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Blended Families
Pamelacake
member
Hi all, new here, please help.
Pamelacake
member
I'm a SAHM & SM. I have 3 SD's, ages 17, 6 and 5 and 2 SSs ages 16 & 13 by 2 BM's. My DH has full custody of all. I also have a 10 yo DS & 13yo DD.
DH doesn't really have an issue with the oldest 3s BM. She calls the kids every once in a while even though she is allowed parenting time and is supposed to call twice a week.
DH's youngest two DD's on the other hand is nothing but drama. She calls just to fight and doesn't even ask about the girls. She always threatens that She will get them "in two weeks". We had to stop allowing phone time with her because she would promise them she would be here and at the last minute, have something better to do or just not show up. 6yo SD is now in counseling. BM has seen them 4 times since September of 2012. Fast forward months of lies to the girls and senseless fighting, She had them about 2 weeks ago and kept them all night on a saturday. She brought them back early and they had to be rushed to the ER. They were given something that shouldn't have been given to them. The ER did a urinalysis but refused to do a blood test. They described the "yucky pill" that they were not allowed to spit out and said they took it saturday night, and they weren't sleepy but after taking it went right to sleep. Upon drop off they weren't themselves and couldn't keep their eyes open. one of the paramedics even said they were not acting right.
this weekend she has decided that she wants them on saturday night again. the c/o allows her every other weekend. she said she doesn't want them friday b/c she has bronchitis but she is sure she will be over it not friday night but saturday morning. DH doesn't want to send them. CPS is involved, if my husband hadn't called the school would have. 6yo SD told her whole class about it, so the school counselor called me to confirm that they were involved. Any suggestions? I don't want DH to be in contempt but I want them to be safe.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
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Re: Hi all, new here, please help.
Yes DH is the father and has full, physical, legal and sole custody. He did push for a blood draw and was told they were too young and to follow up with their pediatrician. They were in their regular dr's office the next morning and they refused to do a blood draw stating that it would be too late to detect. I disagree with that as well. We don't have the full results back. I'm not sure we will until it's revealed by CPS. When asked about it, she said it was a vitamin. We think it was one of her narcotics.
The cops were called here when the paramedics and cps were and a report was made. As far as we know the cops and CPS were to be at her house that Sunday evening but she hasn't said anything about it so we have no clue and have heard nothing back.
CPS has been involved before, the school called b/c 6yo SD was telling them things at school that were going on at BM's house. DH was told then by CPS that he couldn't tell him either way to send them or not but if he feels it's unsafe then the risk would be worth it. They spent the night with BM back in December and were supposively left alone in the home after she thought they went to sleep. She likes to frequent the bars and left them at home while sleeping when they were a lot younger so i wouldn't put it past her but no proof. Her new BF works in a bar every weekend. It's just a huge mess.
I will have him call the CPS agent and ask advice on it. I didn't think of that, THank You. I have tried to be very compassionate in this whole situation towards BM but it's becoming impossible. and with this weekend being Mother's Day wknd.. I feel bad if she actually does want to see them but IDK. She only wanted to see them on part of her last weekend b/c she thought she was going to jail that monday.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013
Use CPS as supporting evidence. Go through the courts to get an emergency restraining order NOW. And do NOT allow them out of sight with the BM. Period. Regardless of current visitation atrangements.
If you are worried about contempt, here is an apprioriaye time to risk it. If CPS is involved and you file for an emergency restraining order, they will not put your H in jail. To further prove that he is only acting in the best interest of the children and not playing around with them, extend an offer in writing via email or text to the BM that she may visit the children at appropriate times with advanced notice under his supervision until matters are resolved.
She will probably not take him up on the offer, but it will look good for you. That way no one can claim parental alienation, but you are sure the chuldren are safe.
We have been down this road with CPS, and unlesa the children are currently in BM's care, they will not be able to do much. They may not say it, but what they mean for you to do is just wait and see what happens next time and maybe they can catch her doing something while the children are in her care. In the eyes if CPS, if the child is with your DH, then they are safe. They don't take into account that your CO says you have to let them go back at such and such time. And CPS cannot advise on matters of custody unless they are placing a child. Even if it is determined by urinalysis that the children were under the influence of narcotics, then they have to figure out a time window and determine of BM really is the responsible party. It is very unlikely they will come up with anything they call founded.
I am not trying to dishearten you. I am saying, DO NOT TRUST CPS TO GET ANYTHING DONE. Go through your own attorney while CPS is doing their thing. CPS and your attorney will work together to an extent, your attorney for you, CPS for the resolution of this specific allegation, not the entire situation.
Do not let these children go back to their BM after such allegations. Ever. Please keep us updated. Good luck!
Listen to Ambrvan.
As far as being sympathetic to BM - that needs to stop. It's called enabling. And that's what you are doing if you let her play on your heart strings.
File for an emergency custody order tomorrow if you haven't already. And if you don't have one, be in contempt. Chances are this deadbeat doesn't have it in her to fight for her kids. She may threaten, but i doubt she'll do much.
Thank you all for the advice! He doesn't have an attorney but they finally gave me the pro bono list for our county. I can draw those papers up and have him file today. Thank you so much.
BM no longer has my compassion. She has hurt these kids too much and they are my number one priority. I know I'm just their SM but they mean the world to me. Thank you so much, I'm so glad I posted this. I will have DH get on it as soon as the attorney's office opens. I will have the papers filled out and ready! Thanks again and will keep you posted
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
I'd roll the complaint up the chain of command at the police deparment and child services for not responding as they stated they would. You may get some BS about a bigger emergency came up, but file a formal complaint.
