socialization?

jja0812 · May 2013

First off I want to say that we really love our pediatrician. He is from Nigeria and his bedside manner is quite different from what I'm used to, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. He is very blunt and will ask you to explain your decisions... not in a bad way, but just to see what your reasons are. I know a lot of moms who dislike him for this reason, but he's never been rude to me, and I actually don't mind being challenged a little because I am confident in the decisions we make for our family. Sorry, I'm probably rambling, but I feel like that's relevant.

Anyway, when the ped first visited us in the hospital, he asked what our plans were for daycare, and I told him I was going to SAH. He said that there is nothing wrong with being a working mom, to which I basically responded "of course not, but this is what I want to do." He left it alone, but it has come up at each well visit since then. I do think it is standard for them to ask about caretakers and socialization, so I'm not really offended or anything. But I'm beginning to wonder if he thinks I am doing Julian a disservice by staying home with him. We live in a small rural town and there aren't a ton of things to do, but I take advantage of everything I can. He is socialized with other kids at least three days a week: church on Sunday, Mom's Day Out on Tuesday, and play group on Thursday. We also go to the playground. He is very outgoing and has no trouble being dropped off in the church nursery, at MDO, or with grandparents.

Still, the dr told me yesterday that he would recommend starting preschool at age 2, and thinks he will get bored if I don't. I definitely wasn't planning on doing it that early. I see his concern, but it's not like we just sit in front of the TV all day when we're at home. He WOULD get bored if that's all we did. I don't necessarily feel like the ped is pressuring me, but I wanted to see how other peds are handling this issue... particularly if you SAH, but I guess it could come up for anyone whose LO doesn't go to an actual center with other kids.

Lena122 · May 2013

FWIW, our pedi asks us at every visit if he goes to daycare and how often. Not really in a judgey way, but to collect as much info as possible.

I really don't see the need for preschool at 2 of you're doing other activities with him a few days a week. To my knowledge, many 2 year old preschool classes only meet for maybe 3 hours a day 2 or 3 days a week. So it's probably not much more socialization than what he's already getting.

HattieLove · May 2013

I have been a little worried about this. We go to playgroups sometimes, and she has music class on Tuesdays. She regularly comes to my college with me (SO watches her there, she doesn't come to class with me), so she socializes with adults on a regular basis, but I'm worried she doesn't spend enough time with kids her own age. I have very few friends with kids because I tend to dislike young mothers, and moms who are older than me tend to dismiss me because of my age (unless of course I meet them on the internet :-P )

She's going to daycare in the fall so she'll definitely be socialized there, but I feel like I need to do something this summer. I'm worried that she will not interact with other kids well unless she learns how now. I don't really know how to start though.

NatesLady1309 · May 2013

I stay at home. Her pediatrician has never asked a single question regarding her socialization that I can recall. I don't even know that she's for sure aware that I SAH. I do see how it's important that we get out LOs out of the house and around others (especially other kids) for sure, but I find it odd that this would be something that the ped would bring up, but that could just be because of my experience. I don't think it's bad for them to bring it up, but I do think it would be bad if you felt pressure like it seems you are saying you are. It sounds like you are doing quite a bit of socialization with your LO to me so IMO you're fine doing what you are and there's no need to start preschool at age 2 if you didn't want to... I do think that suggestion is a little over the top.

suitern · May 2013

I think as long as you are socializing him and continue to do so like you are, you are fine. I would feel differently maybe if I had an overly shy child and they seemed to have issues being left or with socialization. L is socialized 3-4 days per week and I completely agree with you that I don't think he needs to be put in preschool at at 2. Now, we are planning to TTC this fall and come the spring time, I may put him in preschool or a MOD program so I can spend time with number 2 and have something for L to do himself...plus give me a break!

hizah05 · May 2013

NatesLady1309:
I stay at home. Her pediatrician has never asked a single question regarding her socialization that I can recall. I don't even know that she's for sure aware that I SAH. I do see how it's important that we get out LOs out of the house and around others especially other kids for sure, but I find it odd that this would be something that the ped would bring up, but that could just be because of my experience. I don't think it's bad for them to bring it up, but I do think it would be bad if you felt pressure like it seems you are saying you are. It sounds like you are doing quite a bit of socialization with your LO to me so IMO you're fine doing what you are and there's no need to start preschool at age 2 if you didn't want to... I do think that suggestion is a little over the top.nbsp;

This. It's never been mentioned by our pedi.

MollySm · May 2013

I think as long as you are making a conscious effort to have them around other little kids, (playdates, library, classes, church, playground, whatever), there's absolutely no reason a kid needs to be in preschool at age 2.

The little one I nanny started 2 days a week at age 2, but that's only because she's super social, and they thought she'd really like it (which she does). Not because she couldn't be engaged at home. I think people these days are in a big hurry for kids to grow up, and I don't think it's necessary. Full day Kindergarten will be a little bit of a shock to the system if a kid has never been away from mom, so we won't wait that long to do anything apart, but as long as you're careful to give exposure to different things, I think it's wonderful for a little one to be with mom.

MollySm · May 2013

I also think you don't have to agree with your pediatrician on everything, as long as you feel comfortable telling them what you are doing and why. If you feel like you might be pushed into something you aren't comfortable with, then I'd consider a different doctor. But it sounds like you like this guy, and there's no reason you have to agree with him on everything.

karleegirl · May 2013

I think preschool is so overdone now. Its getting pushed as a necessity at younger and younger ages. Jess I think your lo is getting plenty of interaction.
All of my sahm friends use preschool it more as a break for them more than anything.

goldenleaves · May 2013

That's the kind f bedside manner I would love!

FWIW our son played with other kids only at church on Sundays so we started him in an early young threes program last fall. He has really come out of his shell and it was the right decision for us!

We won't do that for Lauren simply because she will start 4 days a week preschool in the SpEd classroom at age 3 and that's the soonest I'm willing to let her leave me for any length of time!

jja0812 · May 2013

Sorry I am just now getting back to this thread. Thank you all so much for your input!

Starbuck - I won't disagree with you that our ped seems to lean anti-SAHM. I do feel like he is still respectful of our decision (though I can see why you might disagree with that) and has Julian's best interest at heart. I wouldn't hesitate to change doctors if I didn't think that!

Klutzygirl - It does seem like the judgement usually falls on the other side! It just goes to show that no matter what decisions we make as parents, someone will have something to say about it!

Molly - I agree with what you said about not having to agree with the ped on everything, as long as there is mutual respect.

Karlee - "I think preschool is so overdone now. Its getting pushed as a necessity at younger and younger ages." Yes! Agreed! I think it can be a good thing, and I'm not against it at all, but I definitely don't think it's a NECESSITY as long as the child is being socialized and educated age-appropriately.

I really appreciate everyone's input on this! I think I will do as ninthgirl said and just kind of gloss over this part, as long as it doesn't become an "issue". We really love our doctor... he has gone above and beyond for us since day one, both medically and emotionally.

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