- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Special Needs
Assembly_Reqd
member
Help me with this behavior....
Assembly_Reqd
member
before I go B.S.C.
Every meal ends up on the floor. He will upend his plate when he has determined he is finished. He knows food has to stay on the table. He knows this. Yet, he does it at every.damn.meal. I cannot turn my back for one single second.
Timeouts are a joke. We discuss table rules. I make him help me clean it up.
This child does not 'get' consequences. at.all. I am tired of losing my shi!t over spilt food. I am tired of cleaning it up. Please help me make it stop.
Signed,
Losing My Sh!t in Maryland
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help me with this behavior....
Can you remove his plate before he dumps it? Does he show signs that he's done before he spills his plate? Playing with the food, maybe? In our house, if food was thrown on the floor I would say, "okay, I guess you're not hungry," and the meal was over. They would usually throw an experimental piece or two before dumping the whole plate, so I had a bit of warning.
I guess I'd just try to head him off before he dumps the plate, offer to take it away for him when it looks like he's done. Sorry, that's the best I've got
Is there any way he can let you know when he's determined he's finished. Chris used to push his plate off his high chair tray until we taught him to say 'no more' So when he's done eating he will say 'no more' and we will clear his tray.
Sorry I can't offer anything more than that.
{{hugs}}
Thanks. There is no warning. I want to give him the independence of self feeding, but I am getting to the point where the going backl to the high chair and scattering the food on the tray is looking mighty attractive.
I am just so frustrated because it is a daily messy reminder that my kid is not like other 3.5 year olds. He acts more like he's 1.5.
Hey - Losing mine in Indiana! You described all our meals - cereal isn't much of an option anymore due to almond milk in the hair before "school."
DD does this, she knows "all done" both sign and words; does he know when he is hungry or can he answer that question?
DD has food issues as well; she does not know when she is hungry or how to communicate it other than ask for her bannana in the morning - so maybe she doesn't know what her tummy is telling her brain.
I take away her plate before hand if I can but I can't get a plate and a hand, let a lone eat at the same time. So I get where you are frustrated because you shouldn't have to follow the cues if they know not to do something. She laughs at time out too and will say "yea" when asked if she wants a time out. She laughs litterally in the face of "danger" - you know oncoming traffic, water safety, etc. Praying OT can do wonders over in the midwest. Good luck!
I would probably try to avoid going back to the high chair, but could you serve him on a placemat (maybe something that sticks to the table?) vs. a plate for awhile? Would he be motivated to "earn" the use of a plate if you took it away and talked it up?
Or possibly put very small amounts on the plate at a time so that at least you're not cleaning up a huge mess as you work on the behavior?
I'm sorry, that would drive me batty, too. DD2 went through a phase where she liked throwing her food on the floor when she was done and I was so frustrated -- and thankful that we have dogs. :P
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
Good idea! They have those sticky ones at restaurants, I never thought that the plate could be parental ammo; good thinking!
I dont think he would get earning a plate.
The timeouts are just a fun thing for him because he enjoys how often he gets put back into the chair during the 2-3 minute session. There's a whole lotta giggling goin on and it ain't me. That was the lunch fun earlier.
I think I just need to sit right in his face during meals. Today's dinner incident was when DH called at 6:20 to tell me he was running late. Really huh? I think I can tell time and make that deduction my own. In the two seconds I went to answer the phone the dish got dumped.
Honestly, he is really good. It's me who just doesn't have ANY extra bandwidth for behavioral challenges. All of my patience gets used up by dr appointments, audiologists, school assessments,etc, etc. I know you all get it.
MIL called the other night right after another plate dump and I was so upset, but when I stopped to explain why Nate was being so bad, I sounded like some sort of uptight biotch. When putting the situation into words I honestly felt like I was making a mountain out of a molehill. She as all " oh he's been a bad boy all day huh?" and I was like "well, not really, just the plate dump"
My level of upset does not match the crime. at all.
Straw & camel's back, though. Those daily reminders are hard. It might not seem like much for someone who isn't coping with all of the other things that go along with the plate dump, but something small like that can just be that thing that becomes everything in a microcosm and you want to push so hard to make it work so that freaking ONE THING can be normal. (Can you tell I've done that?)
I would still take the plate away for awhile and using a sticky placemat. Fighting this battle is stressing you out, so change the game instead of fighting it. Maybe taking the "fun" away will take away the novelty, and you can come back to it when he's matured a little more and/or it's no longer interesting.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
I agree that it's straw/camel. You've got enough other things to frustrate you - I expect you just want this (something!) to be easy. At least that's how I feel much of the time.
I'd stay with the plate for now and just significantly reduce the amount of food you put on it at once if that will bother you less. Eventually this too will pass.
I know you already got lots of advice
It really sounds like he's enjoying your reaction, and it's kind of turning into a game. I would stop doing timeouts and don't show how frustrated you are when the plate dumping happens. He knows it gets your attention, you know? I agree that you should try sitting with him the whole time, and if he tosses the plate, calmly clean it up and be done with that meal. Don't get mad, keep your voice and expression neutral. If you're not giving him the payoff that he's looking for, he might lose interest.
Thanks everyone for all the suggestions. I kind of agree now that developmentlally he is too young for TOs to be effective.
I think I have too work harder at giving myself a break about what bad behavior actually is and not see it as a reflection of my parenting skills or a 'fail' on my part. It is so hard to act like a duck and let it roll off my back. In the grand scheme of things, food on the floor is small potatoes. (pun intended)
We are going to get him fully evaluated for behavior by a neuropysch in a year or so. I want to wait until some more of the developmental quirks, such as attention span and communication challenges, work themselves out.
I totally get it--- and I bet 99% of us on this board do too. You only have so much in you, ya know? And sometimes it's the smallest crap that sets me off. Only because when you have to deal with a zillion small issues all day and maybe a few larger ones--- everything matters at that point.
I think Auntie is on to something with the behavior of a 1.5-2 yr old. I have a 2 yr old right now who is "typically" developing --although does show signs of possible SPD. Meals are a huge issue. When he starts slowing down, I try to pull it away. Sometimes honestly he barely eats and he says he's "done". BUT I know if I leave the plate, it will get dumped. Even when we haven't had a plate to dump--he still throws food, so going back to the chair won't necessarily fix it.
Can you "teach" him to say "all done" or sign it instead of throwing food. He knows you react when he throws it so probably figures "why bother--she gets me". KWIM?
I'm sorry you are going through so much---((hugs))
My new "mom" blog: http://realityofamommy.blogspot.com
[img]
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/]
Notes:
Hmm. I kinda like this push the plate forward idea. I can make a big deal about doing this and he still gets to "do something" with the plate to indicate he is finished. I will give everyone suggestions a try and see where we end up.
Thanks again everyone!