When is comfort nursing too much?

sapphire021 · May 2013

Hi all, FTM here...
My LO is 6 weeks and we have been EBF, with DH giving her a bottle at night time. LO has become very dependent on comfort nursing, and wants to be attached to me 24/7. If I even hand her off to DH to use the bathroom, she gets upset. At night time after her bottle, she cries for me. DH spends almost an hour trying every other thing in the book to calm her but nothing works. As soon as I put her to breast, she is asleep almost immediately. I know they nurse very frequently this young, I have a pretty good grasp on when she is eating, and when she is comfort nursing. She needs to nurse to sleep, and if she wakes up, she screams for me. I feel like my boobs are held hostage. What am I doing wrong? How do I get it so she can feel okay with her daddy? And so she can sleep alone in her bassinet without being attached to me? I understand she is still very young, I want to comfort her, but when is it too much? I left the house once since giving birth and she cried the whole 2 hours with DH until I returned (he had a bottle of expressed milk available).

Any help is appreciated, this is my first baby and therefore first time BF so I have a lot to learn... TIA!

Angela814 · May 2013

Sounds a lot like my baby. She spends pretty much the whole morning attached to me. We bed share at night, although I'm starting to try the basinet. She did sleep in it for 2 hours a few nights ago, but she had been asleep in my arms for probably an hour when I layed her down. She's starting to take a paci sometimes. Have you tried that yet?

I wish I had some advise. I've found that my high demand newborns became relatively easy babies and toddlers. I'm hoping that holds true for DD3.

SidraJedi · May 2013

Your DD sounds similar to mine. I had the same questions last week. The answers as far as I can tell are that babies need the comfort of you and your breast.

All she's known is nine months of being part of you and only six weeks of being her own self. She needs those intimate moments nursing with you to remember the comforting feeling of what it was like when the two of you were one. Some babies need more comfort nursing than others, probably because they are more sensitive deep down.

There is nothing wrong with a baby who can only comfort nurse to sleep or the first few months of life, they will teach comfort to themselves soon enough.

Also, research shows that children who are well comforted when they cry for it tend to be more secure and independent as toddlers, children and adults. Basically, if you comfort her now, she will need less from you later. This seems to be echoed in PP's experience.

Lastly, babies love Daddies but the most comforting thing for babies only comes from Mommies.

DH can play with DD when she is feeling playful or help with diapers, etc. but ultimately, when she is in a bad mood, she wants Mommy.

Its hard for me too sometimes. I get so worn out ( and I remember those "jokes" and friendly warnings about "fourth-mester") I've thought many times about a paci. Tho I haven't completely thrown out the idea I can't bring myself to do it because I feel like I would be tricking her. She trusts me so completely. I want to give her what she asks for. Sure, it is my body, but for nine months it was hers too and I can understand that that would take months rather than weeks to adjust to and I don't want to risk a smooth transition if I can help it.

I suggest this article from KellyMom. Remember that this time with her now is a drop in the bucket compared to the rest of your lives and GL!

kleigh926 · May 2013

I could not do the constant comfort nursing thing, and I don't think it's necessary either. Yes, babies have a need to suck, but it doesn't need to be a boob. Try a pacifier. As long as you don't use it when DD is actually hungry, it's totally fine.

sapphire021 · May 2013

I do agree with all of the benefits from comfort nursing. But right now, I can't leave my couch. And I have to return to work in a month, I am really worried about how she is going to react when I am suddenly gone for over 9 hours a day. I almost think I need to "wean" her from comfort nursing before we get to that time. It makes me sad to think about it! She refuses to take a pacifier. So even if I wanted to use it, she won't have it.
I guess I am becoming most concerned about when I need to start leaving the house without her. As much as I love the bonding time, I can't keep her latched 24/7...

SkyBee · May 2013

LOL to a pp...... if only we all had time to comfort nurse all day!

OP: your LO will be just fine with a paci when you can't nurse for comfort. With twins and a toddler I barely have time to get everyone fed and changed and I doubt my LOs are going to be messed up because they spend time in swings with a paci in their mouth.

SidraJedi · May 2013

sapphire021:
I do agree with all of the benefits from comfort nursing. But right now, I can't leave my couch. And I have to return to work in a month, I am really worried about how she is going to react when I am suddenly gone for over 9 hours a day. I almost think I need to "wean" her from comfort nursing before we get to that time. It makes me sad to think about it! She refuses to take a pacifier. So even if I wanted to use it, she won't have it.
I guess I am becoming most concerned about when I need to start leaving the house without her. As much as I love the bonding time, I can't keep her latched 24/7...

