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Working Moms
meli1025
member
DS claiming teacher pulled his hair
meli1025
member
in Working Moms
At what age do kids start story telling? My son will be 3 at the end of July and on Monday he came home from school telling me that his teacher pulled his hair. When I asked him why she would do that, he said that it was because he pulled another girl's hair. So naturally I confront the teacher about it and she denies it, but I could literally see the blood rushing to her face when I questioned her. I feel like that is the reaction of a guilty person. In my gut, I really believe my son is telling the truth. She said that he did pull another girl's hair and that she re-directed him and sat him at the table. I have a call in to the director to report this but she's been out all week so hasn't called me back yet. My son would have no reason at all to make something like this up...he innocently told me, "mommy miss ____ pulled me" so I said, "she pulled what?" and he said, "my hair". When I asked him why she would do that he said "because I pulled ___'s hair".
So he was telling the truth about pulling the little girl's hair but not about getting his hair pulled in return by the teacher? I'm pissed and don't know what to think. I actually really liked this teacher up until now. I know that kids make up stories sometimes but at such an early age? Then when I drop him off this morning that same teacher is talking to another teacher saying how "so and so's mom doesn't believe a word she says anymore because she's always making things up!" Conveniently, having that conversation in front of me about one of the girls in the class.
I go through my bouts of guilt about being a working mom but he really does love school and when I pick him up he tells me about how much fun he had. This is a pretty big daycare and is part of a chain in my region, we also have ParentView cams. I called the camera company and they said they don't keep past footage at that center.
Sorry this is long so if you've read it all and have any thoughts you could share, please do!
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
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Re: DS claiming teacher pulled his hair
Tell the director exactly how your son brought this up and what happened with the teacher. Keep it factual, tell her you're very concerned about it, and ask her what she plans to do.
No matter what, the director shouldn't dismiss what happened. It's a great chance for her to remind her staff about constructive discipline, and she should also be more watchful for problems.
It's unlikely that the teacher will be dismissed or suspended, since it's a he said/she said situation, but having a frank, factual conversation with the Director offers her the chance to put your mind at ease and also keep an eye on a potential problem.
My just turned four-year-old sometimes doesn't get the entire story straight, so it's not necessarily that she's making something up but she's ommitting important parts. Like, I'll say "what did you have for lunch today" and she'll respond "ummmm, applesause and cookies." Then, when I text my sister who watches her and ask what she ate I get back "we had chicken tenders, applesauce, carrot sticks and a cookie." I could maybe see my daughter turning my sister saying something like "how would you feel if I pulled your hair" into something else.
My six-year-old outright makes stuff up. He'll trip and fall and then look up at me and say "Quinn pushed me" and Quinn is not even in the same room! It's crazy, but yea, that just started around age 5 or 6.
So, although I wouldn't necessarily discount what your son said, at the same time I would take it with a grain of salt.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
Our pediatrician told us that kids don't intentionally lie until they are older, but they can take things they hear in a story or see happen to other people and think it really happened to them...it's not so much a fib, but rather the way their brain works. DS has legitimately told us about kids doing things to him and his teachers corroborate the story, but he has also told us crazy things like a giant dog bit him on the stomach in the sandbox, and we know it's his imagination getting away from him, so we take what he says with a grain of salt.
The story your DS told you rings true to me, but I would just approach the director in a calm, fact based way, and ask her to investigate. I'm sure she understands that kids aren't the best witnesses, so she can talk with the other teachers and get a sense of what happened.
I agree with the bolded part. I tend to think that your DS made up the part about the teacher pulling his hair, but I say that because my DS is about the same age and tells us stories that aren't true. They don't do it intentionally, I just don't think that they understand what lying is. Either way, the director should be able to handle the situation properly.
BFP#1 - 11/27/09 EDD 8/5/10, DS1 arrived 7/24/10 via emergency c-section.
BFP#2 - 6/18/12 EDD 2/23/13, sweet baby girl born sleeping on 10/4/12 at 19 weeks, 3 days.
BFP #3 - 1/18/13 EDD 10/1/13, natural mc on 2/2/13 at 5 weeks, 4 days.
BFP #4 - 8/29/13 EDD 5/12/14, our sweet rainbow, DS2 born 4/29/14 via c-section
I know you've gotten enough responses, but my DD turns 3 in July and she speaks pretty well. She makes stuff up all the time. She also mixes things up. For example the nanny's granddaughter has bitten her several times before and left terrible bite marks. She remembers that she's been bitten though and still tries to blame the girl for other marks on her that I know weren't bite marks.
