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April 2012 Moms
huntertwin
member
Is DH being fair about MIL? Or am I right? Tell me I'm right.
huntertwin
member
We live far away from our families. We are moving "home" soon, and my MIL is going crazy with excitement - we'll be staying with her until we find our own place. Could be weeks - or months!! Kill me now. But I digress.
DH has been telling me that he intends to visit his mom every weekend after we find our own place - and he's taking the twins with him. Now, my MIL is a sweet old lady (who drives me completely insane), but there is no way in hell that I'm spending one of the only two days a week I get with the babies at her house. (Since I'll be working a lot and the babies will be at daycare, I won't see them more than a few hours per day.)
I think this is totally unfair of DH, to just tell me that that's the way it's going to be. I told him if he wants to spend that much time at her place, go ahead. But don't take the babies away from me. He thinks I'm being unreasonable. Am I? I think a couple of visits per month is enough. But, I will admit, I don't like the fact that DH is so attached to her or the fact that she is so demanding about seeing the babies. She is seriously turning the guestroom into a playroom for them, as if they'll be spending all their free time at her tiny, dark, ugly apartment. Yes, I'm biased. But am I being unfair?
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Re: Is DH being fair about MIL? Or am I right? Tell me I'm right.
this is something that you and your husband will have to agree on.
I couldn't do that often at my IL's and i am a stay at home mom. We see them about once a month and my parents once a month and the other two are spent at home doing family activities and house chores. I don't know the situation but he might get tired of taking them after a couple of times and the visits will get farther apart. maybe
I agree that an entire day every weekend is too often. I would negotiate with DH for one of the following:
1) He takes the twins to MIL every other visit
2) The entire family visits one day every other weekend
I could also see 2-3 hours every weekend, which would give you time to run errands, but it needs to be a set time (9am-12pm) which is defined and respected. That might be the best option.
I think her setting up a playroom for them is incredibly sweet. I personally would LOVE if DH took my son to his Mom's or Dad's for a little while on the weekend so I could have some time to get things done.
Maybe try to think about it from her point of view- she just loves the babies and wants to see them and her own son as well- that's not demanding that's completely normal and sweet- especially creating a whole space for them in her home for the one day a week she gets to see them.
I'm going through a weird thing with my MIL too, you have to just try to put yourself in their place and then try to be as fair as you can (I mean some day I'll be the MIL and I'll want to see my grandbabies all the time too!)
Good luck!
This is tough and completely unique to every family. I live far from my parents (over 7 hours) and my ILs live 15 minutes away. In my extended family, we are used to not seeing each other often...in my ILs family, absolutely everyone lives within 30 minutes of each other and see each other multiple times a week. It's been challenging, at times, to accept that this is how I spend some of my free time.
When you say "moving home" do you mean an hour away or 15 minutes away? Perhaps you don't know yet since you don't know where you'll live exactly.
But, if it's 15 minutes away, it's very easy to set up a routine of, say, Sunday dinner. We go to the in-laws for a few hours for dinner every Sunday, it's expected and accepted, and there's no pressure beyond that. Because my spouse likes to be with family more than that, when I work late, they all go over there for dinner during the week. So, that's another option to get "more time in"...if you have a book club, gym, or ever have to work late, that could be another time that your husband goes with the kids to see family! It works really well for us.
Good luck!
could your husband pick them up from daycare one night a week and take them there for dinner and you'd get an evening for yourself?
i wouldn't want to set that kind of schedule for my weekends- we're too busy