't want to touch or have sex with him) I figured out that I was viewing him as a threat to my daughter. I felt like he didn't love her as much as I did and that she was going to feel that growing up. Once I figured it out, it was much easier to move on. We are much happier now!

    The important thing is to put effort into your relationship, because it's easy to push it aside when you are a new mommy!! Good luck!

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