Also she blames her toddler sister for doing things that are just not possible.
However, she does remember certain things and can recite very carefully certain things that happened throughout the day.
I would trust your gut though and if the complaints persist then do something about it.
http://balletandbabies.blogspot.com
This happens all the time at our house. And both my kids have one kid that they blame for everything. My son would tell me that Eddie hit him when we hadn't seen Eddie for a week.
DS is 2.5 and he says things that aren't true. He's not lying on purpose but like others have said he will mis-speak. Like he'll say "Mark hit me" but I know Mark isn't at DC this week so either he is saying the wrong name or he is recalling something that happened some other time or he is relaying a thought or dream.
He will sometimes say things he saw on TV or read happened to him. So your son saying teacher pulled his hair might be saying that she threatened, or said something like "what if I pulled your hair?" So there is a chance he isn't telling the whole truth, but it does sound like there was some kind of incident.
I think you've had some good advice on what to do I just wanted to throw that out there since my DS is about the same age.
Hmm....this is a tough one. I would probably react the same way at first, too.
With that said, having worked in daycares before and with young kids in a variety of settings, I absolutely do think they can start to lie (or at least exaggerate) as young as three. I remember myself being very young (young enough I was still in a high chair) and learning that telling a lie was "wrong" and deciding to try it out myself. My Dad asked me where my Mother was (she was in the shower) and I made up some lie just to see what it felt like.
Also, as above posters pointed out, I think they can confuse facts very easily. I know that when I used to volunteer as an attorney ad litem for abused and neglected kids, the state would have trained professionals (not just psychologists, but trained in specific interview techniques) to conduct the initial interview with very young children who made outcries because when they are young they could be so easily influenced (or confused) by even something simple like the way a question is asked.
I think you should bring your concerns up to the director, watch the teacher carefully, watch the cameras, and be extra vigilant, but I don't think I would go to try to track down old video or pull my kid out of the daycare. Perhaps you should even talk to your son and tell him to be sure and let you know if the teacher (or anyone) hurts him in anyway.
2011: FSH 13.3 & E 99; AMH 0.54 2nd FSH 6.2 E 40's AFC: 8
BFP from Clomid/IUI ~ Pre-e and IUGR during pregnancy ~ DS born 9/4/12
Feb./March 2013: AMH less than 0.16 (undectable) and AFC = 4;
BFP from supps ~ DS#2 due May 2014
May 2014 January Siggy Challenge:
My 4.5 year is just starting to understand lying vs. the truth and will ask if something is a lie or the truth alot - but she still confuses them about 50% of the time.
The other day she tried to tell us that her friend bite her on the arm (which is semi-believable) and that when she told the teacher, the teacher's told her she should bite her friend back. When DH I were skeptical, she kept talking about it and explaining that was what the teacher said and when DH said "well, I'll ask teacher about it tomorrow, DD totally backed down and said "oh, that was a lie"
Kids lie all the time and for no known reason.
It's when they get older and have reasons to lie that things get really tricky.
This for sure! I would NOT start an inquiry based on a single story from a three year old. DD doesn't lie, but her stories are very misleading. She also BLAMES everyone else around her for anything bad that happens. If she falls, she'll say "Daddy you tripped me." If she spills her milk, she'll say "the baby bumped my hand." Even if Daddy and Baby are all the way across the room.
This is tough. Like my kid got pinched by another and our place doesn't put names in reports for confidentiality. My 3.5 year old told me exactly what happened without me even asking about it and told me who did it. I was concerned because this was one of her close friends there so I chatted with her teacher about if they are getting along and based on the conversation I knew she was telling me the truth about who it was.
Then last week her stuffed animal puppy was missing. On the way home she told me that in the morning one of the pre-K girls (by name) took the puppy into the pre-k room. (in the early morning all the kids are together in her room). Turns out the director looked in the pre-K room and it was there.
So, yes, my kid fibs, but sometimes she is telling the truth. Personally, I wouldn't have my kid around that teacher until it could be settled with the director. Is there an assistant director to help? A district manager? When it comes to my kid's safety, I'm not afraid to piss people off and I don't worry about their feelings.
My Ovulation Chart
that's pretty funny.
I agree with this. We also ask the kids would you like it if I pulled your hair and may reach for their hair for effect. But when the child says no we would say they didn't like it either because it hurts... Never actually pulling their hair but the idea of it may have been very real to the child with the guilt they were feeling.