As far as your husband calling child services and trying to talk to them, I wouldn't be telling them your plans to not hand over the kids. That does not help your case. Tell people as little as possible of your intent to keep the kids from her in order to keep them safe.
In regards to the boyfriend pushing BM to file...I highly doubt he will. More than likely he likes his weekends without the kids. Don't give him that much credit. He's allowing all of this to happen as well in his household.
I totally agree with your first 2 paragraphs and partially the second. DH called the CPS guy for help and he didn't care. The last time CPS was involved the caseworker was extremely caring.
about the boyfriend pushing her, I think he would do it just to try to make her look good. He has custody of his 7yo son who gets this pill every night. Another reason I think he would push it is b/c the court themselves filed and sent her an appearance order over child support. We only know about this b/c she called numerous times saying she would just have a paternity test done on not both but one of the girls. The youngest is favored and the oldest is ignored by her. She has never taken care of either of them by herself. She isn't capable.
Everyone knows that there is a possibility that neither one are his BD's, that's why I told him not to file for child support in the first place. but we did some research and with them being married during both of their births, him being on both birth certificates, being with them since day one and the real BF's want nothing to do with them, She can't take them from him on those grounds. That was a huge relief!
I still haven't heard from any of these attorneys so he may just have to do that this weekend and then get something in writing.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
Has CPS contacted her? Did your H ask her what she gave to them? Does she has a history of this type of thing? I think if you are going to refuse visitation you need to file a temporary order. You will be in contempt if you do not follow the court order. I don't know if she is the type to file motions? Sounds like if the case is substantiated she would only have supervised visitation.
Also, I agree with the CPS if your H fears for the children's well being then do not send them. But I would put an emergency motion immediately to stop unsupervised visitation.
I read a terrible story on here not long ago of a woman who didn't want to send her son with his dad but did because of the court order and it ended very badly for the child.
I think CPS called her. That's it. DH called her while the cops and paramedics were here to see what she gave them. She said it was a vitamin that they give her boyfriend's 7yo son every night.
She has a history of leaving her narcotics laying all over the floor open, when they were younger. She would leave while they were sleeping. 5yo SD still comes out of her room from a nap screaming if I'm not in sight thinking she's by herself. I'm not sure how she ended up with the parenting time she got in the first place. She really isn't able to care for them on her own and never has. She is blind and cannot drive.
Dh ended up speaking with an attorney today but we will not have the retainer by tomorrow, he did give him some very valuable info and also said the same thing another poster said "it doesn't sound like she would care to file anything".
Our county is impossible. There is no such thing as an emergency motion or order here. It all has to go in front of a judge, and be submitted by an attorney. So we are tryign to figure out how to come up with the retainer and soon b/c this really does need to stop. My SD's are getting nothing but dissapointment from BM and we are really fed up.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
From your last post it seems like she is saying it's melatonin. While that is supplement sold over the counter in every drug store, walmart, ect. there is typically a warning that says not to use on children without consulting a doctor. It can cause daytime sleepiness so it sounds like what you are describing. That said there are probably hundreds of thousands of kids that take melatonin nightly at the suggestion of a doctor. It seems odd that no one asked the name of this "vitamin." I'm not sure that if that is in fact what she gave them there is really anything you can do about it since it's not illegal. I would actually hope it is that and not the narcotic like you are suggesting. Hopefully you all will get to the bottom of it.
My DS taked melatonin every night before bed. I give it to him 2 hours before bedtime. It doesn't make him sleepy right away and the effects don't last for days and make him sick.
I did think of that and I just don't see it. She didn't want the girls to be able to tell on her for leaving. They do this to BM's boyfriend's son every nightbut he didn' tgo to sleep right away b/c he is used to it. I know there are other over the counter things that could have been given like tylenol pm or something else. But Both girls had most of the same symptoms for 2 days. 3days including sunday.
BM said they were acting fine before she dropped them off. I told her I'm sorry but I don't believe they just started all of that when they walked in the door. I also told her that if she gives them anything at all she is to notify us. Same with us notifying her and had to explain to her that it could be very dangerous if one party didn't know they had tylenol or cough medicine and then the other gave them some or something else that could couterreact. I would hope that she wouldn't give them her medicine but she has done it before so I really wouldn't put it past her.
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5
This whole thing just doesn't add up. How in the world does a non custodial parent have unsupervised overnight visits if she previously gave them narcotoics and/or left them alone all night long? I'm just guessing here but if it is proven that this occured then it should be fairly easy for a judge to take away unsupervised visits. Your H really needs to document all of this and push for no overnights and supervision during visits. I don't think it is right to cut off all visitation but you all need to get this under control.
Yes there are a lot of circumstances that don't make sense to me or DH either. But even when he does get to go in front of the judge, they want to hear nothing he has to say. So it's clearly inevitable that we have to get an attorney. DH spoke with one on Thursday that he hopes to hire. His retainer is kind of high but it will be worth it. She is supposed to have overnight visits at all withing the PTG for our state. They overlooked a lot when they put in the c/o.
Everything is documented and when it can be, recorded. (admissable in court in our state)
My Loves= SD 18 SS 16 SS13 DD13 DS10 SD6 SD5