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Blended Families
Lavender P
member
College questions
Lavender P
member
So the SAHM Board was talking about obligations to pay for college for your kids. I know it has been brought up here before, but I wanted to see if anyone had suggestions on how to be the most fair to all he kids.. My parents paid for myself and my siblings, and DH and I plan on making sure to save enough for our kids for college. When DH and I started dating more seriously I told him he needed to start an account for SS. That was over 5 years ago and he has yet to do it. I don't know if BM is saving for SS and I want to be able to help him out, especially since we will be helping out our DS. However, at this point he is already 10 and therefore getting 10 years less of savings because DH hasn't ever followed through with getting him an account, even though I've asked him several times. Obviously that is DH's fault and SS shouldn't be penalized for his dad not doing what he should have! DH's parents have an account for both SS and DS, as do my parents, but they both opened them recently and SS will get less because of the length of time before he turn 18 is shorter. My DS is 1 and we have an account that automatically is deposited into every time I get paid. We also put any birthday or holiday money he receives in there as well, since right now he is too young to tell us how he wants to spend it.
A part of me thinks we are obligated to give SS and DS the same amount but it is near impossible without major sacrifices as we would have to save twice as much for SS to make up for the 10 years of lost savings time. Another part of me thinks that we should only provide half and then BM can contribute what she wants if she does at all. Her parents and inlaws have a decent amount of money so they may be doing something for SS, that we don't know of. Are we obligated morally to make sure to provide both boys the same amount of money? A part of me believes we are, but another part of me says no because BM's family should be providing for part of SS's education too. I also think it shouldnt just be on us to do. BM doesn't work, which is obviously her choice whereas both DH and I do. DH makes more than enough that I could stay home, but we want to be able to pay for vacations, college, etc without having to stress. Plus, I love my job and being a SAHM would be too hard for me. We are in a better financial situation to pay for SS for college, but we could definitely do other things with the money. I want to be fair and make sure SS is provided for, but I also don't want to scrape by to give him the same amount as DS, and then his moms family is providing too, essentially getting double. This may be a moot point as SS may not even choose to go to college, at which point we would have to decide how/when to give him money we saved as I refuse to give an 18 year old a lump sum of savings. So after a lengthy explanation, I wanted to see if any of you had decided on a fair way to determine how to best to provide help if any for college for all kids in your BF.
A part of me thinks we are obligated to give SS and DS the same amount but it is near impossible without major sacrifices as we would have to save twice as much for SS to make up for the 10 years of lost savings time. Another part of me thinks that we should only provide half and then BM can contribute what she wants if she does at all. Her parents and inlaws have a decent amount of money so they may be doing something for SS, that we don't know of. Are we obligated morally to make sure to provide both boys the same amount of money? A part of me believes we are, but another part of me says no because BM's family should be providing for part of SS's education too. I also think it shouldnt just be on us to do. BM doesn't work, which is obviously her choice whereas both DH and I do. DH makes more than enough that I could stay home, but we want to be able to pay for vacations, college, etc without having to stress. Plus, I love my job and being a SAHM would be too hard for me. We are in a better financial situation to pay for SS for college, but we could definitely do other things with the money. I want to be fair and make sure SS is provided for, but I also don't want to scrape by to give him the same amount as DS, and then his moms family is providing too, essentially getting double. This may be a moot point as SS may not even choose to go to college, at which point we would have to decide how/when to give him money we saved as I refuse to give an 18 year old a lump sum of savings. So after a lengthy explanation, I wanted to see if any of you had decided on a fair way to determine how to best to provide help if any for college for all kids in your BF.
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~ Lao Tzu
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Re: College questions
We are not saving for college for any of the kids. I am currently paying for my own college. DD does have an old gerber life policy I bought for her at the age of 1 that I still pay on that has a cash out option at age 21. She can use that to payback or pay for any expenses if she wants. I did not do the same for SKs or DS because I now know that is a bad investment but I don't want to loose the money I've already paid in for DD so I continue to make the $7.81/month payment. It will only equate to about $1800 by that time. DD also has a savings account where her extra CS money goes into.
Supposedly DD's paternal grandparents have a savings account for her that they put money in. I have never seen or heard any balance information on it.
DD is probably in the best position. It just worked out that way before SKs or DS came along.
Basically, we will let any of the kids live with us while they are in school and attending class and putting forth effort. We will help where we can.
This is what I have heard from many, many, MANY financial advisors repeatedly on tv about this subject.
No parent is obligated to pay for their child's college education. it's not a requirement in life. It is a privelege.
No parent should go into debt or take out a loan for a child in their early 20's that can work toward and pay off their loan.
If you are financially capable, or planned and invested wisely (as I am hoping to do for DD) you can pay for their college if you choose, that is wonderful. Do it. But there should be no obligation or guilt if you can not.
If you feel you can contribute half, that's wonderful. But your SS and BM can take care of the other half however they see fit. Half is better than nothing - which is what it is for most kids these days. Your SS surely is capable of working thru college (I had 2-3 jobs) and taking out a loan, applying for grants, scholarships, etc. Get moving on it.
I know that I am the decenter here.
But it is not MY job to pick up the slack of what was done or not done before I came into the picture.
I look at it this way, we sit here and continually say that we should not lessen the first set of children's income (ie lower Child Support) because the NCP decides to have more kids.
So isnt this sort of the reverse here?
And really, College degrees ARE NOT ENTITLEMENTS. As J said, every financial planner (and we have been to three in the last 5 years) have said not to put yourself into debt for your children's education. YOU have about 20 years to get things paid off, they have at least 40.
I think this is a situation where there are a lot of right things you can do, and only a few wrong things (like saving for one kid and not another).
We contribute to 529s for both kids. XH, DH, and I save for DS; DH and I save for DD. According to our calculations, both the kids should end up with roughly the same amount of money when they start college. We aren't giving them enough to pay for 100% of their schooling--I mean estimates for college costs in 10 years are like $35-60k a year.
We talk to the kids fairly often about their college funds. Sometimes we tease them (as in, "if you break my TV with that soccer ball I'm taking it out of your college fund"). But more often it's just us trying to get them to think about the future for a few seconds and know that we're also thinking about it.
work full time this summer and will work partime during college. The way it looks his dad and I will pay about half and he'll get loans for the other half.
He understands this is all subject to him doing well and our finances.