When I leave the house with DD (which I have been doing since she was 6 days old) I nurse her to sleep and then put her in her carseat. She stays asleep for at least an hour before she is ready to eat again, sometimes two hours or more. She usually needs a diaper change, a quick comfort nurse and we are on our way again in 20-30 minutes. So if I am still out, I just fidn a place I feel comfortable changing and nursing her. It works for us.

Far be t from me to decide what works for you and your little one, but if me and my LO were in the same boat as you and yours, I wouldn't give her a paci when she was with me, but buy one for her other caregivers to offer her. I wouldn't think she would need to "get used to it" before going into daycare or being sat for. Many caregivers will find something that works for them and your baby. If nursing works for you, do it, there is nothing wrong with it (your post is titled when is comfort nursing too much). If it doesn't work for you, a paci might.

To PP who LOL at me. Sorry if I struck a nerve, no where did I say or mean to imply that anyone who uses a paci is in danger of "messing up" their child I had a paci and I have issues but I doubt they are from having a paci when I was a kid.

Edit: OP, I just realized you said leaving the house without her. Sorry, I guess the first part of my reply isn't relevant.

bubblewrapjk · May 2013

Other people have good tips. I will add, my baby was like yours and slept on me day and night and comfort nursed for hours at a time. She is now 7 months, and loves her daddy. So right now, your little one needs you! Daddy can help her by helping get you food and drinks, make you more comfortable while nursing, maybe taking baby for a walk while you shower or nap? If he wears her in a moby or other baby carrier, she may fall asleep, and lots of babies like being outside. Good luck to you.

Danni7535 · May 2013

My baby was attached to me around the clock those first three months, then the curtain lifted. Now he's really fast at nursing and really doesn't comfort nurse. He's gaining like a champ too. My point is everything is temporary. Let him comfort nurse when you can. It's good for him and your supply, and it wont last forever. When you can't, you can try a paci, but mine wanted nothing to do with them.

pinkpinot · May 2013

This was my baby too and when I'm sure he's full, I have DH hold him and offer a pacifier. At first he would make a hilarious face like we just put poison in his mouth but now he'll happily suck for a bit and gives me a break to shower, clean and make dinner. I honestly wish I had tried the paci weeks ago. I didn't regularly offer until last week. I'm using the MAM brand. The paci also helps DH feel confident that he can soothe LO. And it's nice to know I can leave his side for a bit when needed. Hang in there Momma, I keep telling myself nothing lasts forever and this won't either.

OhSewCrafty · May 2013

AmyG*:
During the first few weeks comfort nursing is really really important to babies. It reassures them like nothing else.

Their brain development is such that they do not realize that they are a separate being from mom. It's like mom is a part of baby, and if mom isn't there, it's like baby has their arm missing or something and some babies really freak out about it. nursing at the breast is how baby reattaches to their mom.

Realize that what we call comfort nursing is non-nutritive sucking. However, even when baby is barely nursing, there will be continued smaller and smaller let downs of high fat and calorie hindmilk, especially important when they are trying to tank up right before bed for a longer sleep at night. That's part of the reason giving a bottle at night before bed can be a problem, baby doesn't get the chance to fully empty the breast to get to that lucious hindmilk to keep them full longer and tank up before bed and sleep longer.

It is really important that you step back and take a deep breathe and relax. How baby acts at daycare will be totally different than how they act at home.

Right now baby is 6 weeks, probably going thru the 6 week growth spurt and nursing non-stop and comfort nursing and cluster feeding is very important. Trying to move away from constant nursing during a growth spurt will be mighty difficult as well as not good for supply and your own mental health. As baby gets older, and a month from now is eons older when you are talking about newborns, they'll be able to see the separation between themselves and moms a bit, they'll realize their is more to their world than being attached to mom and they'll usually be more apt to accept a pacifier or other comforting from someone who is not mom.

But right now at only 6 weeks of age, all baby knows and all baby wants to know is mom. Give her mom as much as you can stand it.

I love how you explain things. :-)

kreeper611 · May 2013

No real advice on the comfort nursing, but don't forget they typically have a growth spurt at 6 weeks. I remember with DS feeling chained to the sofa for some of the growth spurts. As soon as I would feel like I'd reach the end of my rope, he would stop.

opaque1997 · May 2013

I'd try a binky personally... But fyi some babies really like you as a binky..

Either way we tried the bottle at night thing and it didn't work.. Something about night time and my lo needed me.. So I found another time to get a break and let her nurse at night. We did start trying to get her to go to sleep without me around six weeks during the day and we started a nighttime routine which still let her nurse to sleep for bed

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